\u2018I did the deed with the girlfriend of a very good friend and it\u2019s been bothering my conscience lately\u2019Opens in new window<\/a>\u00a0]<\/p>\nI\u2019m like, \u201cHonor Maya Angelou Suu Kyi \u2013 although I think we dropped that last bit \u2013 O\u2019Carroll-Kelly! Come back here! Tell me what\u2019s wrong! But maybe keep it short because I want to think about rugby some more.\u201d<\/p>\n
She goes, \u201cI got dumped.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m like, \u201cDumped? By\u2013?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDaniella,\u201d she goes.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m like, \u201cDaniella. The waitress from the old man\u2019s restaurant. Right.\u201d<\/p>\n
She goes, \u201cIs that all you can say?\u201d<\/p>\n
But in fairness to me, I said from day one that Daniella was way out of her league in terms of looks and that she should maybe lower her sights a bit.<\/p>\n
Of course, there\u2019s no medals for calling it. Never has been.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cThat\u2019s, em, terrible. I know what you\u2019re going through.\u201d<\/p>\n
She\u2019s like, \u201cNo, you don\u2019t. You told me you\u2019ve always been the dumper and never the dumpee.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cThat\u2019s actually true.\u201d<\/p>\n
She goes, \u201cSo why are you saying you know what I\u2019m going through?\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m like, \u201cIt was a figure of speech, Honor. Wasn\u2019t meant to be taken literally.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looks me up and down, then she goes, \u201cI should have known better than to try to talk to you about it. You focking loser. You were a shit rugby player and a shit parent.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m suddenly there, \u201cA.I., Honor,\u201d and I don\u2019t know where it even comes from. \u201cA.I. will have the answer.\u201d<\/p>\n
She\u2019s like, \u201cWhat are you on about?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, no,\u201d I go, \u201cyour old dear came home from her Mount Anville Alumni Prayers & Prosecco morning two Sundays ago\u2013\u201d<\/p>\n
She\u2019s like, \u201cPissed?\u201d<\/p>\n
Within, like, five seconds, ChatGPT has decided who was to blame for the breakdown of their relationship<\/p>\n
And I\u2019m there, \u201cWell, obviously pissed. But she was banging on about this girl she went to school with \u2013 we\u2019re talking Sive O\u2019Neill. I got off with her twice. Which probably isn\u2019t relevant to the story. I\u2019m just giving you a bit of background colour. Anyway, Sive got divorced last year.\u201d<\/p>\n
She\u2019s like, \u201cAnd this affects me how exactly?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell,\u201d I go, \u201cshe was telling Sorcha how ChatGPT helped her through the early months of the break-up by telling her that it was mostly her husband\u2019s fault. Seventy-four per cent his fault. That\u2019s how accurate this thing can be.\u201d<\/p>\n
She doesn\u2019t say anything but I can see that I have her attention.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m like, \u201cYou basically upload your entire WhatsApp chat history with someone to ChatGPT, then it analyses it and it\u2019s able to tell you within literally seconds why things didn\u2019t work out and how much of that was the other person\u2019s fault. Here, give me your phone there.\u201d<\/p>\n
She hands over the old Wolfe and I go into her WhatsApp history with the famous \u2013 yeah, no \u2013 Daniella. I notice that the last seven or eight messages are from Honor to her, pleading with her to give her one more chance. I don\u2019t comment on it either way. But if she lowered her sights and went for someone who no one else wanted, she wouldn\u2019t need to beg like that. Call that a Rossism if you want.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cLike I said, the important thing is the figure that it comes up with at the end,\u201d and I upload the entire conversation to ChatGPT. \u201cAnd to think, I used to laugh in his face back in the day when Fionn said that computers were the way the world was going.\u201d<\/p>\n
Within, like, five seconds, ChatGPT has decided who was to blame for the breakdown of their relationship. And I instantly freeze because it\u2019s definitely not what I was expecting.<\/p>\n
I read what it says \u2013 well, let\u2019s be honest, I skim through it. It\u2019s like, \u201cBased on the conversational thread provided, Honor regularly demonstrates cruelty, condescension and thoughtlessness …\u201d<\/p>\n
Honor\u2019s there, \u201cWhat does it say?\u201d<\/p>\n
But I\u2019m still reading.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s like, \u201cDanielle is the peacemaker in the relationship and the most likely to compromise …\u201d<\/p>\n
[\u00a0Sorcha\u2019s old dear singing sounds like a fox with its head trapped in a gateOpens in new window<\/a>\u00a0]<\/p>\nHonor\u2019s there, \u201cDad?\u201d<\/p>\n
It\u2019s like, \u201cHonor shows many narcissistic traits and a tendency towards pettiness that is child-like …\u201d<\/p>\n
Honor goes, \u201cDad!\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m suddenly looking around the room, going, \u201cNo, it\u2019s not working, Honor. Must be a Wifi issue. So much for computers being the way the world is going.\u201d<\/p>\n
Except she snatches the phone out of my hand. She doesn\u2019t bother even reading what it says, just scrolls to the bottom of the page for the all-important figure.<\/p>\n
\u201cEighty-eight per cent?\u201d she goes. \u201cI\u2019m eighty-eight per cent to blame for the break-up?\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m like, \u201cChatGPT doesn\u2019t know you like I know you, Honor. I\u2019ve always said you were an acquired taste. Haven\u2019t I always said you were an acquired taste? And, what, ChatGPT thinks it knows you after, what, five seconds?\u201d<\/p>\n
But she\u2019s seriously lost it now. She\u2019s going, \u201cEighty-eight per cent! Eighty-focking-eight!\u201d showing one or two of the other qualities that ChatGPT also called her out on.<\/p>\n
Did I mention it said she was wilfully deaf to opposing arguments?<\/p>\n
\u201cFock you,\u201d she goes, throwing her phone full-force at the wall. \u201cFock Danielle. And fock ChatGPT.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m there, \u201cWe\u2019ll pop up to Dundrum when you\u2019ve calmed down and buy you a new phone,\u201d because this is Ross territory. This is what I do best. I parent.<\/p>\n
Then I close my eyes and I go back to thinking about rugby.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I think I\u2019m on the record somewhere as saying that I\u2019d prefer to be remembered as a great…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":670986,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[61,60,709,42327,112],"class_list":["post-670985","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-sports","tag-ie","tag-ireland","tag-magazine","tag-ross-o-carroll-kelly","tag-sports"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/670985","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=670985"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/670985\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/670986"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=670985"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=670985"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=670985"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}