Southern Charm<\/a><\/p>\nEngaged in Battle<\/p>\n
\n Season 11<\/p>\n
Episode 8\n <\/p>\n
\n Editor\u2019s Rating<\/p>\n
3 stars<\/p>\n
***\n <\/p>\n
\n Craig\u2019s refusal to take accountability for leading Salley on might just push her into a \u201cThe enemy of my enemy is my friend\u201d alliance with Austen.
\n Photo: Paul Cheney\/Bravo\n <\/p>\n
There are three things that have little to do with the main storylines of this episode that I really want to talk about, so I\u2019m just going to ramble for a bit, and if you don\u2019t like it, well, there\u2019s the door. (There is no door. The door is an illusion. So is the world and this text. Nothing is real. Surrender to the robots.) The first is the big reveal we\u2019ve been waiting for: the names for Salley\u2019s chickens. I thought there were only two, but turns out there are actually three, and they are named Cantaloupe, Coconut, and Popcorn. Yes, this is better than giving them people names, but isn\u2019t it kind of disrespectful to name your chickens after food? Also, if that\u2019s what you\u2019re going to do, I can think of a few more names that are more appropriate. How about Cacciatore, Milanese, and Finger?<\/p>\n
The second thing is that Shep returns from a trip and is going to live with Craig because his new house isn\u2019t ready yet, which seems like malfeasance, and his old house is rented out for a tidy sum on Airbnb. (What housing shortage?) But the trip was to Cuba. How did Shep go to Cuba? Can Americans get visas to go there just to go fishing and jump off dilapidated bridges? Can he then get back into the country? Is ICE going to show up at his house? Or, wait. Do we own Cuba now? Was that like a BOGO with Venezuela? I live in England, and they gave most of the Caribbean back, so I don\u2019t even know who owns what or can exploit their natural resources anymore.<\/p>\n
Finally, the thing I really want to talk about is a possible Austen Kroll toupee reveal. I\u2019m not entirely sure how to interpret this weird scene where Austen and his girlfriend Audrey are out on the little pier at Rodrigo and Tyler\u2019s engagement party, but the fact that they included it in the episode makes me think it\u2019s significant. Austen is trying to take a sunset selfie of them and says, \u201cOh my god, look at my toupee.\u201d Then immediately says, \u201cWTF [indecipherable word but maybe \u201cBookie\u201d?]. It looks like I\u2019m wearing a toupee. What the hell was that?\u201d Then as Audrey is laughing, he says, \u201cDo you still like me?\u201d<\/p>\n
The way I read this is he said, \u201cLook at my toupee,\u201d and then immediately realized that both Audrey and the cameras were there and didn\u2019t know he had a toupee, so he changed what he said to mean it looked like he was wearing one. Upon realizing that Audrey now knows that he has a toupee, he asks if she still likes him. But is it really a toupee? It seems like he\u2019s always had that hair, and if it is a rug, then it is unspookable. I mean, no shame in it. Good for Austen. There isn\u2019t a single woman on any of these shows who is sporting her real hair 100 percent of the time, so if Austen wants to wear a wig, wear a wig. But the scene was odd, hard to interpret, and a little out of the blue.<\/p>\n
All of the action in the episode, including the first-ever non\u2013Drag Race wig reveal, happened at Rodrigo and Tyler\u2019s Greek-themed engagement party, and most of it was somehow related to the Salley, Charley, and Craig love triangle, with some extra Venita thrown in for spice. Earlier in the episode, Venita goes to lunch with her mother, who says that Venita wasn\u2019t being a good friend when she told Salley and her extra E not to call her when Craig finally dumped her. When Salley arrives at the party (looking stunning in a low-cut dress that shows Craig just what he\u2019s missing), Venita tells her she misses her and tries to get things back on track. However, Salley isn\u2019t that interested and thinks that Venita is trying to control her, so she just walks away.<\/p>\n
Things are also in tatters between Salley and Charley over Craig. Charley meets with our girl Molly to do a little craft project, and Charley confesses that she\u2019s anxious about her date with Craig. Charley is worried that things between her and Craig are \u201cweird\u201d now because of how Salley feels. Molly, very astutely, points out that things were \u201cweird\u201d with Salley and Craig because of how Venita feels and Salley didn\u2019t care, charging ahead and doing whatever she wanted. Because of that, Molly counsels that Charley should do what she wants as well, which is to go out with Craig. I have no notes. Thanks for doing my job, Molly. At this point, should I be more worried about losing recapping duties to ChatGPT or Molly?<\/p>\n
For most of the episode, Craig is trying to exonerate himself. When he recaps the situation with Madison, he says he did nothing to lead Salley on and Madison explains that the hot tub, the flirting, and the texts didn\u2019t help. Craig admits he knew Salley was trying to stay that night, and he was like, \u201cOkay, get home safe,\u201d swerving her back then. He says if he wanted something to happen he knew that was his invitation. According to Craig, he never wanted anything more than friendship and said she could have stayed over just to be nice. Okay, that\u2019s messed up. Shep, naturally, defends Craig, saying that\u2019s just how he is; he was being his usual chatty, flirty self, and girls just take it the wrong way.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know, boys. Like three-day-old gas-station sushi, I\u2019m not buying it. Yes, Craig was excited to have a new friend after his breakup with Paige, and his relationships with Austen and Shep were on the rocks, but if he had known she was trying to stay, he probably should have clarified the boundaries a bit more. He didn\u2019t even need to tell her, \u201cLook, I think we\u2019re just friends,\u201d but fewer invitations to the hot tub, a bit more talking about other girls he wants to date in front of her, a couple more tell-tale signs, and she would have gotten the hint. Craig should have made his intentions clearer before it got to the point where Salley had to tell him she was catching feelings in a livestock and feed store.<\/p>\n
When Craig goes to talk to Salley, however, he somehow blames everything that happened on her. Salley seemingly isn\u2019t upset that Craig cut her loose, she\u2019s mad that he told Austen that he\u2019s done with their friendship. Craig totally denies that he said that, even though it was, in essence, what he was saying. Craig\u2019s response is wild. \u201cYou believe the guy whose main goal in life is to tear me down,\u201d Craig says, referring to Austen as his \u201cenemy\u201d and getting upset at Salley for talking to Austen about him. When Salley says she didn\u2019t know Austen was his enemy, Craig says that she knows how Austen treats him. Okay, but if Craig thinks that about Austen, if he really views him as an enemy, why is he even friends with him? Why is he even talking to him? And how is he turning this whole thing around on Salley when he said it and it\u2019s clearly his fault? Some people love drugs, some people love sex, some people love money, some people love playing blues guitar with only a moment\u2019s notice at an outdoor bar, but no one loves any of those things more than Craig loves being wrong.<\/p>\n
After Rodrigo\u2019s party, the whole gang gets in Shep\u2019s party bus and keeps the party going on a night that will surely end in tragedy. Never go with Shepherd Rose to a second location. This is when the drama between Craig and Salley, and whatever is happening with Austen and Audrey, overlaps. All episode, everyone is telling Austen that he needs to tell Audrey that things between them are probably not going to the next stage of their relationship and fizzling out. Austen\u2019s sister, Katie, tells him, \u201cWhat are you doing if you\u2019re not all in?\u201d Even Austen describes their breakup as a meteor approaching Earth, one he\u2019s trying to ignore for a little while longer.<\/p>\n
When Austen is at the bar, Salley comes up to him to say that Craig told her that he didn\u2019t say he wrote off their friendship. Neither Austen nor Salley believe Craig, which is what happens when you have a reputation for being as fictional as Anna Delvey\u2019s credit report. Salley also tells Austen that Craig referred to him as his \u201cenemy\u201d and that he\u2019s not Austen\u2019s friend. Austen looks into Salley\u2019s eyes and even deeper into her cleavage, and hugs her close to his side. He smiles at her and she smiles back and he runs his hands through his (possibly fake) hair and smiles even bigger and she giggles and looks back at the bar and back at Austen. Meanwhile, Audrey, his girlfriend, is sitting all by herself in a busy bar, the blues music landing on her shoulder like a shawl of gnats. She can\u2019t even see it, but just past the moon, there\u2019s a little streak, a little dot, that is a meteor getting closer and closer, accelerating at every moment, and getting ready for a crash.<\/p>\n
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