Most weeks when I meet with my therapist, she triages some aspect of my life that is actively bursting at the seams \u2014 my inability to rationally talk about politics, for example, or the state of my personal finances. But, every so often, life feels uneventful, and I head into sessions with nothing to talk about. On a number of occasions, I\u2019ve considered cancelling these appointments. Why waste 45 minutes of my time and spend $30 on a copay when I feel fine and have nothing to say?<\/p>\n
But according to the two therapists I spoke with for this story, these seemingly boring sessions can be incredibly insightful and impactful. In fact, shooting the shit with your therapist can strengthen your bond, help them see how you function during periods of calm, and uncover unaddressed problems. As Claudia Giolitti-Wright, the founder and clinical director of Psychotherapy for Young Women<\/a> in New York City, tells Vox, \u201cSessions where a client says, \u2018I have nothing to talk about\u2019 \u2014 they\u2019re rarely empty. They often reveal something.\u201d So much, in fact, that I left these two interviews convinced that the easy breezy appointments are just as important as the turbulent ones. Here\u2019s why.<\/p>\n Therapists see this all the time \u2014 and they know how to deal<\/p>\n If you, like me, often start your sessions by apologizing for \u201chave nothing going on,\u201d consider this permission not to worry or feel awkward. Matt Sosnowsky, a psychotherapist and the founder of Philadelphia Talk Therapy<\/a>, says he hears this from patients all the time, and it\u2019s no big deal. Therapists are specifically trained to deal with this kind of lull.<\/p>\n \u201cOftentimes, I\u2019ll just prompt them for an update on what\u2019s been going on,\u201d he says. With clients who are there to work on a specific issue, he\u2019ll follow up on the topics they\u2019ve been working through. With other patients, he\u2019ll keep things more open-ended, asking about work, their overall mood, or their relationships to get the conversation flowing. This is to say: Don\u2019t sweat it if you aren\u2019t prepared. You don\u2019t need to show up ready to perform or impress, says Giolitti-Wright. Your therapist knows what to do and say.<\/p>\n Appointments where you have \u201cnothing to talk about\u201d create space for overlooked issues to surface<\/p>\n Even if you consider yourself highly self-aware and feel clear on the reasons you\u2019re in therapy, there are almost always deeper, buried issues that you\u2019ve overlooked, downplayed, or completely avoided. As you start talking, even if it feels like you\u2019re saying nothing of value, these underlying issues often rise to the surface. Sometimes these issues naturally bubble up \u2014 as Giolitti-Wright says, people will start rambling about, say, how they bought a Christmas tree but then \u201cend up talking about the deepest shit.\u201d<\/p>\n Even when that doesn\u2019t happen, your therapist is trained to pick up on subtle cues \u2014 such as shifts in body language, tone, and attitude \u2014 that signal you\u2019re struggling with something. Sosnowsky calls these cues \u201cports of entry.\u201d \u201cThose are often inroads to learn about what you\u2019re carrying that you may not even notice,\u201d he says, and your therapist will likely use that to dig deeper.<\/p>\n For example, if you let out a big exhale while talking about work, Sosnowsky might say, \u201cI noticed that deep sigh, what\u2019s that about?\u201d or ask more targeted questions about your job. Then, you\u2019re off to the races. This creates an opportunity for you to examine something you may not have fully considered yet or have been avoiding altogether, says Sosnowsky.<\/p>\n After all, these simmering problems tend to influence your mood and choices on a regular basis more so than the obvious catastrophes, adds Giolitti-Wright. Tending to them early and proactively can help you and your therapist identify solutions for long-term relief and prevent them from snowballing into larger, more difficult issues.<\/p>\n It\u2019s good for your therapist to get a glimpse of your full personality <\/p>\n Many people, myself included, tend to see therapy as a thing to do when you\u2019re dealing with something specific or when there\u2019s an emergency. But that\u2019s a huge misconception, according to Giolitti-Wright. The purpose of therapy<\/a> is to enhance your daily functioning, improve your quality of life, and ease symptoms like irritability or hopelessness. To do this effectively, your therapist needs to see how you function as a whole person. As Giolitti-Wright puts it, \u201cHow you are when nothing is wrong or in crisis is as important as how you are in crisis.\u201d<\/p>\n If your therapist only ever sees you during moments of extreme stress, it can actually be harder for them to provide guidance that effectively addresses and resolves your problems long-term, she adds. By learning about how you move through your day when things are good \u2014 and getting a sense of your strengths, your sense of humor, etc. \u2014 your therapist can provide personalized advice and spot patterns that may be contributing to recurring challenges.<\/p>\n Recognizing these patterns can reveal deeper, more systemic issues affecting your life, says Sosnowsky. What initially appears to be minor frustration with your new boss, for example, may actually stem from a more general resistance to change. These revelations \u201coften come just from getting to know what somebody\u2019s life is when they\u2019re not completely zeroed in on explaining to you their interpretation of a specific issue,\u201d Sosnowsky says.<\/p>\n Your therapist can often see a rough patch coming before you do <\/p>\n One additional benefit of \u201ctalking about nothing\u201d is that it may help your therapist pick up on early signs of mental health conditions like major depressive disorder or generalized anxiety disorder. Even if you\u2019ve been doing well overall or your symptoms have been in remission, mounting stressors can gradually shift that balance, says Sosnowsky. Many people don\u2019t recognize when they\u2019re slipping into a depressive state, especially folks whose conditions typically ebb and flow, he says.<\/p>\n Regular appointments, including ones that seem unproductive, allow therapists to track subtle changes over time \u2014 like a shift from feeling stressed to hopeless \u2014 and notice when someone may be entering a more difficult period. That might lead your therapist to ask about your everyday habits \u2014 Are you exercising? Sleeping well? Eating enough? Doing things for pleasure? \u2014 and discuss ways to prevent your symptoms from escalating, says Sosnowsky. As he puts it, these check-ins help you \u201cget ahead of the depression because it\u2019s much harder to treat when you\u2019re in the throes of a full-blown depressive episode.\u201d They may also prompt your therapist to conduct an assessment to determine if you may have a mental health disorder that hasn\u2019t been diagnosed.<\/p>\n You\u2019ll strengthen your relationship with your therapist \u2014 which is important long-term<\/p>\n At the very least, your \u201cnothing to talk about\u201d sessions will strengthen the bond you have with your therapist. While that may not seem all that important, having a strong relationship is absolutely critical. Research suggests this relationship, dubbed the \u201ctherapeutic alliance,\u201d<\/a> is the most powerful determinant of how effective therapy will be for you. \u201cYou could argue this is the single most important aspect of therapy, and not only in terms of the quality of the experience, but the actual efficacy of outcomes,\u201d Sosnowsky says. The closer you feel to your therapist, the more trust, empathy, and collaboration there will be, which will ultimately help you open up<\/a> more and experience personal growth.<\/p>\n One final thing to keep in mind: You don\u2019t want every single appointment to be aimless. If you perpetually feel like you\u2019re spinning your wheels or that your mental health is stagnant, it may be time to look for a new therapist, says Sosnowsky. But, if, every now and then, you feel like you spent $30 to kick back and gossip about your coworkers with your therapist, rest assured that you\u2019re still making good use of your time. Heavy lifting doesn\u2019t always need to feel so heavy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Most weeks when I meet with my therapist, she triages some aspect of my life that is actively…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":385171,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[1368,163,85,46,2400,522,523],"class_list":{"0":"post-385170","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-mental-health","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-health","10":"tag-il","11":"tag-israel","12":"tag-life","13":"tag-mental-health","14":"tag-mentalhealth"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/385170","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=385170"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/385170\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/385171"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=385170"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=385170"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=385170"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}