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Southern Charm<\/a><\/p>\n Carolina Dazed<\/p>\n \n Season 11<\/p>\n Episode 16\n <\/p>\n \n Editor\u2019s Rating<\/p>\n 3 stars<\/p>\n ***\n <\/p>\n \n Salley motivates the end of Charley and Craig\u2019s non-relationship and puts her final stamp on the season. This was a great season of Southern Charm. Really, the best we\u2019ve had in a while, and I think the reason is the women (feat. Rodrigo). Sure, Austen, Craig, Shep, and, to a lesser extent, Whitney are the core of the show, but this \u201ccyclical argument\u201d that Austen and Craig have been having since his advent on the show is wearing a little thin. Thank the Catholic Jesus that we had the gals. Each brought something unique: Molly her endearing weirdness, Charley her outrageous facial expressions, Venita her class and conflict aversion, and Madison her pregnancy story line, which ended so sweetly with her son Hudson holding her new baby, Teddi, and calling her \u201cBooger.\u201d No, I\u2019m not crying. You\u2019re crying.<\/p>\n But let\u2019s be for real, for real: This season belonged to Salley and her extra E. Yes, she\u2019s annoying. Yes, she\u2019s a hypocrite. Yes, she makes me angrier than when you go out of your way to go to the good bakery, order banana bread, and then they give you the end slice. No one wants the heel! Cut that off and throw it in the trash with Emmy from Southern Hospitality. Don\u2019t make me buy another piece so that I can get all that non-crusty inner goodness. Wait, what was I talking about? Salley. Yeah, she drives us all nuts, but she was the star of the episode and the star of the season. I\u2019m glad we all love to hate her because I think we\u2019re absolutely stuck with her, but stuck with her like you\u2019re stuck with an annoying co-worker who you don\u2019t want to be around, but you know is good at her job. Salley is good at her job. Fine. She can stay.<\/p>\n The episode starts wrapping up the Mexican healing journey that Shep is upset didn\u2019t include even a mild hallucinogen. He orchestrates a little d\u00e9tente between Craig and Austen, where they decide to be nice to each other for a minute. Craig says in a confessional: \u201cI love Austen, and I think he loves me, but we need to be strangers again. Our old friendship needs to be put to bed, and we need to start over and those predisposed notions \u2014\u00a0out the door.\u201d But I don\u2019t think life works that way. I get Craig\u2019s point that they need to find a new way to be friends, and he\u2019s right that relationships need to change and evolve. But that doesn\u2019t mean that you need to forget the past; that doesn\u2019t mean you need to recalibrate how you act toward each other. What they need to change is what they expect from each other. He\u2019s right about the preconceived notions, but being strangers, well, that will never happen, and it\u2019s for the best. What will make them great friends is the past; they just need to find a way to reconcile that with their changed present.<\/p>\n After a gentle exchange, Craig says, \u201cGenuinely, this is how I treat people.\u201d Oh really? Do we need to cobble together a montage from the past decade to prove to Craig that that is not how he always treats people, especially over the last couple of years? He says he had a blast the day before, while Salley, whose mascara is still running from all the crying she did the night before when Craig lost his mind on her, is sitting right next to him. She tells him that she was so sad the night before. Good for you, Salley. Stick up for yourself. Be the only person who will hold Craig accountable.<\/p>\n But she folds faster than a pizza box in the rain. Craig apologizes for calling her a loser and says he doesn\u2019t think that at all. He ruffles his great head of hair, she smiles that LED lightbulb grin, he pats her on her knee, and she\u2019s ready to forgive him and even offers that they both need to work on themselves. In confessional she says he has this way of turning on the charm and begging forgiveness, which is easily given, partially because his victims don\u2019t want to go through the trauma of him yelling again. This is just what Andy was getting at on the last reunion when he asked who was scared of Craig, and they all raised their hands.<\/p>\n Back in the U.S., everyone goes to Miss Patricia\u2019s Carolina Day party, which she thoroughly admits is just a reason for everyone to get drunk during the week. Craig calls Charley and asks her to go as his date, and she says she\u2019s taking her friend Tyler. When Charley shows up at the party with Tyler, a mustache gay of the highest order (game recognizes game), he immediately runs into Rodrigo\u2019s fianc\u00e9, Tyler. Sorry, boys, but there is only enough room for one gay Tyler on Bravo, on this show, and, honestly, in all of the universe. When one Supreme Gay Tyler rises, the old Supreme Gay Tyler must die.<\/p>\n Craig instead takes his old friend Kory Keefer. Okay \u2026 we need to talk about Kory\u2019s outfit. When they\u2019re in the car on the way to the event, it looks like Kory is wearing a white jacket with no shirt underneath and something resembling Christmas lights whose batteries have died as a necklace, while also sporting these tiny red sunglasses that make him look like the cat on the cover of a Blues Traveler album<\/a>. When they get out of the car and into the party, we realize it is so much worse. The jacket is a white, satin double-breasted jacket, and it is tucked into a pair of extra-wide white pants that are also pinstriped. There is a wallet chain. Whitney Sudler-Smith, wit of the ages, says he looks both like Vanilla Ice and \u201c2 Legit 2 Quit<\/a>.\u201d He is correct, and I would also add \u201cSmooth Criminal\u201d if he were a bride. I applaud gentlemen taking a sartorial swing, especially on this show, where the guys are either woefully underdressed or wearing the same boring khaki outfits that require no style or imagination. Still, this is too much style and far, far too much imagination. I mean, did he imagine himself as a refugee from the luxury space yacht in The Fifth Element?<\/p>\n Charley is conspicuously avoiding Craig at the party. Craig tells Salley that he and Charley were closer than she thought. They were FaceTiming when they were bored. They were FaceTiming at night. They were talking on the phone like they\u2019re in eighth grade, just spending hours yammering about nothing, and then Charley\u2019s dad would pick up the other phone and say, \u201cCharley, finish your homework and stop talking to boys.\u201d This spins Salley out all over again. Sister, this relationship is over. Charley is done with him. You won. Take the W and also a seat. (Also, you look amazing in your low-cut dress with the floral appliqu\u00e9s. No notes.)<\/p>\n Craig finally finds Charley. They go out on the porch for a chat, where Charley dumps Craig as politely as possible, telling him that a switch flipped in Mexico and she can only see them as friends now. Craig says that they\u2019ll never be \u201cjust friends.\u201d She hits him with, \u201cWe can try.\u201d<\/p>\n It\u2019s wild that the hardest conversation is with Salley. Charley is inside in front of the group, and Salley says she\u2019s upset she didn\u2019t know everything about Charley and Craig. Charley says she wanted to learn what was up with Craig from him and didn\u2019t want everyone\u2019s influence. Then Leva answers, \u201cFair unless your best friend liked him before. Then you can\u2019t have the friendship anymore.\u201d Oh, shut up, Leva. You haven\u2019t been here all season. You don\u2019t know what is going on. We all know that Salley is wrong for this, especially after how she treated Venita when Venita said not to date Craig.<\/p>\n When Charley takes Salley out on the porch to apologize, we find out that, over text, Salley told Charley she still had feelings for Craig and that Charley went out with him anyway. Okay. I can see how Salley is upset, but let\u2019s look at the other evidence. Craig was never into Salley, so it\u2019s not like that was a real thing. Salley immediately launched herself onto Austen and seems more interested in pursuing that than actually having Craig back. She\u2019s mad that Charley wasn\u2019t a good friend to her. Sure. But can\u2019t Venita be mad about the same thing? I\u2019m sorry, but I have little sympathy for Salley here. But Charley just buys it all, apologizes, and then has to hug and comfort her friend when she is just the one who had to dump a guy on television (and the next day on Peacock).<\/p>\n Inside, Craig and Austen sit down for a chat. Craig says that he constantly has to deal with people meddling in his business, and, as if to prove his point, there are two ladies in the window right behind him trying to get a better look at whatever scene is currently being filmed. Craig basically blames this breakup on Salley meddling in their business. Austen isn\u2019t having it and says, \u201cCraig, you say mean and nasty things to everyone who rubs you the wrong way \u2014 like shit that you can\u2019t take back.\u201d This is when we get into the cyclical argument. Craig says he\u2019s working on himself, Austen says that he won\u2019t take any accountability, Craig says he\u2019s a work in progress, and Austen says that he needs to admit that he has an anger problem if he wants to move on.<\/p>\n I\u2019m fully on Austen\u2019s side of this argument. Craig keeps saying he wants to change and get better, but he\u2019s not making any sort of improvement. He said he was an addict, but now he\u2019s still drinking. He says he\u2019s working on his emotions, but he\u2019s still blowing up at the cast all the time. It looks like at the reunion, he\u2019s going to be upset that everyone is piling on him. In the immortal words of Heather Dubrow, \u201cWhen everyone says you\u2019re dead, it\u2019s time to lie down.\u201d Maybe if Craig listened to them, actually did something about it, and changed the way that he treated his cast (or maybe just cut down on his drinking in group settings, which would probably quell the anger a bit), then everyone wouldn\u2019t pile on him all the time.<\/p>\n Craig gets upset and leaves. Austen is not far behind him, but Salley is hot on his tail, yelling at him to come back into the party. It\u2019s their rom-com moment. Salley is up on the stairs in the venue, and Austen is on the other side of the fence, yelling back at her. They could be Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks if their brains weren\u2019t rotted by TikTok. She says she\u2019s sorry for caring about him and liking him. He says that he thinks she\u2019s wonderful, but not in the headspace to be in a relationship. She says she knows it\u2019s reciprocated. He says he can\u2019t answer. She says she knows that he wants it. He asks if he\u2019s going to meet up with Whitney and Shep (and his shockingly age-appropriate date, who is also Venita\u2019s tennis coach?), is she coming or not? Oh, she\u2019s coming. Salley is definitely coming. She\u2019s been waiting all season, edging and edging, and now it\u2019s time to climax as she skips down those steps, waltzes into the car with Austen, dances through a night at the bar, thrusts through a night at his house, and schleps back home in the morning.<\/p>\n There she finds her three chickens, Cantaloupe, Popcorn, and Hubba Bubba Max Cherry Lemonade. They\u2019re still there in the pen in her back yard, pecking at each other and stepping in their own mess. These are the products of a dream long dead, a mechanism to trap a man into her life, one who didn\u2019t want her, one she almost ruined two friendships over. Now, here they are, held hostage \u2014 no, that\u2019s not right. Holding her hostage with their needs and gripes and stench all in her backyard, a reminder that sometimes the path you need is the one you don\u2019t want to take. She goes to their little enclosure and opens the door, waiting for them to swoop and swallow out, careen in a fog of feathers as they reach out into the morning sky for freedom, freedom, freedom. But they don\u2019t. They just stay there, pecking at each other and stepping in their own mess, wondering why this giant lady next to the door is crying.<\/p>\n Sign up for the Housewives Institute Bulletin<\/p>\n Dame Brian Moylan breaks down all the gossip and drama, on- and off-screen, for dedicated students of the Reality Television Arts and Sciences.<\/p>\n Vox Media, LLC Terms and Privacy Notice<\/p>\n
\n Photo: Bravo\n <\/p>\n