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\n Sutton is finally in a good place with the ladies, but she\u2019s letting a rogue assistant ruin her zen.
\n Photo: Ash Ponders\/Bravo\n <\/p>\n
This week on our favorite television program, Rich Women Doing Things, the rich women did things in Sedona. They played bumper cars in the supermarket and, after nearly flattening an irate local, instead of stopping, they just kept playing. They went shopping for $500 globes, $1,400 blanket coats, and $2,300 sets of turquoise jewelry without even wondering whether any of it was cultural appropriation. They hiked up the side of the mountain, panting and heaving, to sit at the top and talk to their crystals, feeding them little sips of water as if they would sprout and flourish into a crystal tree that could save the universe from the vortex.<\/p>\n
But mostly the rich women talked about Sutton. Before we can get to Ms. Brown, if you\u2019re nasty, we need to talk about Rachel Zoe because her five-episode grace period is over. By the power vested in me by the Eileen Davidson Accords, I have judged Rachel an excellent addition to this here reality-television program. Rachel is showing her authentic self, and that authentic self is creepy and kooky, mysterious and spooky. I wouldn\u2019t say she\u2019s altogether ookie or part of the Addams Family, but with her long hair going right into flowing gowns, she does look a little bit like Cousin Itt wearing the largest sunglasses he\/they could find.<\/p>\n
Rachel is from an earlier era, when being a reality star wasn\u2019t as defined a role and the Housewives were just getting started. I think that\u2019s why she shows up as herself, because that\u2019s what she learned how to do her first time on Bravo. She\u2019s one of the few recruits in a long time without a preconceived notion of what the job is or how she should do it. Also, she\u2019s part of these women\u2019s worlds already; she fits right in, she knows what to say, she knows when to shut up and when to speak up. She\u2019s fitting in perfectly. I\u2019m not quite sure that she\u2019s going to bring the conflict or the drama, but, at this point, I\u2019ve given up hope that this show is going to have as much conflict or drama as it used to. It is, after all, Rich Women Doing Things, and so far Rachel has been great at being rich, being a woman, doing the doing, and thinging the things.<\/p>\n
While we\u2019re on the topic of rich women, I have to ask: Is Kathy Hilton okay? Like for real. She\u2019s staying up until 4 a.m. creaking the floorboards of her desert cottage like a restless ghost, she\u2019s spending the day in bed watching TikToks, she\u2019s not engaging in any of the group activities, and she\u2019s just wandering around with a cloth napkin stuck to the bottom of her espadrille wedge and not even noticing. How does Kathy function? How does she make it through life? She doesn\u2019t even have her assistant on this trip to bring her donuts in bed while showing off his arms in a Las Culturistas T-shirt. (Speaking of which, I would like to marry this man, who showed up in Jen Tilly\u2019s room. Pastries, muscles, and decent taste in podcasts? My panties have never dropped faster.)<\/p>\n
Kyle doesn\u2019t seem that concerned about her sister, Kathy, which reminds me that Kyle is mostly concerned about herself, but also that Kathy has probably always been like this, so it\u2019s no cause for concern. Kyle is a bit concerned about her relationship with Dorit. After a long day of hiking, she and Erika sit on the top of a mountain, where the intersection of several ley lines is tickling their fannies, and they talk about Dorit. Kyle says Dorit is upset that she can\u2019t be as supportive of her, but she\u2019s hearing different things from Mo about Dorit, and she doesn\u2019t know how to square them. Kyle always claims that she\u2019s a girl\u2019s girl, but I don\u2019t see anything in the Pocket Girl Code, 13th edition, about it being acceptable to take the side of your never-to-be-ex-husband over your lady friend in that lady friend\u2019s divorce. I agree with Erika, though, that Kyle needs to get herself out of the middle of this or it\u2019s going to screw up both of these relationships.<\/p>\n
Dorit is in town bitching to Boz, who is in a hormonal haze, and Rachel about the same thing. She says that Kyle is saying she\u2019s supportive, more so than in the past, but she\u2019s waiting for Kyle\u2019s actions to match up with her words. She doesn\u2019t have that much time to consider it because, after a long day of shopping and hiking, the women return home to cook their own dinner. What, exactly, is up with this? Why are they doing this? They all have three assistants, two makeup artists, a hair guy, their accountant, one webmaster whom they share, and 47 producers. Couldn\u2019t they get one damn chef? Not one of those assistants, accountants, or hair people knows how to grill some chicken? Put those assistants to work.<\/p>\n
I really don\u2019t understand this decision at all, especially because the division of labor seems wildly lopsided and disorganized. Some of the women are totally incapable of cooking (like Jen Tilly), and others seem to prefer spending the better part of their evening in glam than in the kitchen. I think Amanda is right to be peeved about this whole situation. If Sutton is going to insist they all cook, give herself one of the biggest dishes, and then not show up to cook because she was \u201ccentering herself\u201d in her room, that is fucked up. I would complain too. Sutton says it\u2019s vacation and people should do what they want, but her skipping dinner prep is affecting the whole group and making them starve. When other people are relying on you, then you get down there, hammer that chicken, and get it on the grill in a reasonable time frame, or else I\u2019m sending Uncle Fester after you with a chainsaw.<\/p>\n
Before dinner, Amanda asked Kyle if she should tell Sutton something her friend reported back to her about Avi, Sutton\u2019s old assistant. Kyle heard that question, looked at a producer, looked at the producer inside herself, looked at Andy Cohen through the telepathic link they share, and then told Amanda she should totally bring that up at dinner. Amanda dutifully tells Sutton that a friend of hers ran into Avi out on the town, and she said that Amanda knows Sutton. He told the friend that Amanda should call him, he would spill all of the tea on Sutton and that Amanda should hire him if she really wants to piss Sutton off.<\/p>\n
Sutton\u2019s reaction is strange. She is just kind of like \u201cAaahhhh, okay\u201d and says that doesn\u2019t have anything to do with her. Then she says that she didn\u2019t believe Avi would say that. This is what I don\u2019t get: Does she think Avi wouldn\u2019t say that because she paid him $1 million to sign an NDA? Does she think Avi wouldn\u2019t say that because they\u2019re still friendly? Does she think Avi wouldn\u2019t say that because that\u2019s not in his character? Does she think Avi didn\u2019t say that because she thinks Amanda is trying to use her for a story line and she knows that pushing the Avi thing will get her attention? I have a lot of questions about Sutton and Avi, but my biggest one is why she doesn\u2019t think he would say that.<\/p>\n
It comes up again the next night at dinner when Sutton takes them to what is either a restaurant next to the airport or an airport restaurant but either way is as unacceptable as making people cook their own dinner and then being tardy with their chicken. Amanda brings up how Sutton snapped on her in the kitchen, called her \u201cmissy,\u201d and said Amanda shouldn\u2019t complain about her being late. I\u2019m with Sutton: When a Southerner calls you \u201cmissy,\u201d it\u2019s not that bad. It is a way to show your annoyance while taking it down a notch to illustrate that you\u2019re serious but don\u2019t harbor any ill will. Amanda seems to have crushed that good will when she asks if Sutton wasn\u2019t just mad about her bringing up her assistant.<\/p>\n
This gets Sutton very flustered, and she says that in the future, if the ladies want to talk about her and Avi, they should leave her out of it. \u201cAm I clear?\u201d she asks in a great A Few Good Men callback. (Rachel knows her job and answers, \u201cCrystal,\u201d and a Kung Minkoff waved at the ladies as her private plane took off at the airport next door.) Erika says just what I was thinking: By refusing to talk about it, Sutton is turning it into a big thing, making us all think it\u2019s worse than it probably is. Erika is great in this scene, telling Sutton that she\u2019s in a better place with everyone than she\u2019s ever been and that she shouldn\u2019t let this get her down. She also says that Amanda\u2019s intentions weren\u2019t bad; they just came across as gossipy.<\/p>\n
Sutton, however, does think Amanda\u2019s intentions are bad. She repeats that Avi wouldn\u2019t say that and then says that Amanda is using her for attention. Sadly (or not? Find out next week, when we can judge Amanda!), we don\u2019t know Amanda well enough to know if her intentions are bad or if she\u2019s lying. What we do know is that Sutton is pissed. When Kyle asks if Sutton is okay and she says no, Jen tries to talk, but Sutton cuts her off. \u201cJust stop,\u201d she says, without knowing what Jen was going to say, whether or not it was supportive, and if it had anything to do with the amazing hat she is wearing.<\/p>\n
Jen and Kyle get up to use the bathroom, and Jen says that she doesn\u2019t like being snapped at. \u201cAll of her friends give her a big pass because everyone knows she\u2019s fragile,\u201d Jen says. \u201cBut I do believe that is one of the reasons why Garcelle left. It\u2019s always all about Sutton. It\u2019s never about anyone else. Uhhh. It\u2019s just too much.\u201d That\u2019s quite an admission and pretty damning testimony. But Jen was feeling it, all the energy surrounding them, coursing through the ley lines like a million power strips connected to the same outlet. Maybe it\u2019s the vortex that Jen\u2019s feeling, all of these emotions \u2014\u00a0Sutton\u2019s neediness, Rachel\u2019s kookiness, Boz\u2019s inertia, Dorit\u2019s agitation, Kyle\u2019s absorption, Erika\u2019s space buns, Kathy\u2019s unbrideled insanity, and Amanda\u2019s, I don\u2019t know, manifestation \u2014\u00a0whooshing in and whooshing out, blowing their hair back like whipping winds in the desert wasteland. That\u2019s it. It\u2019s the vortex. Sucking them in and spitting them out all at once, like shadows flickering on the wall of the cave. No, too Platonic. Like ingredients going into a cauldron, simmering over heat, each one\u2019s magic rubbing up against the others\u2019 until, eventually, it\u2019s ready to explode.<\/p>\n
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