Recap time: Jerry holds a glass. Joanne holds a glass. The money next tot he round table still looks a bit like it’s made of chocolate. Joe Lycett jumps in a bear trap of his own construction. The traitors get told to make someone yawn. Let’s go.
Now that EastEnders has ended (tonight’s cliffhanger: Max Branning makes a brief telephone call), it is time for episode seven of The Celebrity Traitors to begin.
And of course, on Friday we said goodbye to dear old Joe Lycett. And in retrospect, he might have had the most interesting trajectory of anyone on the entire show. You will remember that basically his first act in the castle was to provoke Richard E Grant into admitting that he was a traitor, prompting one of the greatest unforced errors in the show’s history. And then, a few episodes later, he told everyone that he wanted to be recruited. And then, when he wasn’t recruited, everyone assumed that he had been recruited anyway and banished him. If anything, this was an even greater unforced error than Grant’s. What a confounding man you are, Joe Lycett.
Before the show starts, let’s have a look at where we all are.
Maya Jama – TRAITOR. Currently trying to make Jerry Hall yawn, by performing a number of unconvincing stage yawns.
James Acaster – TRAITOR. Currently trying to make Ross Kemp yawn, by performing a number of unconvincing stage yawns.
King Kenny – TRAITOR. Legged it, and has no part to play in the yawning game, the coward.
Jerry Hall – FAITHFUL. Currently looking at Maya Jama the same way you watch a bird that somehow flew into a shopping centre.
Ross Kemp – FAITHFUL. Currently flicking his eyes back and forth between James and Maya, like he’s on the precipice of bringing the whole game tumbling down.
Miranda Hart – FAITHFUL. In some sort of berserk post-round table delirium, currently thrusting her hips about and calling herself Big Mix. This might be significant.
Leigh-Anne Pinnock – FAITHFUL. Currently doing the same thing as Miranda Hart. Probably not as significant, to be honest.
The Celebrity Traitors S2 Maya Jama, James Blunt & Leigh-Anne Pinnock Photograph: PHOTOGRAPHER:/CREDIT LINE:BBC/Studio Lambert/Euan Cherry
Romesh Ranganathan – FAITHFUL. Still lost and lonely without Rob Beckett around. Might be good in a crisis, though.
Michael Sheen – FAITHFUL. He has been appointed the dad of the castle. Not because he’s very authoritative, but because he’s got a big old beard.
Sebastian Croft – FAITHFUL. Starting to sniff around the edges of the game.
Sharon Rooney – FAITHFUL. Still not in this enough for my liking.
Joanne McNally – FAITHFUL. Still perpetually wrong about all she sees. Essentially a hand grenade in human form.
James Blunt – FAITHFUL. Still around.
Hello hundies, and welcome to The Guardian’s liveblog of The Great British Yawn Off. You will remember that, as we left them, celebrity traitors James Acaster and Maya Jama were sat in a room being deliberately boring to Jerry Hall and Ross Kemp, in the hope that one of them would yawn and, as such, commit themselves to death.
Yes, that’s really how the last episode ended. I’m on the edge of my seat too.
More, excitingly, though, if press whispers are to be believed then this is the task where everything will go wrong. We’ve known for a while that this series would go spectacularly belly up at some point, and it seems like we are moments away from witnessing it.
The Celebrity Traitors S2. Jerry Hall, Romesh Ranganathan & Sebastian Croft Photograph: PHOTOGRAPHER:/CREDIT LINE:BBC/Studio Lambert/Euan Cherry
The edit of Friday’s edit hinted at Ross Kemp twigging the yawn game, although the blow-up be down to more than that. Maybe both James and Maya say the “I’m sorry, am I boring you?” line simultaneously. Maybe one of them admits to being a traitor. Maybe Miranda Hart, last seen thrusting her hips next to one of Little Mix, has a part to play in all this. Or maybe literally nothing will happen, and the show leaked all these rumours on purpose, because it knows this hasn’t been a very good series so far.
Only one way to find out. Meet back here at 8pm?