How many things does it take to make a trend again? Three? I’ve decided that for now, two is close enough, because I’m certain it’s happened more times and I just missed it. What I’m referring to is MomTok’s tendency to wear garments that are basically like “FUCK MEN” while also dating men and living their lives fully immersed in an oppressively patriarchal culture. Earlier this season, Layla wore an “I SUPPORT A MAN’S RIGHT TO SHUT THE FUCK UP” hat. And in this episode, Jessi sits in the car with her emotionally abusive husband while wearing a tank top covered with “BOYS LIE” patches and appliques. It feels like a “girls only, no boys allowed” sign on a bedroom door. Except these are grown women. So are these sartorial choices a safer way to express feelings without having to face the consequences of, I don’t know, telling a man to actually fuck off? Are they a baby step on the road to a more productive and life-enriching feminism? Or are these just brand deals and I’m reading too much into it?
Boys do lie, though, especially when they’re named Dakota. Jessi pledges to tell Taylor about Dakota sexting Taylor’s “almost family member” if he doesn’t do it himself. And so far, he has not. He and Taylor chill in bed, looking at all their Stagecoach pictures. She’s so glad they’re all getting along and even tells him she’ll always love him. You can already see exactly how this will be edited for an intro supercut for The Bachelorette.
I’m getting ahead of myself, though. It must be hard for the moms to keep all these timelines straight, especially with multiple seasons being filmed and aired in rapid succession. For instance, they just filmed the season-two reunion, where they could only talk about what happened months ago, but in “real time,” they’re living out a totally different mess in public and online, much of which could spoil season two — and this is all occurring toward the end of season three. It hurts my head!
After having to film with Nick Viall, Whitney and Conner take their kids to the park to blow off some steam. They talk about how shocked they were to see the receipts on display, specifically Demi’s messages to Marciano and her recorded conversation with Jen, where she provides Jen a detailed script and acting coaching. To me, that recording will always say more about Demi’s character and motivations than any other receipt we have seen as of yet. It’s so transparently manipulative! In light of all this new information, Whitney feels she needs to talk to Demi to better understand the whole situation.
But before that can happen, we must tease MomTok’s new “LGBTQ allies!” core brand tenet. Mayci is buying apples at the grocery store because Jacob says she eats too much Del Taco. In the middle of the produce aisle, they discuss Jacob’s gay cousin and how Mayci and Jacob aren’t like other Mormons. So MomTok will host a pride event to show they’re allies to the community, especially in light of Utah’s shitty House Bill 77.
In what feels like a slightly more authentic conversation, Jen meets up with DWTS pro, Ezra. Like Jen, he is also Hispanic, from Utah, and grew up Mormon. Unlike Jen, he is gay, and when his parents found this out, they pulled him out of dance. He eventually left Utah and the church, and stopped talking to his parents. Then later, his whole family left the church and now his mom has a pride tattoo. After telling this whole story, Ezra says to Jen, “God doesn’t give you something you can’t handle … wanna film a TikTok?” Impeccable stuff. Any underperforming MomTok members should be ready for an elimination vote at the next board meeting because Ezra is here and ready to PERFORM. He’s fun and raw and living out most, if not all, of the MomTok brand tenets. Who cares if he’s not a mom? Many of the best Real Housewives aren’t wives. Semantics!
Anyway, it’s time for Whitney to sit down with Demi to get to the bottom of what Demi really meant by “eggplant, water, clam” emojis, among other post-reunion pressing questions. Demi has answers for everything. Flirty texts? It’s how she talks to all her friends. Her pet name for Marciano? A “funny prank” her daughter made up. Marciano FaceTiming her daughter in the first place? An accident. Talking to Marciano if he’s her abuser? A trauma response and also a plan to prevent the sexual assault from “coming out.” Any other questions? Bret knows everything.
Whitney returns to the hotel after hearing Demi out and immediately reports everything to Conner, as it’s not adding up for her. He points out that Bret wanting to order DoorDash food to his wife’s abuser is “odd” (a very diplomatic way to put it!), then goes on to say if Whitney came home and reported she was assaulted, he’d do everything in his power to keep this person away from both her and their kids. Whitney ultimately thinks Demi is not being 100 percent honest with her, and also likely not being honest with herself. Conner ultimately wants to err on the side of believing the person who said they were inappropriately touched but the story isn’t adding up. If you’d have told me during season one that these two would have the most measured and mature response to really anything, I’d have done a hearty chortle. But my favorite part of being a reality television fan is being proven incorrect! People are complicated.
Back in Utah, the Swig sponsored beverages are flowing at the MomTok pride event. Taylor eats funeral potatoes while Jessi feels sick to her stomach knowing Dakota is there doing bumps of caviar and wooing his baby momma back. Everyone, including the podcast bozos who busted their way onto the guest list, is well behaved. Mayci pops over to Joseph (Jacob’s cousin) and is all like, “I [production] was JUST wondering: was it hard to come out to your family?” Mayci compares his coming out journey to her telling her parents she was pregnant out of wedlock while at BYU. Mikayla asks about any changes at BYU with the pride flag law as if BYU was flying pride flags in the first place. When Mayci and Jacob get home, they plant a pride flag in their yard because MomTok needs to use their platform for good and be more active allies for the LGBTQ community. Okay, so … y’all are going to be supporting progressive candidates and measures up and down the ballot from here on out, then, right? RIGHT?!
Earlier in the episode, Jace and Mikayla went to a couples therapy session. It’s the same therapist who tried to refer Mikayla to a sex therapist, so I assume it’s an interim situation. They rehashed their struggles around vulnerability and disparate sex drives. Jace was concerned Mikayla wouldn’t have the motivation to work through this stuff, but the therapist reminded them that building a better relationship as an example for their kids could be a powerful motivator. This seems to work. While discussing their birth plan, Mikayla tells Jace for the first time that her abuse started even earlier than at 15 — that there were other instances when she was six, but she felt like she had to protect her abuser. Jace’s heart hurts so bad (same!) and he says his job is to create the first safe space for her. If Jace ends up taking an evil (or even just classic shitty man on this show) turn, so help me god.
Speaking of classic shitty men on this show, Taylor learns about Dakota’s discretions. Her therapist told her she was going to get news of something really hard. Is this normal? I’ve never had a therapist who also acts as an oracle. The therapist tried to get Taylor and Dakota to come in so he could tell her in a controlled setting. This did not happen because Taylor was about to leave for Los Angeles, so Dakota told her immediately about his dalliances with [basically-a-family-member]. I totally get Demi’s daughter’s name being censored out, but a friend of Liann’s mother, who is presumably a grown woman? Surely the TikTok detectives will figure it out soon enough.
Alas, it’s a mess and Taylor is mad she’s going to have to disassociate while filming Jimmy Kimmel. She had a glimmer of hope last week, and now she has nothing. But soon, she will have no less than five limousines full of suitors vying for her hand. And that’s to say nothing of the most important thing she has: SISTERHOOD.
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