{"id":613228,"date":"2026-09-03T14:32:11","date_gmt":"2026-09-03T14:32:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/613228\/"},"modified":"2026-09-03T14:32:11","modified_gmt":"2026-09-03T14:32:11","slug":"what-theo-of-golden-teaches-us-about-mattering","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/613228\/","title":{"rendered":"What “Theo of Golden” Teaches Us About Mattering"},"content":{"rendered":"

There are no spoilers below. <\/p>\n

I recently finished Allen Levi’s novel Theo of Golden, and I loved it. I have since been reflecting on it, on its characters, and on what Theo is doing with the people around him.<\/p>\n

The engine of the story is Theo’s project to buy portraits of the residents of Golden and return them to the people they depict, asking only for that person’s story in exchange. What stayed with me was the sheer amount of attention<\/a> Theo gives to ordinary people who do not seem used to receiving any. He notices them, gets curious, asks about their lives, and then he remembers, and finds ways to let them know that what they told him stuck.<\/p>\n

Isaac Prilleltensky has described mattering as two experiences that have to occur together: feeling valued and adding value. We need to be acknowledged and appreciated by others, and to feel that we contribute something to their lives. Have one without the other, and something still feels off. <\/p>\n

Theo’s encounters supply both.<\/p>\n

It starts with attention<\/p>\n

Attention has been at the center of the research on mattering from the beginning. When Morris Rosenberg and B. Claire McCullough first described it, they framed it in terms of whether other people depend on us, regard us as important, and pay attention to us. Of those, they suspected attention was the most basic\u2014the ingredient on which the others rest.<\/p>\n

Most of us know this feeling from the receiving end. A friend brings up something we mentioned weeks ago. A colleague notices that we have been quiet lately. Someone asks how our appointment went or asks a second question instead of nodding and changing the subject. The underlying message is important: You stayed with me.<\/p>\n

Theo does this over and over again. He meets people, becomes interested in them, and gives them something most of us are short on: unhurried time.<\/p>\n

Gordon Flett and Taryn Nepon have suggested that feeling cared about is a central part of mattering, and that what reaches us is how other people show that they care about us in ways we can actually detect.<\/p>\n

Theo does something with what he notices. He gives people his time, follows through on what he said he would do, and his concern becomes something the other person can feel.<\/p>\n

This raises an uncomfortable question for readers: We may care a great deal about the people in our lives, but do they know?<\/p>\n

Why you can feel lonely in a room full of friends<\/p>\n

Mattering is more than belonging. You can be a longtime member of a group, invited to every gathering, included on all the chats, and still suspect that nothing much would change if you stopped showing up. Belonging is about membership; mattering is about consequence.<\/p>\n

Research on loneliness<\/a> associates feelings of insignificance and invisibility with greater loneliness, which suggests the core issue is not the size of a person’s social world, but their belief about their place in it.<\/p>\n

There is a second half to Theo’s story that can be easy to miss. He both helps others feel valued and adds value to their lives. Prilleltensky’s point is that we need both. We want evidence that our lives have worth and that we have made a difference in someone else’s life. Theo’s project gives him a steady supply of the second, which may be part of why a man who lives so quietly seems so at home in what he is doing. <\/p>\n

Prilleltensky has described people who foster mattering in others as mattering agents. Theo is a wonderful example of someone who actively creates experiences of mattering for other people.<\/p>\n

Becoming a mattering agent<\/p>\n

Few of us are going to take on a project like Theo’s, but we don’t need to; most mattering is communicated in unremarkable moments:<\/p>\n

Relationships Essential Reads<\/p>\n

Notice. Being noticed is often the first evidence anyone has that they matter. You can make sure to notice the colleague who has gone quiet, or whose contribution was ignored, or the friend who seems slightly off.
\nAsk the second question. “How are you?” is a greeting. The follow-up is a conversation. Circling back to something someone told you last month tells them that their words did not evaporate the moment they walked away.
\nSay it out loud. Do not assume people know what they mean to you. Send the message. Mark the date. Name the specific thing you appreciate rather than the general one.
\nTell people when they have made a difference. This is the half we forget. If something a person did helped you, changed how you were thinking, or made your week easier, they may have no idea unless you tell them.
\nGive people something to contribute. Ask for an opinion you actually want, or accept the offer of help. Making room for what someone is good at can say “you matter here” even more convincingly than a compliment.<\/p>\n

Theo is generous and good with people, but what stayed with me was how he pays close enough attention so that the person across from him walks away knowing they were seen. That is available to most of us, most days, for the price of slowing down.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"There are no spoilers below. I recently finished Allen Levi’s novel Theo of Golden, and I loved it.…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":613229,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[61,60,43],"class_list":["post-613228","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-ireland","tag-ie","tag-ireland","tag-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/613228","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=613228"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/613228\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/613229"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=613228"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=613228"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=613228"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}