{"id":454806,"date":"2026-05-22T16:12:12","date_gmt":"2026-05-22T16:12:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/454806\/"},"modified":"2026-05-22T16:12:12","modified_gmt":"2026-05-22T16:12:12","slug":"hayden-panettiere-finally-told-her-story-in-a-new-memoir-then-her-mother-her-ex-and-the-internet-weighed-in","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/454806\/","title":{"rendered":"Hayden Panettiere finally told her story in a new memoir. Then her mother, her ex and the internet weighed in."},"content":{"rendered":"

For years, Hayden Panettiere\u2019s story was told through tabloids, blind items, paparazzi photos and internet speculation \u2014 often before she had the chance to tell it herself. Now 36, the Nashville and Heroes alum is reclaiming the narrative in her new memoir, This Is Me: A Reckoning<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Released Tuesday, the book chronicles Panettiere\u2019s experiences with exploitation, addiction, postpartum depression and domestic abuse. But the conversation around the book began weeks earlier, as stories from it started landing on celebrity websites<\/a> and clips<\/a> from interviews \u2014 including a widely shared appearance on Jay Shetty\u2019s podcast \u2014 took over TikTok.<\/p>\n

The memoir didn\u2019t just reopen painful chapters. It brought old conflicts back to the surface.<\/p>\n

Her estranged mother, Lesley Vogel, issued a scathing rebuttal. Ex-boyfriend Brian Hickerson responded publicly. Internet speculation exploded around unnamed figures<\/a> in some of the book\u2019s more disturbing stories.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere will always be somebody who has a problem with something or an opinion about something,\u201d she tells Yahoo of the reactions.<\/p>\n

Still, she says the memoir is serving its purpose in helping her understand how early fame distorted her understanding of love, approval and self-worth.<\/p>\n

\u201cI started baby modeling at 8 months old,\u201d she says. \u201cI did my first commercial at 11 months old. It was just so militant. No questions asked. I was a little soldier.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"This<\/p>\n

This Is Me: A Reckoning by Panettiere \u2014 and the the audiobook that she voiced \u2014 is out now.<\/p>\n

(Grand Central Publishing)<\/p>\n

Vogel managed her career as she moved from soap operas like Guiding Light and One Life to Live to films like Remember the Titans and the Scream franchise. Panettiere wrote in her book that Vogel, a former soap actor herself, was intensely fixated<\/a> on her daughter\u2019s career.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhether or not my mom approved of my performance made or broke it,\u201d Panettiere says. \u201cI either got love and pride, or I got shame.\u201d<\/p>\n

Panettiere\u2019s stardom really exploded during the peak tabloid era, the 2000s, when young stars were simultaneously idolized and publicly ripped apart. She remembers being on the cover of a magazine, calling out her cellulite.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey were so talented at building you up one week, and the higher they built you up, the farther you had to fall the next week,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

Like many young female stars of the era, like Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, Panettiere says paparazzi attention often felt frightening rather than glamorous.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey waited outside my home,\u201d she says. \u201cThe first time I ever got paparazzi\u2019d, it was more like terror. It was like looking down the barrel of a gun. All these grown men. They would box you in and run red lights, and then it would turn into a mob scene. And they never put into the press what the paparazzi were saying to get a reaction.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then the people in the book responded<\/p>\n

Before the book was even out, Vogel responded<\/a> to her \u201centitled\u201d daughter\u2019s narrative and said that, \u201cafter 20 years of trauma,\u201d she had chosen \u201cthe no-contact route\u201d<\/a> on the advice of professionals.<\/p>\n

Panettiere says her mom\u2019s public statement was painful, even if not entirely surprising.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don’t feel like I was unfair in the book,\u201d she says. \u201cI could have been crueI. I really tried to be as honest as I could be without dragging anybody besides myself through the mud unnecessarily.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"Two<\/p>\n

Panettiere and mother, Lesley Vogel, are now estranged.<\/p>\n

(Mathew Imaging via Getty Images)<\/p>\n

She says one of the hardest parts of writing the memoir was being candid about her family.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs it going to upset them?\u201d Panettiere says she wondered. \u201cThen the reaction she had \u2014 talking to the press without talking to me \u2014 and [her] comments are nowhere near truthful. She hasn’t contacted me at all.\u201d<\/p>\n

What hurts most, she says, is realizing reconciliation may no longer be possible.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho doesn\u2019t want a relationship with their mom?\u201d she says. \u201cBut by talking to the press instead of to me, she very aggressively slammed that door in my face.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hickerson also responded publicly to the memoir in an interview with TMZ<\/a> \u2014 at one point saying he still hopes to marry her despite previously pleading no contest to injuring a spouse<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to give energy and power to what he did,\u201d Panettiere says. \u201cHe has to live with what he did.\u201d<\/p>\n

She adds, \u201cI think that one backfired.\u201d<\/p>\n

By talking to the press instead of to me, she very aggressively slammed that door in my face.<\/p>\n

Panettiere says watching people turn some of the memoir\u2019s most disturbing stories into internet detective work has been unsettling. That includes speculation over the identity of the nude 30-something British singer-songwriter<\/a> she says she was lured to by a female \u201cfriend\u201d<\/a> at 18. (Real Housewives of Beverly Hills alum Diana Jenkins has formally denied<\/a> being the friend.) Another unnamed figure is an older Oscar winner Panettiere alleges exposed himself<\/a> to her.<\/p>\n

\u201c[Having] friends sending articles of people denying what transpired, it\u2019s like: Just own it at this point,\u201d she says. \u201cWhat happened. What you did. Because it affected somebody in a very terrifying and traumatic way.\u201d<\/p>\n

She adds, \u201cIt was heartbreaking because it’s somebody that I really thought was my friend. Little did I know I was being groomed.\u201d<\/p>\n

To Panettiere, the incidents described in the memoir reflected a broader Hollywood culture that existed long before the #MeToo movement forced the entertainment industry into public accountability.<\/p>\n

\"A<\/p>\n

Panettiere started appearing in commercials as a baby. As her career progressed, she says it was all about making her stage mother proud.<\/p>\n

(Ron Galella via Getty Images)<\/p>\n

\u201cBefore Harvey [Weinstein]<\/a> was actually held responsible, it was everyone and their mother. It was the biggest stars you can think of. People had no boundaries and thought that just because they were famous, they could get away with murder.\u201d<\/p>\n

Panettiere says recording the audiobook<\/a> of her memoir forced her to relive many of its most painful moments in real time, \u201cespecially the ending about my brother,\u201d Jansen Panettiere, who died in 2023. \u201cI could barely get through.\u201d<\/p>\n

Motherhood, trauma and survival<\/p>\n

Much of the public conversation surrounding the memoir has also centered on Panettiere giving up custody of her young daughter, Kaya \u2014 a decision the public tends to flatten into simplistic ideas about what makes a \u201cgood\u201d or \u201cbad\u201d mother.<\/p>\n

At the time, she was struggling privately with postpartum depression while continuing to work publicly.<\/p>\n

\u201cOn Nashville, I was going through a lot of trauma in my life and having to act it out verbatim,\u201d she says. \u201cIt was deeply traumatic.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"A<\/p>\n

Much of what Panettiere was experiencing in real life was incorporated into the Nashville storyline, she says.<\/p>\n

(Mark Levine via Getty Images)<\/p>\n

Suffering anxiety attacks, she says she eventually became \u201ca bit agoraphobic\u201d and struggled to leave her bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou want to shut down and block everything out,\u201d she says, \u201cand that\u2019s where the alcohol came in.\u201d<\/p>\n

Panettiere recalls the pain of seeing a headline suggesting she had abandoned her daughter.<\/p>\n

\u201cI remember walking through the airport and there was a magazine cover with a close-up of my face and it said, \u2018Why Hayden Panettiere gave up her child.\u2019 It was like being stabbed in the heart repeatedly. Anybody who knows me knows that is nowhere near the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kaya, now 11, lives in Europe with dad, Wladimir Klitschko, but Panettiere feels blessed that \u201can amazing relationship has unfolded\u201d between them. \u201cI knew that my girl would come back to me one day,\u201d Panettiere says.<\/p>\n

Asked whether she would support her daughter if she wanted to become an actor too, Panettiere says yes, but cautiously.<\/p>\n

Kaya has only just realized her mother is famous, at one point referring to Panettiere as \u201cBritney,\u201d<\/a> her cheerleader character from Bring It On: All or Nothing. She\u2019s since pitched career ideas of her own.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe was like, \u2018Mommy, you have to call James Cameron and get on Avatar,\u2019\u201d Panettiere says with a laugh.<\/p>\n

The conversation happened while Klitschko was also on the line.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m watching his expression,\u201d Panettiere says. \u201cHe\u2019s basically begging me to talk her out of it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Still, she hopes her daughter holds onto anonymity for as long as possible.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf my daughter naturally gravitates toward acting, I\u2019ll support her,\u201d she says. \u201cBut once you give up your anonymity, there\u2019s no getting [it back].\u201d<\/p>\n

That said, she adds, \u201cI [would] be the most ferocious mother. Anyone damages my child on set, it’s gonna be a problem.\u201d<\/p>\n

She\u2019s entered her \u2018brave lioness\u2019 era<\/p>\n

For much of her life, Panettiere, who also came out<\/a> as bisexual in her book, says survival was the priority. Now, she says, she\u2019s focused on maintaining boundaries and surrounding herself with relationships that feel safe and stable.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m confident enough to protect myself now,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

Part of that has meant reevaluating who she allows into her life.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve been so lucky to have friends who have stuck with me,\u201d she says. \u201cWe\u2019ve been through it all \u2014 without an ounce of judgment. There were plenty of people who obviously wanted to be there for the wrong reasons.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"A<\/p>\n

Panettiere in New York City on May 19.<\/p>\n

(XNY\/STAR MAX\/IPx)<\/p>\n

Her closest friends, she says, have often challenged her to show herself the same loyalty and protection she instinctively gives others.<\/p>\n

\u201cTheir question to me has always been, \u2018Why aren\u2019t you as protective of yourself as you are of everyone else?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

For years, Panettiere says, she was \u201cmore afraid of being alone than I was being around toxic people.\u201d Now, she\u2019s embracing something different.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy friends remind me that I am naturally a brave lioness,\u201d she says, \u201cand I\u2019m going to make it through.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"For years, Hayden Panettiere\u2019s story was told through tabloids, blind items, paparazzi photos and internet speculation \u2014 often…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":454807,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[18170,163,85,46,212166,212167,522,523,212168],"class_list":["post-454806","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-mental-health","tag-hayden-panettiere","tag-health","tag-il","tag-israel","tag-jansen-panettiere","tag-lesley-vogel","tag-mental-health","tag-mentalhealth","tag-panettiere"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/454806","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=454806"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/454806\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/454807"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=454806"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=454806"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=454806"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}