![\"Dimitra](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/FB_IMG_1762455897399-8f74.jpg\")
\n\t\tI couldn\u2019t open up to people and show the \u2018real me\u2019 for fear that I\u2019d be too vulnerable (Picture: Dimitra Staikou)<\/p>\n
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\n\t\tI couldn\u2019t open up to people and show the \u2018real me\u2019 for fear that I\u2019d be too vulnerable (Picture: Dimitra Staikou)<\/p>\n
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).<\/p>\n
When I first heard those words of diagnosis. I didn\u2019t believe them.\u00a0<\/p>\n
It is a defined mental health<\/a> condition, characterised by a need for admiration, lack of empathy and a grandiose sense of self-importance. Until my diagnosis in 2024, aged 33, everything I\u2019d read about narcissists<\/a> was negative: they trampled over others to get ahead, they were manipulative or duplicitous. I didn\u2019t think I could be one.\u00a0<\/p>\n But a year on, I feel a sense of relief.\u00a0<\/p>\n As the only child of a wealthy family, born after many years of trying, I brought immediate joy to my parents. My father devoted himself to me, saying things like: \u2018Dimitra, you are my whole world.\u2019 I had everything I wanted \u2013 toys<\/a>, gifts and trips \u2013 but above all, my parents\u2019 undivided attention and love.\u00a0<\/p>\n At high school, I was popular with lots of friends, but I can\u2019t say I really bonded with anyone.\u00a0<\/p>\n Looking back, this feels consistent with NPD<\/a>: I couldn\u2019t open up to people and show the \u2018real me\u2019 for fear that I\u2019d be too vulnerable and lose control.<\/p>\n As I started exploring my sexuality, I\u2019d change sexual partners without caring about their feelings.<\/p>\n As an adult, I continuously sought the admiration of others in the same way I\u2019d always done with my parents. Instead of becoming a lawyer as I once thought I would, I studied theatre and became a director and writer so that my work could be admired. I loved the recognition.<\/p>\n \t\t Yet throughout it all, inside, I was fragile. I\u2019d had a sense since childhood that my personal value was reliant on success.\u00a0<\/p>\n That feeling had begun to take hold worse after my mother passed away when I was 19 \u2013 but the catalyst to seeing a psychiatrist was a series of crises. By my late twenties, I was unemployed, I had also lost my father due to Covid-19<\/a> complications, and I was going through a divorce<\/a>, which left me struggling to raise twin boys.<\/p>\n I would fall into extreme sadness when things didn\u2019t turn out the way I wanted. If one of my plays received even a single bad review, I\u2019d cry alone for days at home. I found myself getting impatient when I didn\u2019t get what I wanted and would stop seeing someone I was dating or any friend who gave me the slightest criticism.<\/p>\n Eventually, my cousin\u2019s wife, a psychiatrist, suggested I seek professional help. I agreed, knowing something needed to change.<\/p>\n In my first session with my own psychiatrist, we simply talked. He listened as I finally expressed all my anger and sadness about how life was treating me. I told him how much my father meant to me, how vacant I felt without his support, and how upset I was about my divorce.\u00a0<\/p>\n \t\t During\u202fthe\u202fsecond session,\u202f\u202fhe asked me to fill out a long questionnaire. It asked whether I was an introvert or an extrovert \u2013 I am the latter \u2013 and how I felt about my self-image, to which I answered that I was very secure and open socially, yet hid my inner insecurities extremely well.\u00a0<\/p>\n It wasn\u2019t until our third session that my psychiatrist told me that I had NPD.<\/p>\n With so many friends in my life and children who I adored, I didn\u2019t think I met the criteria of a narcissist<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n Sensing my disbelief, my psychiatrist reassured me that all people have some narcissistic traits but people like me have them to such an extent that they can seriously affect their interpersonal relationships.\u00a0<\/p>\n While narcissists can have a really big social circle, on the inside, they are extremely lonely, keeping all the important parts of their inner lives to themselves.<\/p>\n He told me that when narcissism is controlled, it gives people confidence to take risks and explore life. But when it\u2019s out of hand, being unable to bond with others can lead to extreme loneliness.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n \t\t My own narcissism made me extremely contradictory. I may have seemed confident, but I was deeply insecure and was never honest because I didn\u2019t want others to see my weaknesses. It likely stemmed from my childhood: signs of NPD can start from an early age and may arise in people who were the centre of their parents\u2019 world as children.<\/p>\n For treatment, I was prescribed 10mg of a drug called Brintellix to stabilise my mood swings, and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy<\/a> (CBT) once a week, to try and help me develop more emotional intelligence towards others.\u00a0<\/p>\n Then came the hard part of telling friends and family.<\/p>\n My cousin and his psychiatrist wife weren\u2019t surprised \u2013 in fact, she had suspected it because of my behaviour over the years.\u00a0<\/p>\n When I told two of my closest friends, they embraced me without making me feel ashamed, or like a social pariah. <\/p>\n They accepted me, and their reaction meant the world. It was the first time I\u2019d had a genuinely strong, emotionally connected moment with my friends, and it wouldn\u2019t have been possible without therapy.<\/p>\n One year on from my diagnosis, I\u2019ve processed the initial shock and now feel relieved. For the first time in my life, I finally know who I am at my core.<\/p>\n I\u2019m still seeing my psychiatrist, who gives me hypothetical situations happening to others and asks me to imagine how I would feel in the same scenario. He also encourages me to open up to people more.\u00a0<\/p>\n I\u2019m slowly starting to see a positive change. Once, a friend asked me to wake up in the middle of the night to buy medicine for her, which I did. I wanted to help her as I now understand more about how friends do things for each other.<\/p>\n In the past, I probably wouldn\u2019t have bothered.<\/p>\n There are still times that I feel lonelier than ever and feel like withdrawing from people. But when this happens, I remember my psychiatrist\u2019s words: \u2018This disorder is a part of you. Beyond loneliness, it gives you ambition and success, and before you rush to blame it, think about what would remain of you if you removed it.\u2019<\/p>\n It is who I am and I\u2019m learning to live with it.<\/p>\n Do you have a story you\u2019d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk<\/a>.<\/a>\u00a0<\/p>\n Share your views in the comments below.<\/p>\n Arrow Arrow Arrow![\"Dimitra](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/FB_IMG_1762455857055-00bd-e1762512983268.jpg\")
\n\t\tI would fall into extreme sadness when things didn\u2019t turn out the way I wanted (Picture: Dimitra Staikou)<\/p>\n![\"Dimitra](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/FB_IMG_1762455888384-67ce.jpg\")
\n\t\tWhile narcissists can have a really big social circle, on the inside, they are extremely lonely (Picture: Dimitra Staikou)<\/p>\n![\"Dimitra](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/FB_IMG_1762455819416-13be-e1762792718436.jpg\")
\n\t\tI\u2019m slowly starting to see a positive change (Picture: Dimitra Staikou)<\/p>\n
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