{"id":109721,"date":"2025-11-01T13:08:09","date_gmt":"2025-11-01T13:08:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/109721\/"},"modified":"2025-11-01T13:08:09","modified_gmt":"2025-11-01T13:08:09","slug":"at-42-my-crippling-anxiety-was-so-bad-i-couldnt-leave-my-bedroom-heres-exactly-what-i-did-to-get-it-under-control-nicola-bonn","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/109721\/","title":{"rendered":"At 42 my crippling anxiety was so bad I couldn’t leave my bedroom. Here’s exactly what I did to get it under control:\u00a0NICOLA BONN"},"content":{"rendered":"

To the outside world, it looked like I had it all \u2013 a 15-year career in radio, presenting shows on Heart, Classic FM, and more, a happy marriage to my soulmate, two gorgeous children \u2013 now aged 9 and eleven. I had a successful beauty podcast, was ambitious, bubbly, and to all appearances, confident.<\/p>\n

But that wasn\u2019t the whole truth. I\u2019ve struggled with anxiety, on and off, since I was little.\u00a0<\/p>\n

And while I\u2019ve managed it well for most of my adulthood, three years ago, it became so debilitating that at times I was too terrified to leave my bedroom. At its worst, I couldn\u2019t even sit down for dinner with my family.<\/p>\n

The roots of my anxiety are partly genetic \u2013 other women in my family have struggled \u2013 but it also comes from an incident during my childhood where I was terrified and felt like I needed to escape from a dangerous situation, but I couldn\u2019t. That led to anxiety around school assemblies, lifts, planes \u2013 anywhere I felt unable to exit quickly.<\/p>\n

As I got older, the anxiety came and went. I had a terrifying panic attack during my A levels, where I felt as though I was floating above my body, but in my 20s, my GP prescribed me Citalopram to keep it under control and it settled.<\/p>\n

Then came Covid \u2013 and my anxiety returned with a vengeance. I became intensely worried about keeping my family safe. Surviving on adrenaline, I felt almost fizzy with nervous energy.<\/p>\n

By the time it was over, all that tension had built to a head. I went shopping with my Mum and had a massive panic attack \u2013 in John Lewis<\/a> of all places. I\u2019d been clenching my jaw so hard, my hearing went muffled. It was utterly terrifying. It took me ages to recover \u2013 I had to sit outside. When I got home, I had a long bath and calmed myself down.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t see this as the warning sign it was \u2013 until it happened again a few months later. I was enjoying a G&T and catch-up with my best friend in her lounge, and another massive panic attack hit out of the blue.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Nicola <\/p>\n

Nicola Bonn has struggled with anxiety, on and off, since she was little. And while she has managed it well for most of her adulthood, three years ago, it became so debilitating that at times she was too terrified to leave my bedroom<\/p>\n

This time I couldn\u2019t shift it. I tried to go for a walk, but it didn\u2019t help. I was shaking. Her husband had to drive me home and I realised then that the anxiety was starting to affect my ability to function. I was developing a full-blown anxiety disorder.<\/p>\n

My main symptom was \u2018disassociation\u2019 – that petrifying sense of floating above your own body as your mind simply becomes overwhelmed by stress. Dissociation is a survival mechanism where you disconnect mentally from a scary situation to protect yourself.\u00a0<\/p>\n

But it also manifested physically. I\u2019d feel like I couldn\u2019t breathe, like I was dizzy and about to faint. I had horrible butterflies in my stomach and felt constantly sick. My body essentially shut down. My periods stopped. I found it hard to eat, and lost a lot of weight.<\/p>\n

Work \u2013 my podcast that I could record from my bedroom – was my saviour, my safe space, the only time my brain felt free.<\/p>\n

But that aside, I lived in constant fear of the next panic attack. I\u2019ve since learned that when you\u2019re scared of your anxiety, you\u2019re telling your brain there\u2019s danger, so you produce more adrenaline, and it loops and spirals. I was ruminating, my mind whirling in circles 24\/7. I wasn\u2019t me anymore and at times I even thought I\u2019d need to be sectioned.<\/p>\n

I was 41, my children were just eight and six, and I felt wracked with guilt that I wasn\u2019t being the mother I wanted to be. Anxiety forces you inwards, it\u2019s the most selfish illness. Sometimes I\u2019d shake and be unable to move, or find I was too scared to go downstairs and eat with my family, so consumed by that frightening feeling of not being physically there.\u00a0<\/p>\n

This happened whenever I was with other people \u2013 even my family – sparking a new anxiety cycle. One night, the kids wrote \u2018Get well soon Mummy\u2019 on plasters and came upstairs and stuck them on my bed. It makes me cry to think of it.<\/p>\n

\"Nicola <\/p>\n

Nicola lived in constant fear of the next panic attack and even thought she\u2019d need to be sectioned<\/p>\n

I\u2019m lucky, my partner was incredible \u2013 even though he was working full time, he took on the responsibility for running the house and the childcare. And I had amazing support from my sister, my mum, and my best friend Rosa.<\/p>\n

When you have severe anxiety, it\u2019s hard to know what to [i]do[i]. It\u2019s not like breaking a leg \u2013 there\u2019s no obvious fix. But you have to believe you deserve help. Instrumental in my recovery was finding the right psychiatrist \u2013 I knew I needed additional medication \u2013 and a brilliant psychologist who helped me make sense of it all.<\/p>\n

Equally amazing was the anxiety expert Joshua Fletcher, or \u2018Anxiety Josh.\u2019 He\u2019d been a guest on my podcast, Outspoken Beauty, which covers wellbeing, beauty and mental health, and it was his advice that really helped me get back out into the world.<\/p>\n

Josh told me that when you avoid things you fear will trigger a panic attack, your life becomes tiny. I\u2019d become frightened of being in my own body. I felt as though I was trapped in my head, and that would be my reality forever. That\u2019s a horrible thought, a horrible feeling \u2013 but Josh taught me that\u2019s all\u00a0it is. Anxiety tricks you into thinking you\u2019re broken and that you can\u2019t function \u2013 when in fact, there\u2019s nothing wrong with you, and the only way out is through.<\/p>\n

Slowly I discovered the only way to overcome my anxiety was to face it. I had to learn to tolerate the uncomfortable feelings. Sitting in my room, trying to think my way out of it was never going to work.<\/p>\n

The first step was dinner with my kids. A couple of months after that panic attack at my best friend\u2019s house, I managed it. I felt as though I wasn\u2019t there, as if it was a dream, but I tolerated it, and the next time, it was a bit easier. I did it consistently \u2013 every night – after that. It was exhausting, but I had to be brave.<\/p>\n

But I was still waking at 5am. I\u2019d have a second of hope, then remember, and lie there, mind spinning with worry. Josh told me to put my trainers by the bed. \u2018Don\u2019t think, get up, put them on.\u2019\u00a0<\/p>\n

So I forced myself to run every morning, to combat the whirring thoughts. It was the only time I could leave the house. It was still hard, but I knew I could go home at any time. I also knew it was important. And I really wanted to get better. I\u2019d feel anxious, but I\u2019d run alongside a nearby brook, listening to inspiring podcasts.<\/p>\n

My biggest breakthrough came a month after first sitting down with the kids for dinner, when Josh announced that he\u2019d be at my local Tube station in 45 minutes. If I was serious about getting better, I should meet him there, and we\u2019d go on the Tube. I cried. And then I did it.<\/p>\n

It was a huge moment in my recovery \u2013 the most liberating feeling. \u2018I\u2019ve been in the world, on the Tube \u2013 and I\u2019m okay!\u2019<\/p>\n

I began to lose the shame I\u2019d felt around my anxiety. I\u2019d been a high-achieving woman who was suddenly an absolute wreck, and for a long time that felt like weakness. But with Josh\u2019s help, I began to understand that what I\u2019d been suffering was not a failure of character or strength \u2013 it was my brain trying to keep me safe, in an unhelpful way!<\/p>\n

I know I\u2019ll never be anxiety free \u2013 that\u2019s unrealistic. But I have the capacity to tolerate it. I\u2019m 45 and despite the challenges of midlife like perimenopause, ageing parents and growing kids, I finally understand how to put anxiety back in its box \u2013 and not let it trap me instead.<\/p>\n

Find out more about Nicola\u2019s podcast at outspokenbeauty.co.uk<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"To the outside world, it looked like I had it all \u2013 a 15-year career in radio, presenting…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":109722,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[2039,2040,163,85,46,71390,231,522,523],"class_list":{"0":"post-109721","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-mental-health","8":"tag-dailymail","9":"tag-femail","10":"tag-health","11":"tag-il","12":"tag-israel","13":"tag-john-lewis","14":"tag-lifestyle","15":"tag-mental-health","16":"tag-mentalhealth"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/109721","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=109721"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/109721\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/109722"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=109721"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=109721"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=109721"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}