Jessie Buckley has said her love of music and theatre helped her to cope with an eating disorder and depression during her teenage years.
The actor (36), from Killarney, Co Kerry, made the comments to Lauren Laverne during an episode of BBC Radio 4’s Desert Island Discs, published on Sunday.
“I had an eating disorder, and it took time, and it took a lot of help, and also it was depression,” she said.
“I didn’t know how to be alive the way I wanted to be, and it was difficult, but I do not for a second regret it, and I think I’ve been able to transform it and recognise our vulnerabilities as humans in the world.
“You know, you can’t walk through life not being affected, but you can transform that into something that allows you to be more human and alive in the way that you want to be.
“And I’m very grateful for everybody who helped me along the way with that, and for the people who held space for that … I ’ve been in therapy since I was 17, I still go every week.”
Buckley has recently received a string of awards for her performance as William Shakespeare’s wife Agnes Hathaway, historically known as Anne, in the film adaptation of Maggie O’Farrell’s novel Hamnet.
Jessie Buckley, appearing on Desert Island Discs, has spoken about her struggle with her mental health as a teenager, and has credited her love of music and theatre for helping with her recovery. Photograph: Duncan Barker/BBC/PA Wire
She also said she realised acting was “essential” for her wellbeing and “like water to me” after her appendix “almost burst” during one of her earliest performances. She refused to leave until the play was finished, at which point she was taken to hospital.
“When I moved to London, I still wasn’t out of the woods,” she added. “I think there were moments where I was like: ‘if I don’t get better here, this music, this being part of theatre – I’m not going to be able to do this any more, and I probably won’t survive’.
“And that was the thing that turned it in my head, I was like: ‘I don’t want to sacrifice that, this is bigger than that’, and won.”
Buckley also recounted her time on BBC talent show I’d Do Anything, which followed the search for an actor to play Nancy in a West End production of Oliver!
In an interview with British Vogue in January, she spoke about being criticised for her appearance during her time on the show.
Paul Mescal and Jessie Buckley speak onstage during the 32nd Annual Actor Awards at Shrine Auditorium and Expo Hall in Los Angeles. Photograph: Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images
Speaking to Laverne, Buckley said: “I don’t like that part of it. I think that was a young woman who’s trying to discover her body and herself, like we all do. And I wish that hadn’t happened.
“I think I was putting a brave face on, because really what I wanted to do was sing and I wanted to act, and I wanted to be part of this industry, and all of a sudden you had to be a certain kind of person.
“And I just wasn’t, I never will be. That’s just not me.”
Buckley added: “I’m so proud of that girl. I think she did great and I don’t regret any of it.”
She also spoke about her “extraordinary” mother, saying: “My parents are no longer together, and she lives in Dublin, and she’s writing her own story right now at 60 years of age, and I’m so proud of her.”
She sounded emotional as she gave her first song choice, which was her mother, Marina, singing O Holy Night in a church. – PA