{"id":133852,"date":"2025-11-15T00:39:12","date_gmt":"2025-11-15T00:39:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/133852\/"},"modified":"2025-11-15T00:39:12","modified_gmt":"2025-11-15T00:39:12","slug":"tgif-the-al-qaeda-commanders-perfume","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/133852\/","title":{"rendered":"TGIF: The al-Qaeda Commander\u2019s Perfume"},"content":{"rendered":"

Welcome back to where we do the news. Another week with the help of Sascha Seinfeld. It brings me no pleasure to report, but she is excellent. I\u2019m training a whole phalanx of TG soldiers to rise in my eventual (soon? tomorrow?) retirement. I\u2019ve been loving our new show Old School<\/a>, if you haven\u2019t had a chance to listen, the latest is with Fareed Zakaria<\/a>. In other news. . .<\/p>\n

\u2192 The Cologne Summit: This week, Trump met with Syria\u2019s president Ahmad al-Sharaa, a.k.a. Abu Mohammad al-Jolani, a.k.a. a once extremely wanted al-Qaeda commander. They wanted him bad. Almost as bad as I wanted Hillary. Anyway, at the end of the meeting Trump sprayed both sides<\/a> of Jolani\u2019s neck with \u201cVictory 45-47,\u201d his $249 cologne. \u201cIt\u2019s the best fragrance,\u201d he told the room. \u201cAnd then the other one is for your wife,\u201d Trump said<\/a> to Jolani. \u201cHow many wives? One?\u201d Jolani laughed: \u201cOne.\u201d \u201cWith you guys, I never know,\u201d Trump said, beaming. Smells like Eau de Jihadi.<\/p>\n

Syria\u2019s foreign minister, Asaad al-Shaibani, also got a spritz. I\u2019m now convinced Trump\u2019s true calling was to work at the Bloomingdale\u2019s fragrance department\u2014standing in a lobby, waving scent strips, making wisecracks and smacking strangers on the back, all \u201cThe scent makes the man!\u201d There\u2019s a moment when Jolani tries to pull away, tries to indicate that one spray was enough, sir, thank you, but Trump insists, and finally Jolani presents the other side of his neck to be doused in heavy musk. That\u2019s when you know you have the sale.<\/p>\n

Jolani\u2019s visit marked a rare visit to the White House by a Syrian leader (the first<\/a> since 1946). Until recently, he was labeled a global terrorist with a $10 million bounty<\/a> on his head (the U.S. bounty is still posted<\/a>!). He\u2019d spent years<\/a> detained at U.S. military facilities after being captured by American forces in Iraq.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe comes from a very tough place, and he\u2019s a tough guy,\u201d Trump told reporters<\/a>. \u201cI like him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Now, before going to the White House to be doused in Essence of Trump, Jolani was seen playing basketball<\/a> with top U.S. military officials. He makes a clean three-pointer. He looks so cool and hip. Whenever you think your life is boxed in or that things can\u2019t change, just think of Jolani. And to the Syrian delegation, that rash you get on any skin exposed to the Oval Office this week is not the start of a biological weapons program; it\u2019s Victory 47. The perfect gift for everyone on your list this year. While supplies last.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Welcome back to where we do the news. Another week with the help of Sascha Seinfeld. It brings…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":133853,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[42,43,40,38,41,39],"class_list":["post-133852","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-headlines","tag-headlines","tag-news","tag-top-news","tag-top-stories","tag-topnews","tag-topstories"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/133852","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=133852"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/133852\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/133853"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=133852"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=133852"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=133852"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}