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\n The fight that erupts between Liz and Jo-Ellen in the middle of Rich\u2019s Frank Sinatra tribute performance is the type of beautiful mayhem that makes Housewives great.
\n Photo: Bravo\n <\/p>\n
\u201cThat was the ride of hell,\u201d Alicia says about her car ride to Rich\u2019s show, after Liz spent it berating her over her claim of homelessness. And if that\u2019s coming from Alicia, for whom every drive is already a nightmare, you know it\u2019s especially bad. To make matters worse, they\u2019re the first to arrive, so they\u2019re forced to awkwardly sit in silence. Liz is being ice cold, Jo-Ellen is trying to control the situation, and Alicia is openly weeping, with tears silently streaming down her face as she reads the menu. Ultimately, it\u2019s a hilarious scene for Ashley of all people to walk in on.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s got allergies,\u201d Jo-Ellen lies, trying to explain away Alicia\u2019s visible tears to Ashley, who\u2019s just happy to be anywhere. We\u2019re also joined by a new friend, Monique, who\u2019s one of Rosie\u2019s best friends and an old co-worker of Alicia\u2019s \u2014 because if there\u2019s one thing we\u2019ve learned so far it\u2019s that Alicia Carmody knows every single person in Rhode Island. Monique is married to former Patriots player Patrick Pass, and while she doesn\u2019t get up to much this week, her intro makes it seem like we\u2019ll be getting more of her eventually.<\/p>\n
Once they\u2019re settled (or at least as settled as they can be given the circumstances), Rich\u2019s show begins. I was so curious how Bravo would go about showing us a Frank Sinatra tribute performance, given their reluctance ever to license real music, and sure enough, he kicks things off with a rousing royalty-free performance of \u201cWhen The Saints Go Marching In.\u201d Okay, Joker: Folie \u00e0 Deux! Was it kind of giving that 30 Rock episode where they did \u201cPublic Domain Week\u201d on America\u2019s Kidz Got Singing? Absolutely. But was Alicia suddenly having the time of her life grooving to this classic? You better believe it. In fact, it revitalizes her so much that she tries to make peace with Liz across the table, but she doesn\u2019t bite and instead heads outside for a cigarette.<\/p>\n
Jo-Ellen follows, but what I was most thrown by was that it was still fully daylight outside. What time was this show? Noon? In any case, they keep fighting over a cigarette, and Liz is acting like an insane person, refusing to engage with Jo-Ellen in any reasonable way, which infuriates her as they storm back into the show. In that time, Rich has changed into what looks to be his First Communion suit, and he starts to sing \u201cCan\u2019t Help Falling In Love With You.\u201d That\u2019s right, both songs that they show Rich singing for his \u201cSinatra Sunday\u201d Frank Sinatra tribute performance\u2026 are not Frank Sinatra songs. But Alicia, who screams out in delight when he begins, doesn\u2019t seem to mind \u2014 and sings along to the romantic Elvis song while Jo-Ellen and Liz are actively fighting at the table mid-performance.<\/p>\n
I can\u2019t remember the last time a Housewives scene brought me this much joy. It\u2019s beautiful filmmaking, it\u2019s hilarious, it\u2019s Emmy-worthy. The juxtaposition between the love song and the hate-filled argument that it\u2019s unintentionally scoring is simply incredible television. Liz tugs on Jo-Ellen\u2019s hair, Alicia (taking only a momentary break from fanning out) screams at Jo-Ellen not to react, Liz shoves her chair clear away from her \u2014 it\u2019s mayhem.<\/p>\n
Now, like me, you might assume that Rosie would be furious about this display at Rich\u2019s show, but what I\u2019m quickly learning is that we can\u2019t begin to guess how these women might react to anything. Rosie couldn\u2019t have cared less, her eyes were looking only at Rich singing his little songs, not at the drama playing out directly in front of his stage. \u201cAnyways, Rich is amazing at singing!\u201d she says with glee. I love the way they love.<\/p>\n
Speaking of things I love, Alicia\u2019s entire family gets together to celebrate because her daughter Celina won\u2026 well, she doesn\u2019t exactly know what she won, but she won some dance thing. \u201cThere\u2019s a name for it. It\u2019s like, Miss Title. It\u2019s like a big deal,\u201d Alicia says. But even though the dinner is to celebrate Celina, she has to exile her momentarily so she can fill her mom and aunts in on all the new drama. \u201cCelina, go ovah there, I don\u2019t want you to pay attention \u2018cause you\u2019re a stalkah,\u201d she tells her daughter, before explaining homeless-gate to her family.<\/p>\n
Now, you may recall that Liz\u2019s main defense is that she thought Alicia\u2019s family would be upset at her using the word homeless, and this conversation completely invalidates that argument. All of Alicia\u2019s aunts immediately agree that she was in fact homeless, and her mother feels personally offended by Liz\u2019s stance on the matter. But the best part of the conversation comes when Aunt Judy chimes in to suggest that maybe all of the weed is to blame, but Alicia seems to claim that Liz doesn\u2019t partake, she only sells it. That\u2019s a massive bombshell if true, because I had been blaming most of Liz\u2019s behavior and quirks on the assumption that she must just constantly be high out of her mind, so I don\u2019t know what to believe. In any case, Judy doesn\u2019t buy it.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, Liz heads to Dolores\u2019s, where we find out Dolores has a chihuahua named \u201cDog.\u201d That\u2019s all I want to talk about, quite frankly, but Liz would rather fill in Dolores and Kelsey about the blow-up they missed. She explains that she took offense that Jo-Ellen, a famous pot-stirrer, thought she could play the role of peacemaker. She goes on to say the same thing later in the episode to Rulla, who I had forgotten was on this show. But what better person is there to talk shit about Jo-Ellen with? She similarly explains that she has doubts about Jo-Ellen\u2019s authenticity, which Rulla is happy to cosign. Not only that, but Rulla also suggests in her confessional that Jo-Ellen might be guilty of what she\u2019s accusing Brian of, alluding that she\u2019s having or had an affair of her own. Ultimately, I don\u2019t give a shit, and Rulla can\u2019t continue to pick and choose what parts of that storyline she wants to talk about. If she doesn\u2019t want to talk about Brian\u2019s cheating anymore, she can\u2019t keep bringing up the fact that Jo-Ellen exposed it. And until Rulla has video evidence of Jo-Ellen cheating, it\u2019s a false equivalency.<\/p>\n
Speaking of Jo-Ellen, she goes over to Kelsey\u2019s for a little painting date and to tell her side of the story. Kelsey knew she\u2019d one day be caught in the middle of these two, and now that day has arrived. She does a good job of seeing both sides, even though Jo-Ellen tries to put her on the spot like the masterful Housewife she is. When Kelsey doesn\u2019t take the bait, Jo-Ellen explains in her confessional that she thinks Kelsey is afraid of Liz. And listen, I\u2019d be afraid of her too! Her scary reputation has become a recurring theme this season, and for good reason. There\u2019s an unpredictability to her anger that rightfully keeps the other women on guard. Not to mention that her perpetual slurred drawl makes it sound like she\u2019s about to cast some kind of spell on you.<\/p>\n
After an episode of them each talking to everybody else about the situation, Liz and Jo-Ellen finally meet up to talk through things face to face, and you could cut the tension with a knife \u2014 or one of Jo-Ellen\u2019s nipples. Not only is it seemingly freezing outside, but as soon as the conversation gets started, the skies open up, and it starts pouring, which feels like a bad omen. Liz explains that what she had a problem with was Jo-Ellen positioning herself as the peacemaker, but what Jo-Ellen can\u2019t understand is why Liz, whom she considers one of her best friends, is so mean to her. \u201cWe have never been best friends,\u201d Liz brutally fires back, before denying that she ever put hands on Jo-Ellen, despite the footage of her doing exactly that. \u201cYou are the fucking devil. I didn\u2019t pull your hair, and you know it,\u201d Liz says. Again, there is video footage of that happening, so I\u2019m looking forward to seeing how Liz manages to deny it at the reunion \u2014 but until then, she\u2019s had enough of this conversation (because she\u2019s losing), so she storms out.<\/p>\n
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