{"id":497055,"date":"2026-06-13T02:20:15","date_gmt":"2026-06-13T02:20:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/497055\/"},"modified":"2026-06-13T02:20:15","modified_gmt":"2026-06-13T02:20:15","slug":"why-making-friends-as-an-adult-is-so-hard","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/497055\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Making Friends as an Adult Is So Hard"},"content":{"rendered":"

Feelings of loneliness<\/a> can ambush you anywhere. For a patient of mine, it happened while she was walking past a street-side restaurant. The group of older women at one table was laughing<\/a> and drinking\u2014possibly too much, judging by the way one began to laugh so hard that white wine sprayed out of her nose. Seeing this, my patient felt imperfect, as though something deep in her personality<\/a> had made that kind of connection impossible.<\/p>\n

Of course, there was nothing wrong with her. She was young\u2014in her early 30s\u2014and although she\u2019d moved a few times since college, she\u2019d found a high-paying job she enjoyed. She had a boyfriend, while most of her friends had married; some had children. Initially, it was hard to grasp why she felt so isolated. <\/p>\n

But then I heard the same complaints from other people: successful enough, \u201cdoing all the right things\u201d in life, but still lonely. They’d feel this way while waiting to pick up a child from school, watching other parents chat, and noticing how well they seemed to know each other. Or after getting a promotion at work and realizing they weren’t close enough to their co-workers to celebrate together. Or while scrolling Instagram, catching up on friends\u2019 social lives, and noticing they hadn\u2019t been invited to a recent get-together. <\/p>\n

Some very practical reasons can make it challenging to meet new people as you get older. Life transitions, for instance, can do this\u2014like moving to a new neighborhood or a new city, taking on a new job, having a child, or getting divorced<\/a>. These events have bigger effects as we age, according to Clark University psychology professor Jeffrey Jensen Arnett. <\/p>\n

In the years of \u201cemerging adulthood,\u201d between the ages of 18 and 29, the number and intensity of our friendships may be at their highest. College and graduate school, new careers, and new cities often bring us into contact with similar others and foster strong social lives. \u201cFor many people, the friendships formed in school, college, or early work life are the last new friendships they will ever make,\u201d opined Robert D. Putnam in Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community (2000).<\/p>\n

But the years afterward, with all their changes, can be tough on relationships. The flexible bonds of friendships are voluntary\u2014unlike those of family\u2014which leaves them more vulnerable to change as the built-in structures of early adulthood fade. Free socializing time becomes harder to find as our responsibilities multiply. Some people move to unfamiliar areas for work or family reasons. Children arrive, proving highly time-intensive; aging parents may present caregiving<\/a> needs. <\/p>\n

Any of this can leave thirtysomethings more fatigued than ever before. And after a long workday, the idea of a night out with friends may not sound as appealing as it once did. This energy shortage can also make it difficult for friends to sustain their bonds: When both people feel depleted, neither is likely to take the initiative.<\/p>\n

This pattern has worsened over the past few years. When COVID<\/a> dominated our lives, our social habits atrophied, according to the Survey Center on American Life. In that study, director Daniel Cox identified a clear drop in close friendships after 2020. \u201cAmericans report[ed] having fewer close friendships than they once did, talking to their friends less often, and relying less on their friends for personal support,\u201d Cox wrote. <\/p>\n

Recall the way \u201cpods,\u201d into which people separated themselves, reduced the breadth of our social circles and limited opportunities for friendly gathering. People began to work from home, alone, instead of spending their days with colleagues. <\/p>\n

Simultaneously, the rise of social media<\/a> has generated an odd but common perspective on relationships (as depicted in Kristina Lerman\u2019s 2025 essay, “Strong Friendship<\/a> Paradox in Social Networks”). Lerman noted that on apps like Instagram, other people appear to have more friendships, and more satisfying ones, than we do. This perception can heighten a sense of FOMO, magnifying our feelings of shame<\/a> and isolation.<\/p>\n

But there are real, tried-and-true ways to build connections with others, or to enhance the friendships we already have. Because your friends probably also think their peers have more friends than they do, it makes sense to talk about the problem. Letting them know you want your friendships to stay strong, or that you sometimes feel distant, can help normalize these feelings. (Remember, when you can share your vulnerability and feel accepted in return, relationships grow stronger.) <\/p>\n

Also, don\u2019t wait for others to suggest socializing opportunities. You may wish your old friends would reach out to you, but the odds are your friends harbor the same wishes, the same needs. Break the logjam by initiating plans yourself. Remember, as you and your friends get further apart and have less time to spend together, doing the work to foster your friendships becomes more important.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re looking for new friends, don\u2019t expect big relationships to start immediately. Consider your co-workers or neighbors as people you might want to spend a little more time with\u2014people with whom you can share a laugh, at the least. Your barista, your librarian, or your bus driver can become a familiar stranger. Get to know them a little at a time: Investing in these \u201cweak ties<\/a>,\u201d as they\u2019re known, can lead to big improvements in social health and well-being (according to a 2014 paper by Gillian Sandstrom and Elizabeth W. Dunn). Daily, small but genuine connections with others\u2014interactions higher in frequency than intensity\u2014can produce real feelings of happiness<\/a> and belonging.<\/p>\n

They may also lead to real friendships. Just like little romances, little friendships can benefit from repetition, social frequency, and shared context. Social psychologist Robert Zajonc called this the mere exposure effect, noting that light, repeated contacts can build familiarity and turn strangers into acquaintances or friends. My first-year psychology professor, L. Dodge Fernald, might have agreed: \u201cIf all else fails,\u201d he said to our class about finding new friends in college, \u201cjust keep showing up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Facebook image: Cagkan Sayin\/Shutterstock<\/p>\n

LinkedIn image: Olena Yakobchuk\/Shutterstock<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Feelings of loneliness can ambush you anywhere. For a patient of mine, it happened while she was walking…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":497056,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[61,60,43],"class_list":["post-497055","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-ireland","tag-ie","tag-ireland","tag-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/497055","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=497055"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/497055\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/497056"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=497055"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=497055"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=497055"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}