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\n After the tumultuous Stagecoach Festival weekend, I fear Taylor and Dakota are fated to be together.
\n Photo: Hulu\n <\/p>\n
Oh boy. I fear things are going off the rails. I stop paying attention for five minutes to daydream about each MomTok member\u2019s Erewhon order and the next thing I know, every single plot line is about abuse, assault, or both. It\u2019s making me question whether it\u2019s always been this way (thinking back to the season-two reunion<\/a>, the answer is \u201cpossibly\u201d) or if this season is just particularly grim. It\u2019s too much! Where have all the hijinks gone? We desperately need an infusion of drama about something stupid. The things I would do right now to write about, I don\u2019t know, someone getting a little tipsy and admitting she thinks one of the other mom\u2019s dogs is ugly.<\/p>\n But no. We are off to Palm Springs for Stagecoach, where MomTok does onscreen sponcon for a real cartoon villain<\/a> of a brand and discusses DadTok\u2019s imminent arrival. Before anyone can dig too deeply into Dakota\u2019s intentions to claw his way into Taylor\u2019s heart again, Demi is back on her bullshit. She posts a story that says:<\/p>\n \u201cIt seems pretty clear but I guess some people are still confused \u2014 unwanted physical touch = assault. PERIOD the end. To the people that were made aware of these events and watched me cry and then proceed to use their platform to victim shame publicly call me a liar and judge the way I handled it, from the bottom of my heart, shame on every last one of you.\u201d<\/p>\n The other women are frustrated because: (1) they insist Demi never cried in front of them, (2) they don\u2019t want to be lumped into a single \u201cvictim-shaming\u201d group, or (3) both. Either way, no one seems to understand what Demi\u2019s endgame is in all of this, especially now that lie detector tests seem to be standard operating procedure on this television program.<\/p>\n As a brief and beautiful respite, Lana Del Rey messages Mikayla with an invitation for a pre-set meet and greet. I wish the rest of this episode were exclusively the subsequent interaction. Watching even a minute of a non-reality TV celebrity interacting with their reality faves is often more revealing than a 5,000-word profile. Lana asks the women if they\u2019re all mic\u2019d up. She wonders if Whitney is really a problem. She probes, \u201cIf it\u2019s actually real?!\u201d Celebrities! They\u2019re just like us! Alas, the moms are all, \u201cwait until you see season two!\u201d instead of digging into the layers of reality and persona-making that are inherent to reality television. Perhaps in season four, the moms could take that advanced therapy talk foundation and add in some dabblings in postmodernist theory. That Kardashian analysis book<\/a> is out soon \u2014 hop to it, ladies!<\/p>\n Later on, Taylor lusts after Dakota. Some random girl talks to him while he\u2019s eating dinner on the grass, and Taylor gets disgruntled. Her previous goal was to focus on a healthy coparenting relationship, but she found out a family member has leukemia, and now she\u2019s all \u201cpart of me loves him, it\u2019s confusing.\u201d Mayci alluded to it before, and here we have definitive proof: Lana Del Rey really does horn ya up. The next morning, Dakota is missing from the dude\u2019s pool house because \u2014 shocking \u2014 he was in Taylor\u2019s room.<\/p>\n