When her 27-year- old son and 24-year-old daughter moved back home, Tricia Carter decided to ask them to pay rent. The 63-year-old, who lives in south London, charges them £300 each a month to cover bills including electricity and groceries.

She has a comfortable income, but their contributions help to keep the books balanced. The money is also a way to make her children aware of the financial burden of living somewhere, she says.

While both her children work, their jobs are junior and not well paid, so she charges less than the market rate for a room so they can save into a pension and for a deposit for a home of their own.

Choosing the figure of £300 was “a bit of a finger in the air”, says Carter, but it was based on what she pays for utilities, food and council tax. “It’s not scientifically, or mathematically, accurate,” she says. It is paid by standing order on the first of the month and they have never skipped a payment. They buy their own food and take turns at preparing dinner and clearing up afterwards.

“Generally they don’t help significantly with other chores but are happy to help out when asked – for example, with gardening, taking the bins out, or feeding cats if my husband and I are away,” Carter says.

“I enjoy having them here. At least one night a week, we sit down and eat a meal that we’ve prepared together.”

Many adult children living with their parents help out with shopping or food costs. Photograph: Julien Behal/PA

Close to a quarter of parents with adult children have, like Carter, seen them move back home in recent years, according to a survey of 2,000 people across the UK for NatWest bank last April. It found young adults stay for an average of two years.

This boomerang generation has been forced back home as high rents eat away at wages, and graduates struggle to get their first jobs. But as these returnees become a more common phenomenon, so are conversations about how household finances are handled.

“Some parents may welcome their adult children back with open arms, but the reality of higher grocery and energy bills and overflowing laundry baskets can quickly take its toll,” says Alice Haine, a personal finance analyst at Bestinvest by Evelyn Partners, a financial services platform.

double quotation markParents must not neglect their own financial wellbeing, and set expectations from the outset’Alice Haine

While some parents provide free board and lodgings, others have to charge because having several adult children back home can cause financial strain and delay retirement plans.

Making sure set boundaries are in place – including financial ones – can help keep relationships healthy and instil financial responsibility in the younger generation, says Haine.

Too often, parents tend to dismiss that, she says: “Parents must not neglect their own financial wellbeing. They should set expectations from the outset to avoid ambiguity, and ensure [all] parties budget effectively.”

The idea of charging rent is one that about 60% of parents approved of, according to the NatWest survey. Haine says that while the sum asked for may not be significant, it lightens parents’ financial load.

“Asking for a contribution towards household bills is not only reasonable but often necessary,” she says. “Any rent charged should ensure parents aren’t left out of pocket and can continue saving and investing for retirement.”

Clare Moffat, left, charged her daughter a ‘reasonable but unscientific’ £350 a month while the 18-year-old lived at home. Photograph: Supplied

Clare Moffat, the the head of technical and marketing compliance at the financial services company Royal London, decided to charge rent when her 18-year-old daughter deferred university for a year and chose to stay at home instead. “My husband and I had a conversation and said: ‘What we think is good is to have an idea of what things cost and have her pay something in rent,’” she says.

The 48-year-old, who is based in Stirling, asked her daughter to pay £350 a month for the six months she lived at the family home. Her daughter, who had a part-time job, and eventually got a full-time contract, was happy to contribute, Moffat says.

The £350 went to cover food, rent, bills and being added to Moffat’s car insurance.

“It was an amount we thought was reasonable,” she says.

Her daughter paid it by standing order every month on her payday and never missed a payment. She used one of the family’s two cars to get to work, and paid for fuel.

“This was a good way to give her financial responsibilities, especially as she wasn’t used to paying bills,” says Moffat. “Even if you can afford not to charge rent, you’re setting up kids with life skills.”

She has made it a point to give her children responsibilities, she says. “They’ve always had to do jobs around the house: empty the dishwasher, do their beds.”

Her daughter would do the laundry for the whole family, wash dishes, keep her room clean and make a meal once a week if she was around. She would also give family members lifts when needed and look after the house. To show her gratitude, she would pay for meals occasionally and buy gifts.

“It was a good arrangement,” Moffat says.

London-based Catherine, 28, moved home in May 2024 after finding that low pay and high rents left her with little to live on in the capital.

She left her houseshare, where she paid £740 before bills, and moved in with her family. At home, she paid roughly £200 a month for bills, and bought her own food for meals.

Initially, she thought she would stay for six months, but remained longer out of necessity and because she got along with her family. “I’m lucky that way,” she says.

She agrees that paying some money when moving back home is reasonable.

Bella Caridade-Ferreira says it is great to have son Jacques around. He has offered to pay rent previously, but she turned it down. Photograph: Supllied

Jacques Ferreira, 29, moved back in with his parents in London last September after finishing his PhD in Norwich. Working part-time as a tutor and project manager, he covers his own daily expenses, such as getting coffee and seeing friends, but he doesn’t pay his parents any financial contribution towards housing or food.

He has offered to pay rent previously, but his mother turned it down.

“I would definitely offer again, and I know my mother would not hesitate to ask if needed,” he says.

His mother, Bella Caridade-Ferreira, 57, says she appreciates having her son back home, especially as he helps with cooking, does his own washing, keeps their communal space clean, and supports her with her health issues.

She says she is in a lucky position in that she does not need him to pay anything. She prefers that he saves up for a house deposit.

“I wouldn’t take money from Jacques,” she says. “My thing is to see my children well and happy, and I’m in a privileged position that I can help with that.”

Ferreira will stay until he finds a job that pays well enough, or needs to move to another city, she thinks. In the meantime, he can build up a financial cushion.

“It’s nonsensical for me to pay £1,200 a month [in rent] and I save it instead,” says Ferreira, who is still hoping to get on the housing ladder.

He pays his own expenses – if he is going out, for instance, or if he wants to cook for himself. His parents pay for family meals at home or out. If he notices the household is running low on something, such as milk or juice, he will buy it. And he pays for his own TV subscriptions.

As for Caridade-Ferreira, she says the house is big enough to make the arrangement comfortable, and she is not bothered by her son, who is quite independent.

“It’s a family dynamic, but it’s a grown-up family dynamic,” she says. “It’s great to have him around.”