If you happen to be among those exchanging vows this season, it would be worth the effort to carefully plan for a financial life together to minimize conflicts over money later.

“Have open and honest conversations around finances,” said Anannya Mishra, a couples therapist in Bengaluru who has an independent practice and is also on the panel of Sneh Therapy, an online counselling platform. Sometimes, women are hesitant: “How can I talk about money? I love this person. It doesn’t look good,” said Mishra.

That’s a mistake.

“If you don’t talk now, then conflicts will arise later,” Mishra cautioned.

Typically, conflicts stem from differing attitudes towards money, divergent spending habits, and sometimes even disagreements over the wedding itself. Perhaps one partner has financial anxiety and wanted a low-key wedding, while the other one wanted it to be a lavish affair, said Mishra. “Whoever has had to accommodate carries that resentment,” she said.

Here are five steps in a marriage that can save the heartache later:

1. Get to Know Your Financial Selves

Perhaps you know what your partner likes to do for fun, or even his favourite foods, but how well do you know his attitude towards money? Is he a spender or a miser? Does he have a huge credit card debt? Is he the type who makes risky investments, and would you be okay with that?

“He may be a big risk-taker, and you may not be,” said Tania Ahuja, founder of Nobias Analyst India, a Sebi-registered investment adviser in Mumbai.

Have a conversation early on to understand your own and your partner’s financial selves.

Ask yourself: “What do you want from your money? What are your expectations? How will you get the money that you want?” said Renu Maheshwari, a Sebi-registered investment adviser in Chennai, and founder of Finscholarz Wealth Managers.

Maheshwari said they conduct money behavioural analysis of their clients, which reveals differences in the financial personality of the two partners.

For instance, if they find that one partner is a big miser, perhaps the other can make a joke of it and not get irritated in future when he or she skimps. Or, if one of the partners is a spendthrift, they can fix a limit within which he or she can spend. This provides relief to the other partner that the spending won’t hurt the couple’s overall finances.

Once that understanding comes, the relationship gets better, said Maheshwari. “We’ve seen conflicts getting resolved.”

2. Plan for Your Financial Goals

“Talk money and make a plan,” said Ahuja.

Besides discussing near-term wants, like the type of wedding or honeymoon you’d like, discuss big-ticket goals like buying a car or a home.

It’s possible that one partner dreams of having a large house in the suburbs, while the other one wants to be close to the city centre even if it’s a small apartment. Come to an agreement and record your goals.

“When you write down all these goals, not only is that a tangible thing, it also will help you say ‘No’ to things that are coming in the way,” said Ahuja.

Be considerate of your partner’s personal goals. Maybe one partner wants to take a year off to study further, or start a business. Perhaps, one of you wants an international vacation every year, but the other one doesn’t have time.

“There would be so many of these kinds of goals which require money but they’re not a family goal,” said Maheshwari.

Talk about any concerns you may have to prevent resentment from building up.

Goals and dreams change with time, so such conversations should become a constant part of your married life. “You’re just setting the path,” said Maheshwari. “Nothing that you do today is going to last forever.”

3. Get Bank , Investment Accounts Sorted

Think through the practical details of managing your finances. Should you create a joint bank account? If so, how will the contributions and spending work?

Even if you open a joint bank account, maintaining a separate personal bank and investment accounts can be smart from a taxation and psychological point of view. This arrangement avoids a situation where one partner feels that all her money is being spent on household expenses, while the other partner is saving and investing his money, said Mishra.

There are no right and wrong options, say advisers, so long as both partners are aware.

Ahuja shared the example of a woman who had been working for 7 years, and used to give her money to her husband for investing. However, a search on her PAN card, to which all investments are linked, showed nothing in her name. That’s when she realized that her husband had been making all investments in his name and on his PAN card, said Ahuja. “She was like: I can’t even ask him how it’s doing because then he feels like I am questioning him,” said Ahuja.

The lady eventually told her husband that she would make investments on her own, with help from Nobias, and her husband was fine with that.

Had the marriage broken up, Ahuja said, the lady would be left with no money in her name.

4. Make a Budget and Get Safety Nets in Place

Once the basics have been discussed, Personal Finance 101 kicks in.

Make a household budget, using a budgeting app or on your own. A good starting point is the 50-30-20 rule – 50% of your after-tax income goes to your needs (rent/home loan, groceries, utilities), 30% to wants (entertainment, gadgets, holidays) and 20% savings for emergencies and future needs, (children’s education, retirement).

Next, put safety nets, because an unexpected financial situation, like a sudden job loss, can damage the best-laid financial plan.

“First emergency planning, then all the goals,” said Ahuja.

Ideally, the emergency fund should be enough to cover 6-12 months of essential monthly expenses, like home rent and other bills. This money should be kept in a safe, easy-to-access place, like a linked fixed deposit.

Also, make sure that you plan for anyone else who might rely on you financially.

“What are your other family obligations?” said Maheswari. “How do you plan to take care of that in future?”

A part of the planning for safety includes buying insurance. However, not all insurance sold in the market is relevant to you. Consider life insurance only if your partner or a parent is relying on your income. On the other hand, “health insurance is crucial,” said Ahuja. Make sure it is adequate and also covers any dependent relatives.

5. Understand and Manage the Family Dynamics

If the newly-married couple is going to live in a joint family, it’s key to understand and navigate the family dynamics.

A woman getting married into a business family may find that someone other than her husband is taking all financial decisions in the household. “That becomes a big issue between the couple, and more so if she’s not coming from the same system,” said Mishra.

Mishra shared an example of a working woman who got married to a man who works in the family business. The lady resents that even decisions about their holidays as a couple are routed through her father-in-law, said Mishra.

Resolving such tricky situations isn’t as easy as walking away from the family business, said Mishra. Rather, she suggests, the man must set some boundaries with the elders, and create a space for his partner within the existing system.

Today’s empowered woman isn’t used to being left out when financial decisions are made , said Mishra. “It can be inadvertent, but it feels threatening for the woman.”