AAA<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m fine,\u201d he says down the line, then laughs.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve learnt, answering phones at Lifeline Australia, that \u201cI\u2019m fine\u201d is rarely the end of the story. Before I started volunteering as a crisis supporter, I would have taken that at face value. Or tried to smooth it over \u2013 made a joke, changed the subject, kept things easy. Now, I do something different. I stay. I let the silence sit. And more often than not, something else comes.<\/p>\n
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Where I once might have tried to push someone to open up, I\u2019ve learnt how to say, \u201cI\u2019m here if you want to talk.\u201dGetty Images<\/p>\n
Working on the phones changed the way I hear people \u2013 not just strangers, but friends, family, everyone. Because once you start listening properly, you notice how often we deflect.<\/p>\n
We do it at work, where being \u201cnot OK\u201d can feel like a liability. We do it socially, because we don\u2019t want to be a burden. We do it in families, where keeping things light can feel like keeping the peace.<\/p>\n
On the phones, I hear it in jokes, in minimising, in the inadvertently invalidating \u201cothers have it worse\u201d. And I realised I\u2019d been doing the same thing in my own life.<\/p>\n
Before Lifeline, if someone hesitated, I filled the gap. I tried to help, fix, move things along. Now, I don\u2019t.<\/p>\n
Related Article I might say, \u201cYou don\u2019t have to talk about it now \u2013 but I\u2019m here if you want to.\u201d And then I\u2019d leave it with them. That was the hardest shift: being open without forcing the conversation open.<\/p>\n One of the biggest things I\u2019ve learnt is that openness isn\u2019t a switch. Just because I\u2019m ready to listen doesn\u2019t mean the other person is ready to talk. On Lifeline, people call you. In real life, they don\u2019t. That means you have to respect their right not to open up. It\u2019s not a failure if someone doesn\u2019t share. It\u2019s not something you can push through with the right words. Both people have to be ready.<\/p>\n That was confronting for me. As an empath, I want to help people. I want to ease things. And, after my time with Lifeline Australia, I\u2019ve become more aware of the ways people show they\u2019re not OK.<\/p>\n Recently, I noticed a friend seemed flat. When I asked how he was, he simply said he was \u201call right\u201d. I had to remind myself: sometimes, that\u2019s where it ends.<\/p>\n Support isn\u2019t about pushing past that answer. It\u2019s about patience \u2013 accepting what\u2019s offered \u2013 and sitting with it. Because helping someone doesn\u2019t mean taking over their process. It doesn\u2019t mean carrying everything.<\/p>\n I used to think that once you open the conversation, you have to see it through \u2013 that support means staying with it until it\u2019s resolved. Now I know that\u2019s not always helpful, or sustainable.<\/p>\n One of the hardest parts of volunteering was learning to walk away from the phones at the end of a shift. You carry people\u2019s stories with you. But over time, I learnt the real meaning of the oxygen-mask analogy: you have to look after yourself first if you want to keep showing up for others. A respected comedian once told me that looking after yourself is an act of service to other people.<\/p>\n Sometimes support sounds like: \u201cI care about you, but this might be bigger than what I can help with alone.\u201d That might mean suggesting a GP, a psychologist, or counselling. It can feel awkward to say. But if you\u2019re asking someone to be honest, you have to be honest, too.<\/p>\n Another shift was learning how to actually listen. Not just waiting for my turn to speak, but showing someone I\u2019ve heard them. Repeating something back. Summarising what they\u2019ve said. It sounds simple, but it changes everything.<\/p>\n Related Article People often repeat themselves not because they like hearing their own story, but because they don\u2019t feel heard the first time. When you reflect something back clearly, you can feel the conversation settle. The urgency drops. They don\u2019t have to fight to be understood any more.<\/p>\n At the end of our Lifeline calls, we ask: \u201cWhat are you doing for your wellbeing?\u201d Somewhere along the way, it stopped being a script and became a reflex \u2013 one I now bring into everyday conversations, from loved ones to the waiter at my local cafe.<\/p>\n I still hear \u201cI\u2019m fine\u201d all the time. Sometimes it means exactly that. Sometimes it doesn\u2019t. The difference now is I don\u2019t rush past it. I don\u2019t try to fix it. I don\u2019t force it open. I just make it clear \u2013 quietly, consistently \u2013 that if there\u2019s more, I\u2019m here to hear it. And if there isn\u2019t, that\u2019s fine, too.<\/p>\n Alison Fonseca is a Melbourne journalist, comedian and filmmaker.<\/p>\n Lifeline: 13 11 14<\/a>; Beyond Blue: <\/a>1300 22 4636.<\/p>\n The Opinion newsletter is a weekly wrap of views that will challenge, champion and inform your own. Sign up here<\/a>.<\/p>\n Save<\/p>\n You have reached your maximum number of saved items.<\/p>\n Remove items from your saved list<\/a> to add more.<\/p>\n![\"Sometimes](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/833be2df149cd915fa2e44f0ce591e788be5e4db.jpeg\")
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