Summer House reunion<\/a>. When they arrive, Amanda says, \u201cI was checking your location,\u201d and Ciara responds, \u201cI always forget you have my location.\u201d Oh, we haven\u2019t forgotten. That\u2019s how Ciara found out that Amanda was spending so much time at West\u2019s house while ignoring her calls. Amanda says, in her first confessional, that Ciara is her best friend and that she and West got really close because he helped her through a lot of Kyle stuff this summer. She says that recently West and Ciara became \u201cbest friends\u201d again and this is \u201cmy little trio.\u201d Um, that wouldn\u2019t last that long, would it?<\/p>\nBased on what we know now, this scene reads crazier than a woman locked in an attic in a Victorian novel. \u201cLook at us,\u201d Amanda says, offering one of her hands to each of them. \u201cThis makes me so happy right now \u2026 This is my dream.\u201d Um, does she mean nightmare because this thing is about to twist like Chubby Checker on Adderall? This is when the producer asks Amanda to reevaluate the situation based on everything that happened. \u201cI know exactly what people are going to think when they watch this scene,\u201d she says. \u201cIt\u2019s bizarre, but, in this moment, these are my friends. These are two very important people to me who helped me get through this very weird time in my life and my relationship with Kyle. I am so happy right now.\u201d<\/p>\n
The Matrix glitch is a stroke of genius, trying to show us how all of these things change, how this is real life happening in front of us, that it is messy, that we can revisit events in our recent past, and, based on an incursion of events, they take on a whole different meaning. I wanted it to go one step further, though. I want to know how she feels now that the relationship is broken. I want her to address how it changed or how this moment helped it change. I want her to talk about how she could go from loving Ciara so much to turning on her in the sickest possible way. The Matrix be glitchin\u2019; let that motherfucker glitch even more!<\/p>\n
Amanda shows them where her new apartment is going to be, but it looks like a hole in the ground. How fast is this thing going to get built? At the end of the episode, Amanda tells Kyle that finding a furnished one-bedroom that is month-to-month and pet-friendly and has a doorman was harder than she thought. No, duh, Amanda. Like the limit in Mean Girls, that apartment does not exist. Also, if that\u2019s what she is looking for, why not get an Airbnb? Why not get a corporate apartment? There are options other than going to a Realtor. If Amanda was hunting for an apartment like that, it\u2019s no wonder she found a place she wants with a one-year lease.<\/p>\n
Kyle hears this news moments before going on a podcast where they\u2019re going to talk about their relationship (!!!). He says this sounds more permanent because, of course, it is. What is the exit clause for this? If they do get back together, how does she move back in with Kyle? Or do they just keep paying two rents for an entire year? This plan only sort of made sense before, and now that she\u2019s signing up for 12 months, it doesn\u2019t make sense at all. Amanda is breadcrumbing divorce.<\/p>\n
Enough about Kymanda because this show is starting to get some other story lines and I am fully here for it. Lindsay goes out on a date with Kelly Dodd\u2019s sloppy seconds, Frank the Milk Man, and she thinks that he\u2019s boring but hot and wants to [insert sexy milk pun here] with him. Yvonne and Georgina go to the park, where Georgina tries to convince her friend that having one kid is no big deal while one of hers runs around with a poopy diaper hanging to his knees and the other one gnaws on something she found on the ground. Kenny helps his girlfriend, Whitney, move in while giving her only the faintest of jabs, which causes her to cry.<\/p>\n
Oh, Kenny and Whitney. These two were excellent finds. We learn that Kenny grew up with his mother and half-brother in a one-room shack where they all shared a bed, so it\u2019s amazing that he wound up in this gorgeous Manhattan apartment. Speaking of which, Whitney and her lifestyle are not equipped for this apartment. She moves in with three crates of beauty supplies, at least three massage rollers, and three decorative wooden balls. This is some Los Angeles\u2013type shit. People in L.A. live in houses or large apartments. People in Manhattan live in lockers that sometimes have a toilet. That is the difference. If you live in Manhattan and have a decorative wooden ball, it is such a flex, such a status symbol, that everyone on your co-op board thinks you are flaunting your wealth. Who has the space for decorations that don\u2019t hang on the wall? Jeffrey Epstein is the only person who comes to mind, and look at what happened with him. The rent is too damn high.<\/p>\n
Whitney is making a huge deal about how she needs a closet, and there\u2019s not enough room for her clothes. Kenny is going through her things and counts 26 black T-shirts. Whitney says she is not an outfit repeater. I find this so annoying. It\u2019s one thing not to repeat an outfit, but why do you need 26 different black T-shirts? If she is only wearing each of them once, then she needs to get rid of them as soon as she wears them, so they don\u2019t accumulate. But if she\u2019s keeping them to wear in different combinations, why does she need 26 of them? There are not 26 different fits, cuts, lengths, and sizes of black T-shirts. Ten, maybe. Fifteen at the most. But 26? Again, this is L.A.-type bullshit. She is not going to get Manhattan closets to bend to her behavior; her behavior is going to have to bend to Manhattan closets, and the sooner she realizes this, the happier she and Kenny will be.<\/p>\n
Their happiness, though, is what is coming into question. Andrea\u2019s wife, Lexi, has coffee with Whitney and Georgina in the park. (Lexi is gorgeous, sweet, kind, and attentive. Listening to her talk is like trying to crack jokes with first-generation Claude.) Lexi tells her new bestie, Whitney, that Andrea told her that Kyle told him that Kenny told him that he didn\u2019t feel a spark between the two of them. Whitney doesn\u2019t believe it, but rewind the footage, and there it is. Kenny is saying he doesn\u2019t know if they have the spark that she is the woman he should marry. The conversation wasn\u2019t that bad; it wasn\u2019t misconstrued, but the phrasing that he chose is enough to send a former Bachelor contestant to an early grave. He also said that their future was \u201cmurky.\u201d Oh, dude. This is something that a guy would think is innocuous, but any woman would gather up all of her friends and go to war over.<\/p>\n
We only see Whitney bring these things up at the very end of the episode, so it\u2019s unclear how he\u2019ll react, but the impression I\u2019m getting from Kenny is that he is quickly realizing he\u2019s bitten off more than he can chew. He seems like someone who thought that he was better than reality TV, that he was successful in every aspect of his life and would be successful in this. How hard could it be? It\u2019s not a skill. It\u2019s just showing up as yourself. Wrong!<\/p>\n
Kenny keeps getting stuck in the same situation. He makes a remark to Kyle about a \u201cspark,\u201d and now Whitney is crying on a park bench. He makes a comment to the boys about Lindsay\u2019s \u201cminions,\u201d and now she\u2019s standing over him at brunch, clapping her hands at him. Kenny does not know how wrong he is, how badly he\u2019s coming across, and how everyone on this show is eating him for breakfast like he\u2019s a Frosted Mini-Wheat.<\/p>\n
His tiff with Lindsay is a prime example. After Lindsay and Danielle make up over croissants (you know this is going to lead to another bust-up, so talking about the reconciliation isn\u2019t worth wasting our collective breaths), they show up at the group brunch. The conversation, naturally, is about Lindsay and Danielle making up, and then Kyle wants Danielle to apologize to Amanda for having recently treated her badly. Somehow, this makes Kenny think he can confidently say that the problem is if you have a problem with Lindsay, then you have a problem with five other girls. I mean, have you met girls? Have you met gays? This is nothing new, nor is it a Linsday thing. If a friend tells me that a girl cut her in line once, I will go home, make a voodoo doll out of her hair, put a hex on her, call her boss, have her fired, get the IRS to start an audit, cancel her gym membership, and then make sure that her roommate kicks her out of her house. Lindsay is right: That is called having friends.<\/p>\n
Gavin is at the other end of the table and shouts, \u201cDon\u2019t you mean her minions?\u201d Yvonne doesn\u2019t know what a Minion is, and she should count herself lucky, and the show should count itself lucky that Bravo and Universal Pictures are owned by the same corporate overlords so they can afford two seconds of footage from one of their cursed movies in this here reality show. But then Kenny calls it \u201cmean girl\u201d behavior, but what have any of them done to him? It\u2019s not like they all ganged up and iced out Whitney. They\u2019ve all been nice and welcoming to her. It\u2019s not like they all ganged up on him and told him collectively they have a problem. He is taking a woman with loyal friends and trying to turn it into something that is negative because he doesn\u2019t like that Lindsay has more power than he does in this situation, and, frankly, she\u2019s better at this job.<\/p>\n
When Lindsay starts to get heated about this, he asks her, \u201cAre you on glue?\u201d which is objectively funny, I will admit. Then he accuses her of being activated, and she says she is because he\u2019s \u201cdumb.\u201d Yes, she is right. He is dumb. This attack is dumb. Thinking reality TV is dumb is dumb. Being dumb on reality TV is so dumb that not even Dumb and Dumberer, the sequel to Dumb and Dumber, thinks that it is not dumb while sucking on Dum Dum and while singing the Tums jingle, but instead it\u2019s \u201cDumb-de-dumb-dumb-DUUUUMMMMMBBBBB.\u201d The dumbest thing, though, is that Kenny isn\u2019t smart enough to know just how dumb he looks. But wait until he watches this back.<\/p>\n
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