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From Estefan\u00eda Vanegas Pessoa,\u00a0an advice column<\/a>\u00a0for anyone who\u2019s ever thought,\u00a0Am I the only one feeling this way?<\/p>\n Hi Tefi!<\/p>\n So I got broken up with in July 2024, and 2025 is about to end and I am not over him by any means. I truly think he was my soul mate \u2014 we never fought or yelled, always supported each other, and went through a lot together. He broke up with me because I haven\u2019t healed from a lot and became very dependent on him. We\u2019re still friends, and honestly, I still don\u2019t have eyes for any other person. He\u2019s getting out there and has hooked up with some people, but I can\u2019t even get close enough to someone to reach to the point of even flirting.<\/p>\n Also, almost all my girlfriends either stopped being friends with me or got real fake with me in the months after the breakup. The only two friends I have left live out of town, and so I haven\u2019t had an outlet. I feel really lost and alone despite my family thinking I\u2019m happier.\u00a0<\/p>\n I guess the piece of advice I\u2019m asking for is: How do I stop feeling like something is wrong with me? It hurts to internalize that for so long.<\/p>\n Best, Hi Still Heartbroken,<\/p>\n I\u2019ve only gone through breakups where someone betrayed me, and sometimes, even though it\u2019s a little sick of me, I am grateful for that. Because at least there\u2019s, like, a \u201cbad\u201d person, you know what I mean? Still, I don\u2019t think you understand how relatable this is.<\/p>\n The love of your life would want to be with you \u2014 maybe that\u2019s just something we have to boil it down to. I don\u2019t think you should continue your friendship with your ex if you\u2019re still pining for them. It\u2019s unfair to you, and you shouldn\u2019t have a front-row seat to someone you want but can\u2019t have, you know? It doesn\u2019t really give you a chance to move on, if you\u2019re still aching for another chapter with them in your life.<\/p>\n As for the friends you lost: good. You don\u2019t need fake-ass people in your life anyway, and sometimes both partners and friendships are just seasonal. I believe deep in my heart that one day you will find a love who will make you think back on this era of your life and wonder how you ever accepted a \u201cmaybe one day\u201d versus a \u201cdefinitely you.\u201d<\/p>\n The good news is that you\u2019re going through it, and that\u2019s the only way to learn new lessons. But ask yourself, Is the pain of an ex all you have left of your story together? How much internalizing is enough for you to move on and do something he never did \u2014 choose you? I don\u2019t think you\u2019re still heartbroken. I think you\u2019re just confused, and if we simplify the situation, the smoke can clear, and then we can see how much energy we are spending on what isn\u2019t spending energy on us. And we deserve some energy at minimum, no?<\/p>\n All my love, Hey Tefi,<\/p>\n So I was with my partner for six, almost seven, years, and I thought I would marry him. I lost my job and went back to school and worked part-time while he worked full-time. I got hurt and needed two surgeries, so he had to cover the bills while I was out of work. He said he felt like he was doing everything to make our dreams happen and I wasn\u2019t \u2014 so he broke up with me.\u00a0<\/p>\n I\u2019ve now healed from my injury and found a full-time job, and I\u2019m couch surfing till I get back on my feet. My ex leaves my messages on read, and I found out he\u2019s made a Tinder looking for a long-term partner. I\u2019m so heartbroken because I still feel like he\u2019s the one, the love of my life. I feel like my whole world is upside down, and I don\u2019t know where to go from here.<\/p>\n Topsy Turvy<\/p>\n Hello hello Topsy Turvy\u2014<\/p>\n He is a loser. (As if you wanted to get hurt and need help?) And I am so fucking proud of you.<\/p>\n You\u2019re starting over without someone who would rather leave you on read and talk to strangers. He saw you at your most vulnerable, and now you\u2019re seeing him for who he really is: someone who is capable of letting you down. If you got back together today, it would still linger over you. Being with a man who is capable of being this cruel \u2026 Isn\u2019t knowing he\u2019s capable of this enough? If that\u2019s how he treats the woman he loves, I would hate to be his friend. And I hope he sees this.<\/p>\n Every single person in the world will become disabled at some point, if they live long enough. You take it day by day, baby. Better days are coming. And I hope his next date shits in his Big hug. Hi Tefi!<\/p>\n I turn 30 in February, and I\u2019m very anxious about it. I honestly feel that I\u2019m not ready to face 30. I moved back in with my parents at 27 because of severe mental-health issues, and I\u2019m still here two years later. I quit my job in May, and I can\u2019t figure out what I want my career to look like. I know comparison is the thief of joy, but lately I\u2019ve caught myself comparing my life to my friends\u2019. I have two friends who have bought houses and a friend who just got engaged. I\u2019m also just now graduating college next month.<\/p>\n Did you feel any pressures or anxieties when you moved into your 30s? If so, what are some ways you were able to move past them? If not, what were some positive aspects you were looking forward to?<\/p>\n Thanks, Hi TFNT,<\/p>\n I think 30 was one of my hardest years ever. I had no idea what I was doing and I was dead Your friends have their own challenges they aren\u2019t posting or sharing about. Everyone does. To answer your question: Yes. I was terrified everyone around me was going to leave me behind, either because I didn\u2019t know what I was doing or because they secretly felt my presence was a rock in their pocket, because I was struggling really badly in a toxic relationship and I couldn\u2019t afford my medication.<\/p>\n The positive aspects I had were conversations like this one, in which I felt less alone. I would watch countless TikToks of women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s talking about struggles from their past I couldn\u2019t imagine: homelessness, poverty, betrayals, abandonments, disappointments from nightmares. And yet \u2026 there they were on my phone, laughing and reminiscing about ugly shit they\u2019d had to go through. I think we\u2019ll be like that too.<\/p>\n There are still days I wake up and think, What the fuck am I doing with my life!! You aren\u2019t alone, and you have to keep going, too. Talk about where you\u2019re lost and what you need, even if it\u2019s to yourself. But you have to keep going. You\u2019re still in the beginning of your book, and you have 100 more chapters to go.<\/p>\n Please let me know where you are in six months. I\u2019m thinking of you, and most of all, I believe in you.<\/p>\n \u2014 A stranger who\u2019s rooting for you.<\/p>\n Send your questions to asktefi@thecut.com\u00a0(and read our submission terms\u00a0here<\/a>).<\/p>\n
Still Heartbroken<\/p>\n
Tefi<\/p>\n
Health will deteriorate; he too will need someone to depend on. And if he\u2019s blessed enough to make it to old age, I hope when he reaches out for a helping hand, he\u2019s met with the cold reminder that he abandoned you.<\/p>\n
passenger seat. Whoops!<\/p>\n
Tefi<\/p>\n
Thirty, Flirty, and Not Thriving<\/p>\n
broke. When I say dead broke, I mean not a dollar to my name.<\/p>\n
Think about the conversations you\u2019re having with casual friends and acquaintances \u2014\u00a0 no one would know you\u2019re going through some shit, right?<\/p>\n