{"id":343067,"date":"2026-03-17T02:52:08","date_gmt":"2026-03-17T02:52:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/343067\/"},"modified":"2026-03-17T02:52:08","modified_gmt":"2026-03-17T02:52:08","slug":"imagining-the-tpusa-alternate-oscars","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/343067\/","title":{"rendered":"Imagining the TPUSA Alternate Oscars"},"content":{"rendered":"

\n\tThe authors are staff writers at\u00a0The\u00a0Harvard\u00a0Lampoon, the school\u2019s 150-year-old humor magazine.<\/p>\n

\n\tFollowing the success of their alternative Super Bowl halftime show, Turning Point USA aired its own version of the Oscars<\/a> during the traditional ceremony.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n\tWhile the Oscars are traditionally hosted by comedians like Conan O\u2019Brien and Jimmy Kimmel, the TPUSA Oscars were hosted by Federal Communications Commission chairman Brendan Carr<\/a> at the beautiful Trump<\/a>-Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. Carr kicked off the evening with a lighthearted monologue written by a sophisticated combination of Grok and Carr\u2019s eight-year-old nephew, to whom TPUSA has granted unlimited access to colored pencils.<\/p>\n

\n\tViewers noticed that some of the traditional awards were missing from the broadcast, replaced by new categories hand-selected by President Trump, such as Hottest Makeup and Hairstyling and A-Plus-Plus Best Ever in the History of the World Most Beautiful Cinematography. The Best Actress category was axed and replaced with a second Best Supporting Actress honor, awarded to \u201cany pregnant wife with a nice roast in the oven.\u201d And despite being a television show, South Park won the new Most Begrudgingly Amusing Animated Comedy award.<\/p>\n

\n\tStill, many of the classic categories remained, albeit with a different slate of nominees. Best Director went to FBI Director Kash Patel<\/a>, who was carried to the stage by a phalanx of UFC fighters. Just like at the Hollywood Oscars, Sinners was up for a handful of awards, though the Sinners in contention at the TPUSA ceremony was not the Michael B. Jordan vampire movie but a documentary about Chuck Schumer and Hakeem Jeffries. The new prize for Achievement in Casting went to all movies starring Sydney Sweeney. And despite appearing in zero movies, \u201cWe Are Charlie Kirk<\/a>\u201d clinched Best Original Song.<\/p>\n

\n\tThough the question of whether to honor a Best International Feature Film was debated internally by TPUSA, the organization ultimately opted to keep the category. The award was, however, presented by ICE agents.<\/p>\n

\t\tEditor\u2019s picks<\/p>\n

\n\tWhen Carr asked Trump who he thought should win Best Original Screenplay, the president confessed that he\u2019d \u201cactually been working on a little something.\u201d He continued coyly, tucking his hair behind his ear, \u201cIt\u2019s stupid, it\u2019s probably really bad.\u201d Trump then presented the letter he wrote to Epstein for his 50th birthday, a fictional dialogue<\/a> between him and the disgraced financier. After an on-the-spot do-over vote, the president took home the prize.<\/p>\n

\n\tThere was also an upset in the Best Documentary category. For weeks, Amazon\u2019s vanity project Melania had seemed like a shoo-in, but it lost to a forthcoming Donald documentary.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n\tThe closest race of the night may have been the award for Best Film Editing. The White House press office had multiple hats in the ring, including videos of deranged domestic terrorists obstructing ICE raids, bald eagles flying fighter jets in the Middle East, and Pam Bondi absolutely owning Democratic congressmen during her deposition. Regardless of the winner, Trump had already declared that he would not be taking his hat off during the celebration.<\/p>\n

\n\tWhile the mainstream Oscars gave out its lifetime achievement award \u2014 recently renamed the Academy Honorary Award \u2014 in a pre-show, untelevised ceremony, TPUSA\u2019s event prominently\u00a0featured a Lifetime Achievement Award presented by President Trump to President Trump. When asked about his contributions to the industry, he commented: \u201cI\u2019ve had so many achievements in film \u2014 that scene in Home Alone 2 where I help that poor little street boy find his way back to Brooklyn, for example. Not to mention The Apprentice. You know, if you put all those episodes together, it\u2019s actually longer than a movie.\u201d<\/p>\n

\t\tRelated Content<\/p>\n

\n\tThe evening was interspersed with performances from \u201cthe greatest musical artists of our generation.\u201d Kid Rock attempted to sing the English translation of every song from Bad Bunny\u2019s DeB\u00cd TiRAR M\u00e1S FOToS, and Nicki Minaj performed a censored, Christian-approved rendition of \u201cAnaconda\u201d with a grand total of 14 words.<\/p>\n

\n\tThe ceremony also featured a powerful in memoriam honoring Charlie Kirk and no one else. The presentation included a 45-page slideshow of Kirk\u2019s likeness edited onto different heroes from American history, including General Robert E. Lee, Dennis Prager, and, of course, Martin Luther King, Jr.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n\tTo sprinkle in excitement, several \u201cunplanned\u201d moments had been planned for the evening, resembling the wildest episodes from Oscars history. As an homage to the Moonlight\u2013La La Land mix-up, Kristi Noem was granted the new Best Homeland Security Secretary award, only for it to be revealed during her speech that the prize belonged to Markwayne Mullin. And to mimic the 2022 Will Smith\u2013Chris Rock slap, Trump was allowed to hit J.D. Vance in the face as many times as he liked.<\/p>\n

\n\tInstead of the traditional play-off music, the TPUSA sound team played soundbites from Hillary Clinton\u2019s 2016 presidential debate, encouraging winners to keep on talking over her for as long as they damn well pleased. The event ran 15 hours, plus commercials.<\/p>\n

\t\tTrending Stories<\/p>\n

\n\tAnd the award for Best Picture? No one is surprised that this image of Trump following last year\u2019s assassination attempt took the cake:<\/p>\n

\t\t\t\t\t\t\"\"<\/p>\n

\n\tIt beat out a crudely photoshopped depiction of a demonic Hillary eating a baby, and a cute dog meme.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"The authors are staff writers at\u00a0The\u00a0Harvard\u00a0Lampoon, the school\u2019s 150-year-old humor magazine. Following the success of their alternative Super…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":343068,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[26879,458,146,85,46,146066,3220,627],"class_list":["post-343067","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-celebrities","tag-brendan-carr","tag-celebrities","tag-entertainment","tag-il","tag-israel","tag-kash-patel","tag-oscars","tag-trump"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/343067","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=343067"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/343067\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/343068"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=343067"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=343067"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=343067"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}