For the month of October, Bazaar will be celebrating our obsessions\u2014how they delight us, connect us, and keep us going. Tune in each day for a new story, or go here to read them all.
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Maybe it\u2019s the sold-out Row flats. Maybe it\u2019s tropical fish. Maybe it\u2019s antique books or Finnish rugs or toothpaste from around the world. (That was mine for a while.) When you are passionate about something, it becomes luminous, a bright light that guides you day-to-day in pursuit. <\/p>\n
The object of your affection might seem unimportant or trifling to a disinterested observer, but once you fall for something, it no longer matters what its objective value is. It becomes the center that holds, the order in the chaos. It sifts the fine and endless shower of input\u2014the limitless flood of everyday life\u2014and gives it shape. Obsession sounds dangerous, like quicksand, but in the right amount it\u2019s enriching. It provides us with a kind of engine, with inspiration, with a focus that is pure joy. <\/p>\n
To be honest, I used to shy away from obsession. I found it uncomfortable to define myself too closely by any interest or hobby or collectible item; I dreaded that inevitable moment when you would transition from being, say, a person who appreciates Jean Paul Gaultier clothing to being a Jean Paul Gaultier Person. At the same time, I sought out people who did exactly that. I was fascinated by orchid collectors, gospel fans, surfing addicts, tiger hoarders. I wanted to understand what drew them so powerfully to their drug of choice. What allowed them to dive so deep? What did that identity provide? So often, the people I wrote about had circled their lives around a passion. It seemed to answer questions that are usually so hard to answer: how to spend time, how to spend money, how to make friends, where to travel, and what to do once they got there. Their devotion made sense out of the often-confusing experience of being alive. <\/p>\n
\u201cWHEN you are PASSIONATE about something, it becomes LUMINOUS, a BRIGHT LIGHT that GUIDES you day-to-day in PURSUIT.\u201d<\/p>\n
In many ways, pre-modern life was simple. You lived where you grew up; you married someone whose family knew your family and who was probably in the same socioeconomic and religious set as you; you watched a television show at 9 p.m. along with most of the rest of the world. Identity was rigid, preordained. A common elementary-school exercise at that time involved children drawing the concentric circles of their identity, starting with their family and radiating to their hometown and onward, ending up with the Milky Way. Back then, you knew your place, even before you had time to consider it.<\/p>\n
The very welcome unraveling of that stifling monoculture gave us dizzying freedom. But with so much to choose from, how do you choose? Welcome to the tyranny of choice, the oddly suffocating phenomenon of endless options. <\/p>\n
Years ago, I decided I wanted a peace-symbol necklace. (I had admired a friend\u2019s and decided to twin with her.) In the past, there would have been one jewelry store in town, and I would have gone there and looked at its two or perhaps three options, and after a bit of to-and-fro I would have selected the one I preferred, and I would have been content. <\/p>\n
No more. I searched \u201cpeace symbol necklace\u201d online and the floodgates opened. Did I want a small one? A large one? One with diamonds? With sapphires? Did I want silver? Rose gold? Hanging from a bail? Had I considered lab-grown diamonds? Oxidized gold? I had made my way through perhaps a tenth of the listings when I began hyperventilating. Too. Much. Choice. I slammed my laptop shut and gave up. Facing such a tsunami of options, all of them seemed wrong. What had begun as an indulgence, a treat for myself, turned into a test that I felt doomed to fail. How could I possibly pick the right one when there were so many out there? Daunted by this infinite number of possibilities, I still haven\u2019t gotten the necklace, and I suspect I never will. <\/p>\n
\u201cCARING about something PASSIONATELY whittles the WORLD down to a MANAGEABLE SIZE.\u201d<\/p>\n
That\u2019s why there is comfort in obsession. There\u2019s coziness. You know what appeals to you, and you focus yourself around it, and the people you meet who share that same focus immediately read as friends. When I was writing The Orchid Thief, several of the orchid collectors I met told me that whenever they were out of town or abroad, they were never lonely. They just sought out the local orchid-fanciers club and immediately found community. I belong to a Facebook group for people who like Tibi clothing. It\u2019s a far-flung gang, with members located throughout the U.S. and in many countries across the globe. Undoubtedly, we are from different backgrounds and have different lifestyles, but we have the unifying passion for this particular brand of clothes. The sense of a bond expands from discussions of the shape of this season\u2019s jeans to a general warmth toward one another. Dare I call it kinship? \u201cHey, I\u2019m going to be in Nashville next week,\u201d one member will post. \u201cAny other Tibi fans around and want to meet up?\u201d You start as strangers, but there\u2019s that connector, the thing you are all passionate about, and it makes you feel seen and known. <\/p>\n
The world is huge. It may be too huge for us to reckon with\u2014too many things and ideas and places to go. Caring about something passionately whittles the world down to a manageable size. <\/p>\n
I used to find flea markets overwhelming, a tumbling clutter of stuff. I walked through them almost blinded by the overload of items; with so much on display, nothing seemed distinct or desirable. But then I fell in love with midcentury pottery\u2014Bauer pottery, to be exact, in a particular shade of seafoam green. Suddenly, the blurred abundance of the flea market had a bull\u2019s-eye. Instead of disarray, it was a marvelous, mysterious thicket to be explored. Might there be a Bauer bowl hiding in this otherwise unexceptional pile of dishware? Or here, behind these assorted knickknacks? My desire animated me; I was on the hunt. There was even a bit of adrenaline involved, because in my mind these Bauer bowls were the most desired objects in the world, and I was racing to beat all the other fans to them. <\/p>\n
Having a passion directs you in a way that\u2019s surprisingly liberating. Browsing aimlessly in a department store can be disheartening, but shopping for something specific\u2014a wedding-guest dress or a pair of black trousers\u2014can shape the experience, fill you with momentum, and reward you when you land your trophy. It\u2019s more fun to move through the world filled with purpose, with a mission. The size and the shape of that purpose don\u2019t matter; it\u2019s the function that counts, the sense that you know what you\u2019re looking for and how good it will feel when you find it. <\/p>\n