{"id":621197,"date":"2026-09-11T07:56:12","date_gmt":"2026-09-11T07:56:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/621197\/"},"modified":"2026-09-11T07:56:12","modified_gmt":"2026-09-11T07:56:12","slug":"kyla-cobbler-with-coercive-control-i-didnt-understand-what-was-happening-the-irish-times","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/621197\/","title":{"rendered":"Kyla Cobbler: \u2018With coercive control, I didn\u2019t understand what was happening\u2019 \u2013 The Irish Times"},"content":{"rendered":"

Growing up in Ballincollig, Co Cork<\/a>, we were very much left to our own devices. It was a small-town vibe. I was working from no age, making money. We just had to. We didn\u2019t want for anything that was our basic human rights, like clothes and hot water, but Doc Martens and that kind of stuff, there wasn\u2019t money for that. You don\u2019t see, when you\u2019re 13 or 14, that you should be studying when you\u2019re making money. Also I was so good at working and I was such an encouragement whore, like, \u201cYou\u2019re great, Kyla, can you do an extra shift?\u201d Getting all these compliments, I loved it. <\/p>\n

School years were the worst years of my life. My teachers thought I wasn\u2019t trying, whereas I was really trying. I came from a household where there was a lot of conflict, and then going to school and being told that I wasn\u2019t trying hard enough was the most disheartening and difficult time of my life.<\/p>\n

When I moved schools it was a bit better. I met Ms Costello, my English teacher in secondary school: she called me intelligent. She was very focused on getting me a diagnosis before my Leaving Certificate. The diagnosis was dys-everything: I have dyscalculia, dyslexia<\/a>, dyspraxia. Dyspraxia showed up in my uniform: the top button, the shirt and tie, the heavy leather shoes and the tights around your belly button. I felt like I was in a straitjacket. <\/p>\n

Dyspraxia and dyslexia made me more solution-based, because everything was hard. It was like, \u201cRight! Let\u2019s find another way to do this!\u201d When my mum and dad used to fight, I\u2019d be like, \u201cWatch me juggle? Want to see me dance?\u201d It was a way of keeping the peace. <\/p>\n

I left Ireland at 18 or 19 because of school, feeling very stupid. I went to Greece, then to Australia, then Milan, then Barcelona and now I\u2019m in London. <\/p>\n

In Milan I was working in fashion houses. I got into a relationship with a charismatic older man, and it was like the death of me. I\u2019d seen abuse. I\u2019d worked in pubs. I\u2019d seen men put their hands on their wives, push their wives. In my mind, an abusive man was someone obvious. When it was coercive control and manipulation, I didn\u2019t understand what was happening. <\/p>\n

Writing about it in the book after all these years, I haven\u2019t found anything funny in it. There are certain things that happen to women that aren\u2019t funny and haven\u2019t been dealt with and are normalised and terrifying.<\/p>\n

All through my 20s I was trying to find what I was. Comedy was my X-Men moment \u2013 you know when they hit their teenage years and have a superpower and they thrive? I didn\u2019t have that until I was in my 30s. I never thought I was going to find something I could just do. I was afraid I was going to live my whole life and not have a purpose. <\/p>\n

As a comedian I can be nothing but myself. I get up on stage and I just talk and riff and have fun. Being open and honest and vulnerable, you learn more because people put their guard down and they\u2019re much more willing to connect with you. <\/p>\n

[\u00a0\u2018I was sitting having a whiskey with Tommy Tiernan, going, yeah, this is my life. What a gift\u2019Opens in new window<\/a>\u00a0]<\/p>\n

I\u2019m 35. I\u2019m at a point in my life when I would love to have children. I do [Instagram] stories where I chat about how I\u2019m feeling. I think women are mothers. Being a mother isn\u2019t just bearing children. All of us have that caring, nurturing kindness and ferociousness and fierceness. That for me is motherhood. <\/p>\n

I\u2019m spiritual. I believe in the source, or the creator, but I\u2019m like, it\u2019s a woman. You can\u2019t convince me it\u2019s a man. <\/p>\n

My mental health<\/a> is really good right now, but I do suffer with a touch of depression<\/a>. I\u2019m learning how to say no to things, to recognise when I need rest. I spent a long time being hyper-independent. So even though I met my husband Simon, fell in love and married, I\u2019m still saying I can do it myself. He\u2019s like, \u201cYeah, you can, you\u2019re so capable, but I can also help.\u201d It is a constant work in progress, learning how to receive help. <\/p>\n

I love Ireland. I think I\u2019ll always love her. I think there\u2019s a right-leaning undercurrent that is a bit scary, but maybe I\u2019m just seeing things online and getting worried. Would I come back to Ireland? Never say never. If, one day, Patrick Kielty had to go on paternity leave and I had to come back and do The Late Late Show, I\u2019d love to host The Late Late Show for a while. I love live TV. I love the buzz. <\/p>\n

I\u2019m going to take over the world [laughs]. I want to do everything I can and have the most fun and keep my integrity and crush it. That\u2019s the vibe.<\/p>\n

In conversation with Nadine O\u2019Regan<\/p>\n

Kyla Cobbler\u2019s memoir Happy, Thank You. More, Please. is published by Hachette. kylacobbler.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Growing up in Ballincollig, Co Cork, we were very much left to our own devices. It was a…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":621198,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[321,46,1853,25799,93,631,61,60,99,709,1454,410],"class_list":["post-621197","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-celebrities","tag-celebrities","tag-cork","tag-depression","tag-dyslexia","tag-entertainment","tag-for-you","tag-ie","tag-ireland","tag-london","tag-magazine","tag-me-myself-and-ireland","tag-mental-health"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/621197","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=621197"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/621197\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/621198"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=621197"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=621197"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=621197"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}