There are some people who, having made a genuine mistake, then feel compelled to repeat it, as if surrounding it with others might somehow diminish its significance.<\/p>\n
Usually it happens in a social context. A person says the wrong thing, the group\u2019s reaction is awkward or adverse, and instead of defusing the situation, they double down. Maybe the original statement was a little dodgy, or just open to misinterpretation, but soon they\u2019re flailing around, saying totally outlandish things they don\u2019t really believe, all in some desperate attempt to regain control of the narrative.<\/p>\n
I feel very tenderly towards such people. My heart really does go out to them. I don\u2019t think I suffer from that exact affliction, at least not in a social sense, but I definitely understand the compulsion. A single error stands out painfully. A series of screw-ups somehow acquires a comic quality, becomes a way of life, is faintly picaresque. \u201cDon\u2019t blame me,\u201d it seems to say. \u201cThere\u2019s a muddled self-awareness under here. It\u2019s more complicated than it looks. Please, be charmed!\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m thinking about this quirk because I made a minor mistake a while ago and am now wondering how to correct it. The mistake is in the form of a tattoo. I\u2019ve never in my life wanted a tattoo but I ended up with one, and now I\u2019m wondering whether to get more. My thinking is: now that I am a tattooed person, I may as well have lots of tattoos. Just the one looks a little lonely. I could absorb it into a broader aesthetic programme.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve started following tattoo artists, looking at other people\u2019s tattoos, warming to the idea of having my own personal constellation of symbols on my body. I\u2019ve started noticing line work. I have preferences about placement. I have thoughts on black ink versus colour. I\u2019m not crazy about the cybersigilism trend everyone\u2019s doing now. I like classic tattoos and prison tattoos: the anchor and the red rose, the swallow on the neck, the teardrop, the crucifix, the dagger through the heart, the Virgin Mary, the phoenix rising from the flames. I like Gothic font, and any tattoo conveying a deep love of one\u2019s mother and\/or hatred of the police.<\/p>\n
The story of how I got my tattoo is pretty typical and not very interesting: my cousin and I were having a messy weekend and thought it would be funny, I suppose, to commemorate the occasion with these permanent symbols on our arms. We weren\u2019t sober and hadn\u2019t slept much. She did it herself in her bedroom with a little needle and a pot of ink.<\/p>\n
Considering the circumstances, it could be much worse. It\u2019s small. The design is inoffensive. Nobody has ever pointed at it and thrown their head back in laughter. Actually, people rarely notice it.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d describe it as a blotch with arms sticking out but once, someone I didn\u2019t know very well said that it looked like the Star of Ishtar, the ancient Mesopotamian symbol associated with the goddess of love and war. Yes, I said, that\u2019s it exactly.<\/p>\n
Why should I be so precious? These things are only as important as you make them<\/p>\n
Rather than getting more tattoos around the original one to improve its appearance, it might seem more logical to just get it removed. Given its size, this would be relatively cheap. A few laser sessions and the whole thing could be forgotten. But something about that doesn\u2019t sit right ideologically. It feels unpunk. Instead of wasting time and money on a removal, shouldn\u2019t I be developing the grace and good humour to accept my mistakes, even learn to love them? <\/p>\n
Maybe this Star of Ishtar really is a spiritual symbol, an opportunity for growth. Besides, plenty of people have awful, truly awful tattoos: busty women, botched celeb portraits, misspelt inspirational quotes, Chinese characters that translate to things like \u201csilly westerner\u201d. Yet these people are admirably unbothered. Why should I be so precious? These things are only as important as you make them. <\/p>\n
Anyway, it\u2019s summer and I\u2019m feeling lighthearted. There\u2019s a Fiona Apple song that\u2019s been going around my head. \u201cI\u2019m gonna make a mistake, I\u2019m gonna do it on purpose.\u201d I saw a model in Vogue with a post-ironic tramp stamp of angel wings, and a few days later a waitress with the very same tattoo. I thought that both looked very beautiful and tough. Maybe the time is right.<\/p>\n