Ronan is smoking one of his famous rollies in the doorway of the Museum of the Irish Gangster when he sees me coming.<\/p>\n
\u201cRosser!\u201d he goes. \u201cThe fook are you doing on Capel Street dressed like that? Did you take a wrong turden cubbing ourra Chapter One again?\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cRo, I need to talk to you \u2013 in private.\u201d<\/p>\n
So \u2013 yeah, no \u2013 we tip inside.<\/p>\n
He goes, \u201cWhat do you think, Rosser?\u201d <\/p>\n
There\u2019s, like, a red Fiat Punto hanging from the ceiling.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s like, \u201cIt was The Viper\u2019s foorst car.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cYeah, I\u2019m delighted for you. Ro, I need to talk to you about something. It\u2019s important?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSorcha\u2019s engagement ring was stolen.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you accusing me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cJesus, Ro, why are you always so defensive? Here, it wasn\u2019t you, was it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, it wadn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRight, well, it went missing from the gaff. And she\u2019s convinced someone climbed through a window and lifted it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHad she it inshewered?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, no, for 50 K\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou paid 50 grand for an engagement ring?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, she thinks I paid 50 grand for an engagement ring. And now she\u2019s looking for the receipt before she puts in the claim.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMoy Jaysus.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMy words exactly. Although maybe pronounced differently.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo how much was the ring?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFive hundred quid.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFive hundred quid? Where\u2019d you get an engagement ring for 500 quid?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFrom you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSoddy?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour mate got it for me. The dodgy jeweller.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhich one? I\u2019ve known a few in me time.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ah, hang on. Carats is inside as well. In Limerick<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u00a0Ronan<\/p>\n
\u201cHe had a cowboy\u2019s name.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWas it Glint Eastwood?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s the dude. Do you think he could give me a receipt even after all these years? And make it out for 50 K\u2019s?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGlint dudn\u2019t do receipts, Rosser.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy doesn\u2019t he do receipts?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGenerally, people who sell diamond rings for 500 quid don\u2019t expect customers to be cubbing back at them looking for paperwoork \u2013 do you get me?\u201d<\/p>\n
I feel my mouth fall open.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cWait a minute, are you saying it was stolen?\u201d<\/p>\n
He goes, \u201cDrop the Carmela Soprano act, Rosser.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCan we at least ring, er\u2013.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGlint Eastwood.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGlint Eastwood. I mean what\u2019s he doing now?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTen years in the Midlands Prison.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFock.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo he\u2019s in no position to write you a receipt, Rosser.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIs there, I don\u2019t know, someone else looking after the business for him while he\u2019s inside?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe business? Jesus, Rosser, you\u2019re as green as a fooken cabbage. He has an associate, but. You remember Carats?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not ringing any bells.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe was on me stag. He bought you a lapdance.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, no, I remember Carats.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cForgery is his thing now. I could ring him and ast him for a receipt. It\u2019ll cost you, but.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow much?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cA few grand would be my guess. Ah, hang on. Carats is inside as well. In Limerick.\u201d<\/p>\n
It\u2019s at that exact moment that my phone rings. And \u2013 yeah, no \u2013 it\u2019s Sorcha.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m like, \u201cFock.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ronan goes, \u201cWhy doatunt you tell her the throot, Rosser?\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cBecause I never have before and it\u2019s always worked out for me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHonesty is the best podicy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSays the man running Ireland\u2019s first ever gangster museum.\u201d<\/p>\n
There\u2019s, like, 20 seconds of silence that feels like 20 hours<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re maddied, what, 20 years? This was all a long time ago. She\u2019ll wontherstand.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you think?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThrust me, Rosser.\u201d<\/p>\n
So I answer the phone and put it on speaker. I\u2019m like, \u201cSorcha, I went to Weir\u2019s like you said \u2013 but unfortunately I couldn\u2019t get a receipt.\u201d<\/p>\n
She\u2019s there, \u201cWhy not?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause \u2013 in fairness \u2013 I didn\u2019t buy the ring in Weir\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cExcuse me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI bought it from a friend of Ronan\u2019s called Butch\u2013\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGlint Eastwood,\u201d Ronan goes.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cSorry \u2013 Glint Eastwood.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGlint Eastwood?\u201d Sorcha goes. \u201cOh my God, was it stolen?\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cStolen?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ronan goes, \u201cDon\u2019t be a tout, Rosser. Remember, he can get to you \u2013 even from inside jayult.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m like, \u201cOf course it wasn\u2019t stolen. What do you take me for?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo why can\u2019t this Glint Eastwood provide a receipt?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s, em, gone away for a little while.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFor how long?\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m like, \u201cHow long, Ro?\u201d<\/p>\n
He goes, \u201cTen years \u2013 if he keeps he\u2019s snout clean.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cYeah, no, quite a while, Sorcha.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo who\u2019s running the business while he\u2019s away.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSome dude called Carats. A good goy but it turns out he doesn\u2019t do receipts either.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRoss, that ring was worth \u20ac50,000.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ronan goes, \u201cTell her the throot, Rosser \u2013 or I widdle.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cLook, Sorcha, cords on the table here, when I told you how much the ring was worth, I may have possibly exaggerated?\u201d<\/p>\n
She\u2019s like, \u201cExcuse me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat I mean is, it may not be worth exactly 50 K\u2019s?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo how much is it worth?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay, before you overreact, Babes, let me point out that the rule in regords to buying an engagement ring is to spend, like, two to three months\u2019 salary on it. Well, at the time I bought yours, I\u2019d never worked a day in my entire life. So what I spent was way over the odds when you think about it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Eventually, she goes, \u201cHow much, Ross? How much did you spend?\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cFive hundred quid.\u201d<\/p>\n
There\u2019s, like, 20 seconds of silence that feels like 20 hours.<\/p>\n
Then she goes, \u201cThe reason I was ringing, Ross, was to tell you that I found my ring an hour ago.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat? Where did you find it?\u201d<\/p>\n
She goes, \u201cBetween two sofa cushions.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ronan drops his cigarette and twists it into the ground with his shoe. He goes, \u201cGood luck, Rosser. You\u2019re on yisser own.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Ronan is smoking one of his famous rollies in the doorway of the Museum of the Irish Gangster…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":657571,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[93,61,60,709,42327],"class_list":["post-657570","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-entertainment","tag-entertainment","tag-ie","tag-ireland","tag-magazine","tag-ross-o-carroll-kelly"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/657570","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=657570"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/657570\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/657571"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=657570"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=657570"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=657570"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}