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\n\t\tOne of the worst aspects of my episodes was the shame that accompanied those days of lying in bed and achieving nothing (Picture: Dorothy Herson)<\/p>\n
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\n\t\tOne of the worst aspects of my episodes was the shame that accompanied those days of lying in bed and achieving nothing (Picture: Dorothy Herson)<\/p>\n
I was halfway through reading a copy of Elvia Wilks\u2019s Oval, a novel about a fictional feminist<\/a> dystopia, when a crushingly familiar wave of depression<\/a> descended upon me.\u00a0<\/p>\n Trying to decipher the words printed on the page became impossible.<\/p>\n Knowing that these periods wiped me out for weeks, and unwilling to wait that long to find out the main character\u2019s fate, I resorted to the unthinkable: the audio version.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n As I listened, it hit me that these audiobooks<\/a> could be the very thing that could help me navigate my bipolar disorder<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n Bipolar expresses itself differently in everyone who suffers from the illness. For me, since being diagnosed, I\u2019ve experienced debilitating periods of depression.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n They are marked by suicidal waves<\/a> and an inability to move, speak or eat; my plummeting energy levels will not permit the most basic of tasks.<\/p>\n At my lowest I will stop drinking water, because I know I lack the strength to make it to the toilet.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n During these episodes I don\u2019t feel anything. <\/p>\n \t\t My only cognitive experience is an urging voice in my head, which I have come to recognise as my own, persuading me that there is no reason to go on, and that I should end my life.\u00a0<\/p>\n In the past, when these episodes occurred, I would knock myself out with sleeping pills<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n I spent huge chunks of my year this way. Unconscious. Waiting for the pain to pass.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n Then, when the episodes lifted, I started responding to the multitude of messages, emails and calls I\u2019d missed. I always had an excuse, never wanting to be honest about my disorder and embarrassed about my inability to \u2018get on with life.\u2019<\/p>\n One of the worst aspects of my episodes was the shame that accompanied those days of lying in bed and achieving nothing, feeling I had to compensate by achieving double during the weeks I was not incapacitated.\u00a0<\/p>\n \t\t\t\tWorld Bipolar Day – March 30th 2026\t\t\t<\/p>\n World Bipolar Day aims to bring world awareness to bipolar disorders and to eliminate social stigma and discrimination.<\/p>\n Every year, Bipolar UK celebrates World Bipolar Day by running events and activities online and\u00a0across the country to raise awareness, share stories, and raise vital funds to support those affected.<\/p>\n For more information please visit: https:\/\/www.bipolaruk.org\/get-involved\/world-bipolar-day<\/a><\/p>\n This caused undue stress, which permeated the rest of my life.\u00a0<\/p>\n I still experience these episodes. I always will.\u00a0But a few years ago, everything changed.<\/p>\n I stumbled across a companion, a constant, a life raft, to support me through the dark days.\u00a0<\/p>\n As clich\u00e9 as it may sound: audiobooks have improved things dramatically.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n When a friend suggested I might like the app Audible<\/a>, I scoffed, declaring that \u2018listening to audiobooks doesn\u2019t count as reading!\u2019\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n But then that episode happened, when I was reading Oval.\u00a0<\/p>\n \t\t As soon as I began listening rather than trying to focus on the written page, I felt a calmness; unprecedented feelings of reassurance. Comfort.\u00a0<\/p>\n My mind slowed and ceased racing through terrifying, suicidal thoughts<\/a>. There was a stillness. A sense of peace.\u00a0<\/p>\n In my episodes I can\u2019t really bring myself to move. Listening to audiobooks, I do not have to.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n When the suicidal voice in my mind is terrifyingly strong, I\u2019ve found the calming stream of a narrator\u2019s words can distract me.<\/p>\n When I\u2019m at rock bottom, I feel no-one has suffered pain like me.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n \t\t\t\t\tDo you use audiobooks as a way to cope with stress or difficult times?<\/p>\n Yes, I often listen to audiobooks for comfort.Check<\/p>\n No, but it sounds like a good idea.Check<\/p>\n I prefer reading physical books instead.Check<\/p>\n \t\t\t\t\tSign up to Metro’s The Slice newsletter for your guide to what’s on in London, with trusted reviews, offers and giveaways.<\/p>\n Yet, in the background, through my speaker, characters fight through discrimination, war, illness, heartbreak and death.\u00a0<\/p>\n Flickers of perspective make their way through the sludge of my mind. Reminders of love. Hope. Humanity.\u00a0<\/p>\n Audiobooks make me feel that I am not really alone.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n When I was first diagnosed, I spent weeks in a psychiatric hospital.<\/a>\u00a0<\/p>\n I tried everything \u2013 drugs, CBT, wellbeing retreats.<\/p>\n Some of this certainly helped, but nothing cured me, and audiobooks have had more of an impact than anything else.\u00a0<\/p>\n It\u2019s clear that words are my way to help manage these instances of depression; I am fascinated by the transformative power of language.<\/p>\n Studying English at university, and working as a freelance journalist, I have always been obsessed with reading and writing.\u00a0<\/p>\n I used to think that the written word was the only way to take in information, and assumed it would be beyond me during a crisis.<\/p>\n But now, instead of knocking myself out, I\u2019m learning. With audiobooks playing, I am capable of staying conscious.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n I have an Audible subscription, which includes three Audiobooks a month.\u00a0<\/p>\n With my smartphone connected via Bluetooth to a speaker in my room, I will play them, often back-to-back, until major depressive episodes pass.<\/p>\n I began to wonder if audiobooks evoked soothing memories of being read to as a child.<\/p>\n My dad read to me prolifically.\u00a0<\/p>\n He got through the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy<\/a> by the time I was 10, and those positive memories are one of the reasons I believe audiobooks have been such an effective coping method for my depression.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n \t\t During my most recent episode, I listened to Kay Redfield Jamison\u2019s book An Unquiet Mind, a remarkable memoir that explores Jamison\u2019s experience of living with bipolar disorder.\u00a0<\/p>\n To date, I haven\u2019t met anyone else who consciously uses audiobooks to self-medicate mental illness.\u00a0<\/p>\n In 2023 I ran a series of free bipolar workshops and intend to discuss my personal experience of the benefits of audiobooks, and the positive impact they\u2019ve had on me.\u00a0<\/p>\n People are gravitating towards audio versions of content; be that podcasts, novels, memoirs, nonfiction or lectures.\u00a0<\/p>\n In an era of endless scrolling and relentless computer screens, we are opting for alternative methods of acquiring information.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n I hope that others can discover respite from mental or physical pain through this medium.\u00a0<\/p>\n In a world of overstimulation, hyper-productivity, sensory bombardment and disturbed attention spans, I have found relief in the simple comfort of being transported by another person\u2019s voice.\u00a0<\/p>\n And that\u2019s given me respite I never thought possible.<\/p>\n Do you have a story you\u2019d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jessica.aureli@metro.co.uk<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n Share your views in the comments below.<\/p>\n Arrow Arrow Arrow![\"Young](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/GettyImages-1286540692.jpg\")
\n\t\tAt my lowest I will stop drinking water, because I know I lack the strength to make it to the toilet (Picture: Getty Images)<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/2023-01-07_22_48_52.763-24c5.jpeg\")
\n\t\tAt my lowest I will stop drinking water, because I know I lack the strength to make it to the toilet(Picture: Dorothy Herson)<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/2023-01-22-10_30_12.164-0d05-e1675363772102.jpeg\")
\n\t\tDuring episodes I can hardly bring myself to move (Picture: Dorothy Herson)<\/p>\n
\nMORE: I\u2019m a trans non-binary Pakistani Muslim woman \u2013 all my identities co-exist<\/a><\/p>\n
\nMORE: I want to see more hairy, brown, gender non-conforming bodies like mine<\/a><\/p>\n
\nMORE: \u2018I had never met my 7-year-old sister \u2013 then I discovered she\u2019d been murdered\u2019<\/a><\/p>\n