Goodness, what a night. I think I’m done!
Thanks so much for joining me tonight for what was quite the show.
The Celebrity Traitors is back tomorrow night on BBC1 when we’ll get to find out if Alan has pulled off the least likely murder in plain sight in television history.
Enjoy the rest of your evening. I’ll leave you with Carol Midgley’s review of the first episode.
That was quite the opening number, and I don’t know about you, but all my fears about celebrities ruining the format have dissolved over the last 75 minutes. That was pleasingly entertaining. I’m definitely coming back for a second helping.
The programme found just the right balance of silliness, tension and intrigue, while developing some fine storylines and characters that I’m looking forward to seeing unwind.
Undoubtedly, it became the Alan Carr show as soon as he was made a traitor (a truly brilliant move from the producers), but they also leant heavily into the big gun signings of Stephen Fry, Celia Imrie and Jonathan Ross, who all earned their place at the top table.
We saw some great early supporting performances from co-traitor Cat Burns, who is without doubt going to grow as a formidable force in this series. Plus, characters like Nick, Tom, Niko and Clare helped keep the energy up with some excellent contributions in this first episode.
It’s going to take some time for us to get to know everyone, and it’ll be good to see some of the comedians like Joe Wilkinson and Lucy Beaumont have a little more time in the sun, but I’m confident their time will come.
Now you’ve seen the first episode, what do you think? Is it up to the same high standards as the civilian version of The Traitors? Will Celebrity Traitors become our new TV obsession?
And don’t forget to let me know in the comments who you think may win.
The greatest traitor we’ve ever seen? Or …
Alan’s strategy: “I’m just going to touch anyone’s face”. I mean, I admire his candour. This is going to be an indiscriminate drive-by pollen fling. It’s going to be a female, we think. But after that, anyone could get it. But who?
Will Alan overnight become the greatest traitor the castle has ever seen, or be found out immediately?
You could cut the tension with a knife. It’s Hitchcockian, it’s Psycho, it’s Rear Window, it’s Strangers on a Train…
It’s… over!
This murder in plain sight is a big test of our trio. There’s a lot of people around the house, so it’s very tricky to plot, plan or execute the mission. Especially as Alan is speaking loud enough that they can hear him in the Australian version of The Traitors.
But perhaps this shows just how disarming his personality is, as no one thinks he’s loudly laughing and plotting to kill. He’s the original smiling assassin.
Nothing can go wrong here as long as the person they rub pollen on doesn’t have hayfever. If they choose wisely, Alan can do this — but if the victim hasn’t had their Clarityn this morning, the results could be explosive and reveal a dastardly plot.
• How to spot a traitor at work (and how to be one)
I almost believe Alan. Almost.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, everyone’s having some turnip and haggis and Stephen’s off to the library. By my count, here’s everyone who died in Romeo and Juliet and Hamlet: Mercutio, Tybalt, Paris, Romeo, Juliet, Polonius, Ophelia, Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, Queen Gertrude, King Claudius, Laertes, Hamlet — so that’s 13? Am I right?
That’s what Stephen thinks too. Although Lady Montague is also proclaimed dead towards the end of Romeo and Juliet (“Grief of my son’s exile hath stopp’d her breath”, says Lord Montague), so perhaps we both have it wrong?
Tom Daley is squaring up to be a traitor-hunter extraordinaire and Alan is doing well. He’s doubling down on the big character energy and confusing everyone into thinking he’s faithful. It’s working. I almost believe him, and I know he’s lying! He’s fast emerging as the standout star of this show (alongside the deadly Celia, of course).
That diver can really run. Go Tom!
BBC/STUDIO LAMBERT/EUAN CHERRY
My favourite part of that challenge was the chain of people shouting the number of flags on the castle up and down a hill. Perhaps an idea for a new show once we all get bored of this one: Celebrity Semaphore with Tom Daley? You can have that one for free, BBC. If you don’t do it, Sky will.
It was all worth it. That horse really did burn.
BBC/STUDIO LAMBERT/EUAN CHERRY
And of course Stephen has found a way to end the challenge on a quote. This time he’s gone biblical: “One of you will betray me.”
Has Nick made a fatal mistake?
I’ve done some maths and the combined age of the 19 contestants is 892 years. Surely that’s too old to be pushing a wooden horse up a hill? I wonder how many physiotherapists will be waiting back at the castle with a glass of Sanatogen tonic?
Nick has shown he’s smart with that two-handed puzzle action at gate two. You mustn’t ever look clever in this game, Nick. Now he’s done it again at gate three. Let’s all hope they’re too knackered to notice. He is looking like one to beat here, and that’s not a good place to be so early on.
Rookie error from Balding
Mercutio, Paris, Tybalt … Never before has there been such a luvvie fest on a reality show. Everyone just keeps saying Tybalt. Tybalt.
But they’re all so busy chanting the names of dead Shakespearean characters they’ve taken their eye off the Balding, and Clare has, well, ballsed it up. She’s locked in the numbers before they’ve even got to Polonius and Ophelia and all the unsung dead heroes of Hamlet.
This is a disaster. And she is going to be viewed with suspicion from now on. Everyone will think she’s a traitor trying to sabotage things. She’s meant to be one of the smart ones, and she’s made a rookie error here.
Charlotte saves the day. But has she never seen this show before? No good deed goes unpunished. The faithful are going to think she didn’t need the shield because she is a traitor, not because she’s just a really nice person (which appears to be the truth here.) Unless she’s double bluffing … my head hurts. I think I need another Traitors-themed cocktail.
It’s a new day and everyone is in high spirits and barking up all the wrong trees.
Tom, Niko, Tameka? They’re not very good at this.
Celia’s response to being called a world class actor is fab: “Blah, blah, blah.” The best way to receive a compliment.
OK, Claudia is here with her giant white sleeves and there’s a Trojan horse in the road.
Stephen does bicep curls at the gym, so hopefully he can add some brawn as well as brains to this unlikely meeting of Greek mythology and Total Wipeout on primetime television.
The missions can sometimes feel a bit like an ad break between the real fun of The Traitors, so hopefully this one has a bit more flair than some of the more pedestrian tasks in the civilian series we’ve seen.
Everyone else has gone home. And the traitors are meeting up for the first time.
I’m not sure where the celebrities stay, but I believe for the civilian series they sleep at the Marriott by Inverness airport, which is about 45 minutes away by car (seems like a long drive after a whole day of traitor-hunting). If you fancy it, I just Googled and you can get a king guestroom from about £130. Maybe the celebs stay somewhere else, but if you’re at a loose end you could always go on a pilgrimage looking for the room Alan Carr once frequented.
Back in the turret, the more I see this trio together the more excited I am to see them in action.
No murder tonight — but the first one will be in plain sight. Always the most stressful type for the traitors. Are they trying to give poor Alan a heart attack?
Jonathan is emerging as the leader, but Cat has revealed a dangerous streak. Beware big personalities. Always beware in this game.
• Why winning The Traitors is not just down to tactics
We need to talk about Alan. How long can he keep this up? Is he worse than Linda? (He’s of course referencing Linda Rands, the retired opera singer in season three who wasn’t the most convincing traitor.) I think he’s being hard on himself.
He’s got to decide on a strategy fast, and I think he’s gone the right way.
Hide in plain sight.
He’s going to drink the rosé wine and sweat, and of course keep laughing and being loud. No one is going to suspect him as long as his mood doesn’t change. If Alan can keep this up he could end up being the ultimate traitor and we’re in for a rollercoaster of a series. But it’s a big if as the pressure is only going to mount from here.
A few theories doing the rounds early doors.
Alan randomly picks on Celia and Clare in an act of desperation, Clare has her eye on Kate, and Niko thinks there must be a youngster — he’s right.
And just as tensions are starting to diffuse over a drink in the lounge …
Here. Comes. Celia. “You might all be lying!” The timing is brilliant. She is going to be a formidable faithful. Jonathan needs to keep an eye on this situation — maybe he’s saying too much? Surely he’s capable of sitting quietly and observing? Oh …
• Read our interview with Celia Imrie: ‘I don’t like being the age I am’
The Traitors have been chosen
After some very loud walking from Claudia (louder than usual? Certainly more pronounced for the celebrity audience) we have our terrible trio — and they all wanted to be bad. So that’s nice for them.
The celebrities at the famous round table
BBC/STUDIO LAMBERT/EUAN CHERRY
BBC/STUDIO LAMBERT/EUAN CHERRY
Alan, Cat and Jonathan. It seems like a good mix, but time will tell.
Alan is inspired. How is he going to deal with this? He already looks like he’s on the edge and they’ve only had their blindfolds off for 20 seconds.
All three are looking a bit sheepish. Cat looks too happy, Jonathan is talking too much and Alan has a sweating problem and can’t keep a secret. But we know and the other contestants don’t, so I think I might be overanalysing this.
First impressions of the traitors. Cat is going to be the cool head who holds this trio together. Jonathan will come up with plans and misdirect the group. Alan is going to have to carry on as he is — and hope. Maybe he should just have another drink.
What do you think?
Who is going to get what they want?
I’ve always enjoyed the little interview segments with Claudia. But now I love them. Why?
Celia Imrie.
She’s so good at this, and she’s revelling in every moment of her latest role. I cannot wait to see how this pans out. Her and Mr Fry are being set up front and centre here. He says no one can spot a liar … imagine if they end up teaming up somehow. What a pair!
Back to business and we now know who wants to be a traitor. Nick wants to take out a national treasure, Joe W wants to see the turret (a good solid and rational reason), Jonathan, Cat, Alan, Paloma and the other Joe also want to taste blood.
Is Stephen going to be too clever?
What’s the first thing you look for when you’re booking a hotel? Furniture, knick-knacks and objets trouvés, I’d imagine? I’m with Stephen, it’s all about the objet trouvé — is that a feature you can filter by on Booking.com?
We’ve also seen our first peacock — so The Celebrity Traitors has really begun.
We’re starting to learn a bit more about our contestants, although there’s so many of them, it may take a while to really get their number.
Cat and Niko seem to be forming a little bit of a youth alliance, which could be interesting as things develop. But Niko’s plan of being an unknown entity has been foiled by Stephen’s sticky memory. As I feared before the show, Stephen is coming across incredibly well as a big thinker; could this be his downfall as he’s seen as too clever?
All this digging has aroused suspicion in the car ride to the castle.
Alan thinks Jonathan’s a traitor, even though they haven’t been picked yet, and Jonathan appears to be trying to start an early alliance in his Range Rover. It’s too early, Rossy.
Nick Mohammed
CODY BURRIDGE/BBC/PA WIRE
But the big chat in all the cars is: what the heck was Nick up to? Why did he spend the whole time helping Celia and not himself? He can’t be a traitor yet, but he has raised his head above the parapet, which is singularly the worst thing you can do in this game.
Even Celia thinks he’s a suspect now. Is he selfless or is he a game player with a plan? The fact that anyone is even asking the question means he has a target on his back.
Besides, he’s used to being a bad guy, after his villainous turn in Ted Lasso…
• Read our interview with Nick Mohammed
Them’s some boots Claudia!
Maybe Stephen was right, this is a bit of a blizzard of horror. Poor Charlotte in a white dress digging her own grave by hand, Alan not being able to tell the difference between a rock and a shield and Nick Mohammed is such a fan of Celia that he isn’t even bothering to help himself.
BBC/STUDIO LAMBERT/EUAN CHERRY
BBC/STUDIO LAMBERT/EUAN CHERRY
I’m not sure why some of them got a shovel, but here we are. All’s fair in love and traitors. Jonathan, Joe M, Joe W (this is going to be confusing, hopefully one of them is taken out soon) Kate, Charlotte and Celia have shields and they’re protected “for now” (what does that mean? They just scrabbled around on their hands and knees in the dirt. They need some certainty!)
Celebrities really love castles
Now you know what to buy your favourite one for Christmas. I’ve never heard so many whoops and wows in all my life. But I’ve already forgotten about that because now we’re seeing musical cars from above. Looks like the BBC has spent money on a drone — how very fancy. It’s like The Italian Job meets The Addams Family.
By the way, if you’re wondering, it’s called Ardross Castle, a 19th-century pile about 30 miles north of Inverness in the Scottish Highlands. Before you ask, it’s not a hotel so you can’t book a night there, but apparently it is a wedding venue with 100 acres of gardens and parkland. You’d probably get a decent photo or two, I’d imagine.
The opening exchanges have given us a flavour of our contestants
There’s been a lot of Stephen Fry on screen, which we’d expect as he is probably the least likely celebrity to be involved, and he’s also a one-man quote factory. The arrival cars sequence was bookended with “Let the horror unfold. Let the worst person win” and “a blizzard of horror”. He’s perhaps over-egging it, all he has to do is play wink murder in a castle. But we like it.
It’s also obvious that Celia Imrie is going to be brilliant. I’m calling it early. There’s a real twinkle in her eye, and she’s immediately interrogating poor Joe Marler. Keep your eye on her. She’s not taking any prisoners.
Alan Carr has, as we expected, turned up in sparkling form, and it looks like he’s going to add something very special to this series. While his plan to fly under the radar is clearly impossible, his infectious personality is going to be a lot of fun.
And then there’s Niko. You might not know him if you don’t have kids of a certain age. I’ll enlighten you — he’s a pretty big deal on YouTube as part of the Beta Squad, a channel with more than 11 million subscribers. They do funny and silly things — pranks and challenges — like everything successful on YouTube.
Here they are setting up a five-star cruise (what could go wrong?).
Licence fee-busting stuff
Well, that was a breathless and characteristically high-camp introduction. The highlight of course was the exploding train. Is this The Traitors or a trailer for a Michael Bay movie? Coffins too. This is licence fee-busting stuff.
What have we learnt?
Alan Carr might have a dark side, Imrie’s in it to win it. Stephen Fry is going to give the show a lot of excellent soundbites (“I don’t know what beasts lie within me”) and Tom Daley is preparing to “fight to the death!” — perhaps a bit extreme. We’ll see how things pan out, I suppose, but I’d advise him to take a breath.
Doesn’t the castle look lovely tonight? And you can’t beat an owl to get you in the mood. Claudia gives us her thoughts on a few of the candidates:
Clare Balding will be underestimated. Nick Mohammed is very clever. She can’t wait to see Charlotte Church at the round table. And she says what we’re all thinking: you just can’t help but think the inclusion of Celia Imrie in this cast is going to be a lot of fun. How better to add some levity to the mock dramatic intro than a CGI wink from the veteran actress’s portrait?
It’s a strong start — but why has she chosen these contestants to single out? Is it a sign that they’re going to be big players in episode one — or am I reading too much into this already?
Probably the latter.
The Celebrity Traitors is about to begin…
I can hear an owl hooting, I can see a stag stalking, I can feel a cool chill in the air.
Either that Murder in the Moonlight cocktail was stronger than I thought or we’re nearly ready to play The Celebrity Traitors.
I really, really want this to be good. But there’s always the fear that when you add the word “celebrity” to the beginning of any show, the wheels might start coming off fast, however high the calibre of the famous people.
Where’s the jeopardy? Yes, they’re playing for charity, but it’s not quite the same as complete unknowns competing for life-changing sums of money and perhaps the chance of fame.
We have to trust the format. And Claudia. Yes, it’s all going to be OK.
Meanwhile, the boss of the hit BBC1 show has revealed why Clare Balding, Tom Daley, Stephen Fry and a host of other household names made the grade.
• Read more: How the stars were picked for Celebrity Traitors
I found out what it’s really like to play The Traitors
A new Traitors Live Experience allows members of the public to play the hit game show. And as Tom Peck, the Times’s parliamentary sketch writer and TV columnist, discovered, it’s not as easy as it looks on TV.
Tom Peck discovered his fate at The Traitors Live Experience
GREY HUTTON FOR THE TIMES
“Dastardly manoeuvres were attempted. Bonds of trust were shattered,” he wrote. “At one point I believe a security guard may have been enlisted to help to locate a hidden teddy bear. Yes, there were challenges. Someone’s name now never gets mentioned on WhatsApp without a snake emoji.”
Quiz: how well do you know The Traitors?Where is The Traitors filmed? All you need to know
The filming location, Ardross Castle in the Highlands, has remained the same across every series of The Traitors UK so far. While much of the filming takes place at the 100-acre, privately owned estate, the beautifully elemental countryside around its location in Easter Ross — usually sped through as either the beginning or end of Scotland’s popular North Coast 500 driving route — is having its moment on the small screen too. We have everything you need to know about the Highland hangouts where the treachery will unfold.
• Read more about Ardross Castle
The answer to the question I posted at 7.35pm: traitors have won only one of the three series in the UK.
You remember? Series two where the dastardly Harry Clark sold poor Mollie Pearce down the river at the final moment.
Harry Clark bagged the £95,000 prize in the second series
BBC
Series one and three were both faithful victories. The first series was won by faithfuls Aaron Evans, Meryl Williams and Hannah Byczkowski.
From left: Aaron Evans, Meryl Williams and Hannah Byczkowski won The Traitors series one
PA
And in the most recent run faithfuls Jake Brown and Leanne Quigley shared the prize.
Leanne Quigley and Jake Brown won series three as faithfuls
BBC
Interestingly the UK bucks the trend here. According to my research, there’s been about fifty global series of The Traitors, and of those more than two thirds have been won by the traitors.
I’m not sure what that says about the British players, or perhaps the sample size of three series isn’t statistically significant. But what this global “research” tells us is that, celebrity or not, you are better off being a traitor near the end of the game.
Claudia Winkleman’s Traitors wardrobe
One question on many viewers’ lips will be this:
“What’s Claudia going to wear?”
Claudia Winkleman donned a range of capes in previous series of The Traitors
STUDIO LAMBERT/BBC
Our illustrious host’s serious sartorial style has been a talking point across the first three series with tweed jackets, oversized cable knit jumpers and hunter boots making regular appearances. (perhaps I should’ve been a fashion journalist?)
We’ll have to wait for the games to begin at 9pm to find out what this autumn’s must-have look will be, but it sounds like we’re in for a treat:
“It’s absolutely nuts.” Claudia says of this year’s wardrobe. “Unhinged in taffeta was where we went….”
I looked up taffeta in preparation for my new fashion gig, and it’s described as a “crisp, high-end fabric with a smooth, lustrous surface, known for its distinctive rustling sound.”
• Read more: How Claudia Winkleman made capes cool
Test your Traitors knowledge
While we’re waiting. Anyone up for a Traitors quiz? More of a quizette really …
There have been three series of the UK version of The Traitors so far. But how many have been won by traitors?
I’ll give you a short while to think (or look it up!)
When will Celebrity Traitors be shown on TV?
If you don’t already know, the broadcast schedule for this celebrity show is a little bit different to the civilian version. It’s on Wednesdays and Thursdays at 9pm on BBC1 (no Friday edition), but the celeb show is running across four weeks rather than three and the final week has a Friday finale, which by my maths is going to be Halloween. Spooky! Let’s hope that the ratings aren’t frightful by then. You’ll be able to catch up on iPlayer.
OK, I’m off to try to invent a Traitors-themed cocktail to drink throughout the show; how about a Murder in the Moonlight, erm, a gin and tonic with a shot of strawberry cordial?
Here’s the series teaser to keep you company …
How to spot a traitor at work (and how to be one)
The Traitors is mean and dark and addictive because we’ve all been there. Any decent, loyal worker knows the sick jolt of realising that a colleague you presumed to trust is a devious, amoral, backstabbing liar.
Harry Clark is one of the most successful UK Traitors to date
The problem is — as bemoaned by the programme’s Faithfuls on discovering that they have banished yet another innocent they believed was two-faced — most people are remarkably useless at spotting a snake.
Are you hosting a Celebrity Traitors party?
Not long to go now and this lengthy build-up continues. Think of it like the FA Cup final day in the 1980s when the coverage started on breakfast TV for a 3pm kick-off.
Have you had your Traitors-themed dinner and donned your cloak yet?
No? Me neither.
Next year, I’m going to be better prepared and have a starter of Backstab Bruschetta (add a bit of chilli to stab those tastebuds) followed by a Faithful Feast (a good honest roast?). I suppose we may as well keep this going across three courses. What about a Murderess Mousse for dessert? I guess if this journalism lark doesn’t work out, I can always open a themed restaurant in Vegas.
Let us know in the comments where you will be watching the first episode.
It’s a heavyweight bunch of contestants, I’m sure you’ll agree — not a Love Island alumnus in sight. Testament to just how popular The Traitors has been across its first three “civilian” series in the UK, the programme has clearly cemented itself as the thinking man’s reality format. Yes, perhaps even surpassing The Wheel.
The famous Traitors portrait wall is polished and ready
PA
But who’s going to win? Well, we haven’t seen it yet, but that hasn’t stopped us trying to predict the winner. While we’re waiting for things to get going, have a look at our ranking and let me know in the comments if you think we’re on the right track.
• Who is going to win The Celebrity Traitors? Every contestant ranked
Meet the Celebrity Traitors crew
Let’s talk about the contestants. There are 19 of them — and it’s quite the line-up. Here they are:
BBC/STUDIO LAMBERT/CODY BURRIDGE
Above, from left:
Tom Daley, 31, former Olympic diver
Cat Burns, 25, singer-songwriter
Ruth Codd, 29, actress
Clare Balding, 54, television presenter and journalist
Niko Omilana, 27, social media personality
David Olusoga, 55, historian and film-maker
Jonathan Ross, 64, television presenter
Paloma Faith, 44, singer-songwriter and actress
Celia Imrie, 73, actress
BBC/STUDIO LAMBERT/CODY BURRIDGE
Mark Bonnar, 56, actor
Joe Wilkinson, 50, comedian and actor
Nick Mohammed, 45, actor and comedian
Charlotte Church, 39, singer and television presenter
Kate Garraway, 58, television presenter and journalist
Tameka Empson, 48, actress
Lucy Beaumont, 42, comedian
Alan Carr, 49, comedian and television presenter
Joe Marler, 35, former England rugby player
Stephen Fry, 68, actor, writer and presenter
Watch: the trailer for the new seriesFollow along as The Celebrity Traitors begins
Claudia Winkleman is back to host a new series of The Traitors — this time with a starry cast
PA
Good evening and welcome to The Celebrity Traitors live blog.
My name’s Tim, head of TV at The Times and The Sunday Times, and I’ll be your guide through this bumper opening episode — a whopping hour and a quarter of treachery and sartorial prowess from Claudia Winkleman, starting at 9pm on BBC1.
The BBC is so confident that this first celebrity outing of the reality format is going to be a hit that it has even pushed the news back by 15 minutes. They don’t do that for celebrity Bargain Hunt.
That said, I’m not sure they’ve ever convinced Stephen Fry, Celia Imrie and Jonathan Ross to bid for old tat at an auction room in Guildford.