It’s an amazing episode for Siegfried and Mrs. Hall shippers — complete with sexual cribbage innuendo.
Photo: PBS

Wow, so there’s horse racing, greyhound racing, and apparently whippet racing. Whippets: the smaller version of greyhounds*. (*Not an official definition.) This is the week I learn not only that people race whippets, but that it is popular specifically in the north of England, and that it is dying out. Probably for the best.

We’re talking about dog racing because James discovers the practice is doing particularly poorly and needs more revenue. Siegfried is not being helpful because he is focused on making Jimmy identify what different animal poops smell like. At least I think that’s what’s happening. Jimmy’s having a great time, anyway. James brings up that they received a job offer from a local dog track that needs an attending vet. Siegfried hated how the horses were taken care of at the racing track he attended, so he immediately nixes the idea. James is pretty sure it’s a great idea and that the dogs at this unofficial racetrack in the middle of nowhere will be taken care of very well. So off he goes to Hensfield!

I see that one of the extras from Guys and Dolls is here to head up the dog track. This is Mr. Coker, wearing a fedora and a dark pinstripe suit. Follow the fold, sir. Mr. Coker says he doesn’t do dog racing for money. Of course not. Who would? He doesn’t need to see James’s references or certifications. Well, this all seems very legit. They go look at the dogs. A veteran named Willie has a dog with a full stomach, which apparently is a big no-no when the dog has to run super fast. James lets it slide after they bond about The War. Jaaaaaames, no, James. The dog gets last place, and James realizes that Willie overfed him on purpose to make the odds better for him in the next race. Someone cheating? At a dog track? James tries to tell Mr. Coker about it, but Coker is like, “It’s definitely fine; why don’t you treat this guy who skinned his knee? I know you’re a veterinarian, but that’s okay.”

So now James is out here knowing that Siegfried was right, which is annoying. Meanwhile, Tristan is having a time of it with George the Parrot. Can anyone explain why Tristan is still wearing his uniform all the time? I know the war is technically still on, but isn’t his part done? Does he have to wear it, or is this a personal preference? But okay, the parrot. George’s owner died and he was adopted by the Ainsley family, which includes one million children (okay, maybe four?). George is grouchy and mainly says “silly arse” all the time. He’s also pulling out his own feathers, which isn’t great. Tristan thinks it’s psittacosis, which can be transmitted to humans and is fatal to birds, so he gets George out of the house and quarantines him at the practice for monitoring.

Tristan asks Siegfried to watch the parrot, because Tris has dinner with Charlotte. Siegfried is too busy taking Jimmy on a hunt for fox droppings. And he has a proposal for Mrs. Hall! Yes, it is cribbage, and she finally tells Siegfried she doesn’t really like cribbage, actually (character growth!), but then he suggests backward cribbage and Mrs. Hall says she’s never tried it that way. Maybe I’ve been watching too much Bridgerton but SEXUAL CRIBBAGE INNUENDO. This episode is really a 10/10 for Siegfried/Mrs. Hall shippers. And it all starts with cribbage.

Because of being on ParrotWatch, Tristan runs over to Charlotte’s and explains he’ll have to miss dinner. They are still very cute, and we find out she hasn’t met his family other than Siegfried. Also, dying at her calling them his family. FOR THEY ARE. But then Tristan’s all weird and cagey about her meeting them, and is like, well, the parrot is very infectious, you see. Stop it, Tristan! She’s Emma Thompson’s daughter, for God’s sake. Think of the voicemails you could get from your mother-in-law. So now we have to worry about Tristan messing up his very good new relationship.

Meanwhile, Maggie stops at Skeldale and chats with Mrs. Hall about darts. Mrs. Hall is in fact very good at darts! She lends Maggie her board and decides to ask Siegfried to change their plans for the evening and go to The Drovers to play. “It’s not just about what he wants,” Maggie tells her. Okay, see? Character growth. Things are happening. It might be season six and it’s been glacial, but I will take it. When Mrs. Hall brings it up to Siegfried, though, he says he already spends most of his day inserting needles with varying degrees of accuracy, so no, they’ll stick with cribbage. Siegfried! Wasn’t it just the other week you were crying in the kitchen about Mrs. Hall possibly leaving you? Go play darts! That was a very funny line, though, well done.

Mrs. Hall isn’t the only one getting her suggestions shot down — James asks him to help him out at the racetrack and Siegfried says nope to that too. So it’s going to be James versus the Dog Track Powers That Be, which are Mr. Coker and The Tall Man in the Hat. Fortunately for James, back at home, Jimmy mentions to Siegfried that they can’t live at Skeldale because Helen said Siegfried is a shellfish. Siegfried takes this child-based feedback, drinks four double scotches, and asks Mrs. Hall if he’s selfish. She very tactfully says yes, and Siegfried decides to go to the dog track to help James. Fortunately, Mrs. Hall insists on driving. Has this happened before?? I do not think so.

At the track, James is telling everyone that Willy’s dog has bloat and cannot run or he risks dying. Willy finally agrees, but Mr. Coker and Tall Man in the Hat are very opposed. What, is something shady happening? At the dog track … okay, right, I’ve already done that joke. Siegfried stumbles up just in time and tells Tall Man to walk away. “I warn you,” Siegfried informs him, “I am fully versed in whippet racing code.” Then he and James grab the dog and run away in what proves to be a madcap dognapping, with Mrs. Hall as getaway driver. Everyone does a great job, except for the man who didn’t close the gate on them in time. He’ll probably be in trouble.

They save the dog’s life; Tristan finds out that George the Parrot is not sick, but sad, and Tristan tells George that he is also sad; Siegfried tells James that he wants to apologize to Helen about his behavior, and he wants them to stay at Skeldale. Hurray! Also, we get our next excellent Siegfried and Mrs. Hall moment as she dabs at the cut below his eye. Her hand is on his face! Her hand! Is on! His face! Siegfried asks if she wants to go to The Drovers for darts. Good lord, just get married; what is wrong with you two? Are you “complex human beings” with “emotionally loaded backstories” and things aren’t “as easy as that?” Booooooooooooooo.

After his heart-to-heart with George, Tristan invites Charlotte to meet his family. She comes into the family room, and all quickly becomes chaos in a charming Skeldale way. We end on everyone throwing paper planes at each other. Bless you all.

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