Meredith and Lisa are sticking together, but Angie K. came armed with a scroll and a phone number
Photo: Clifton Prescod/Bravo

What a perplexing start to a reunion, and no, I don’t mean Bronwyn having long hair. After Andy doles out the usual hellos and introductions to the ladies on the couch, he asks Meredith, who is of course in the hot seat this season, what her goal is heading into the reunion. But before she can answer, she says she has a question of her own for Whitney that will determine the trajectory of the day, and asks about an exchange they had at BravoCon in which Whitney said she wanted to clear things up. Whitney explains she was extra friendly because she was drunk, and Meredith twisted that friendly exchange to claim that Whitney retracted every accusation she made this season. All in all, this is an odd digression that leaves us right back where we started — so on with the show.

Things kick off strong, with Heather saying she considers Lisa to be a “risky friend” and Lisa quickly firing back to call Heather “snakey,” given that she’s the one who egged on Angie into spilling the “making out and farting” story. She then accuses Heather and Angie of ganging up to “tag team,” which they find rich coming from Lisa and Meredith. Tag teaming becomes a throughline of this reunion. I’ve long said that Meredith and Lisa made an alliance of sorts going into this season, and that holds true. We see them confer with each other throughout the episode and jump into the other one’s fights, but I don’t think that’s a crime. That’s what Housewives is — just own it.

As for the RV trip that Lisa skipped, Whitney says she didn’t believe that she was actually working because she’s never willingly missed an opportunity to film. Even more suspiciously, Lisa never even posted a picture with Ben Affleck. Before the sentence even finishes leaving Whitney’s mouth, we see Lisa reach for her phone. I wonder how her Photos App is organized. Does she have Ben Affleck saved under “People” for easy searchability? Or does she have a designated Ben Affleck folder? In any case, even if she had to scroll, she eventually pulls up a photo of her with Ben Affleck — though it is from 2017, not the event in question, so it doesn’t really disprove Whitney’s allegation that she was really in Miami recovering from a facelift.

Can you imagine if Lisa denigrated the other women like this? Well, no need to imagine! As Bronwyn points out, this is no different than the way Lisa has been going after her all season. But when the conversation turns to a moot back-and-forth over the differences in their respective legal cases, I black out. My brain simply doesn’t have any more capacity for them saying the same thing over and over again in an endless loop.

I come to as the conversation turns to Bronwyn’s family, and it’s clear that the truce they made earlier this season is no more. That’s amplified by a video of Lisa telling a group of fans at BravoCon about how small Todd’s penis is and how big his belly is. Now, were the things Lisa was saying horrible? Of course. But I think it’s also morally wrong to expose the things said between a Real Housewife and the random fans they run into on the street. That’s a sacred covenant. Anybody who has ever met one of these women out in the wild knows that they love nothing more than you coming up to them (except Ramona) and will spill things to you, a stranger, that would send a publicist into anaphylactic shock. But there’s an understanding that we keep those secrets, not record them and post them online!

Somewhat randomly, we then take a break from discussing this season’s drama to celebrate the show reaching the 100-episode milestone with a montage of some of the most iconic moments (and one-liners) from the past six seasons. Coincidentally, when my life flashes before my eyes during a near-death experience, this montage is exactly what I see. The group gets emotional looking back at how far they’ve come and the impact they’ve had (Mary even says that she’s grown to fall in love with the group), which makes me wonder why they didn’t end the reunion with this, but alas.

Then, finally, after 28 minutes of waiting, Britani Bateman arrives, with a new stuffed animal in tow. And sure enough, it speaks, delivering yet another message of love from Jared, which visibly disgusts Mary. With the star of the show finally there, it’s time to delve into the season’s big crossover between RHOSLC and Below Deck Down Under. But did Heather and Jason go down under? No, Heather clarifies that by saying that they “fucked around,” she just meant that they were hanging out — and says that if they really did hook up, she would be screaming it from the rooftops. I love the way these women can make the English language mean whatever they want.

Okay, now it’s time to put on our Meredith Marks lawyer hats to discuss Bronwyn’s legal cases. But she’s holding the line, saying she essentially won’t talk about what she won’t talk about, but everything is resolved and above board. What she will talk about is her dispute with a roommate and eviction from over 20 years ago that has been expunged once she admitted to her wrongdoing. As she’s talking about that, Lisa and Meredith get caught whispering — but they clarify that it’s not about Bronwyn, but rather about other stuff that “we” might need to go back to. Oh, sort of like a tag team, Heather points out.

But was Lisa the one who leaked this to the press? She maintains she wasn’t, and even Bronwyn says she doesn’t think she did, but does think she makes sure these stories get traction once they’re already out there. For example, she says that she thinks Lisa spoke to a media outlet, accusing her of being late to the trip because of these stories, which thus amplified them. But Lisa says it’s not her fault that these things cross her desk. “I was an early reader. I started reading at three and a half years old, so I can read on Twitter,” she explains. Incredible.

But when the conversation turns to her businesses, Lisa has to read in the other sense of the word. Heather is confused about what exactly LUXE Marketing (Lisa’s company that isn’t Vida) does, and Lisa explodes at her for even asking the question. “You’ve come to events with Daniel Radcliffe, the Bella Twins launch, and you don’t know what the fuck I do?” The concept of putting Daniel Radcliffe and the Bella Twins on equal footing is chef’s kiss. As that side of the couch seeks answers about their castmate’s business (a loaded yet fair question given the precedent set by Jen Shah), Lisa turns it around and asks Bronwyn what she does since Todd was complaining about her spending all his money to produce a play. And what play was that you might be wondering? The Queen of Versailles. Maybe people in unfinished glass houses shouldn’t be throwing stones!

When Andy asks Angie what she thinks about all of this, we get a delicious bit of prop work. She whips out a gorgeous scroll that she’s seemingly been sitting on this whole episode. “I have known Lisa and thought she was my friend. And then I found out that she was trolling me. She says she’s not the source but if you open that … the person trolling me has the same phone number that Lisa has,” Angie said, handing over the scroll stuffed with evidence. Could it be? Have the producers’ prayers been answered? Maybe so, but we’ll have to wait until next week to see if we have another Reality Von Tease in our midst.

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