“Disclosure Day” is almost here, and I’ve been pricing panic rooms ever since the first trailer dropped.<\/p>\n
Maybe I’m overreacting. <\/p>\n
Or maybe the sheer terror in Emily Blunt’s eyes is telling me everything I need to know:<\/p>\n
“Buy TP in bulk, because the aliens are coming!”<\/p>\n
Here’s why I’m equally excited and stocking up on canned goods:<\/p>\n
1. THE SETUP IS GIVING “E.T.” MEETS “THE X-FILES” MEETS “OH NO”<\/p>\n
Josh O’Connor plays Daniel Kellner, a cybersecurity expert hired to protect highly classified digital archives, who promptly discovers that the data he’s guarding contains proof of non-human intelligence.<\/p>\n
We are talking aliens, people! <\/p>\n
Little green men! <\/p>\n
Bodysnatching, mind-controlling, space invaders!<\/p>\n
Okay, I am being a tad judgmental, but look at those spindly fingers and that brain probe. <\/p>\n
Look, I don’t condone stealing, but in this instance, I’m all for O’Connor’s character leaking the truth to all of humanity.<\/p>\n
If I’m about to get probed under harsh UFO lighting, I want a heads up.<\/p>\n
So, thank god for thumb drives and whistleblowers.<\/p>\n
2. THE VILLAIN IS COLIN FIRTH IN A SUIT AND THAT’S SOMEHOW TERRIFYING<\/p>\n
The man standing between Daniel (O’Connor) and the truth is a shadowy corporate executive played by Colin Firth, who commands a secret operation willing to use deadly force to keep the alien coverup intact.<\/p>\n
Colin Firth. Mr. Darcy himself. A cold-blooded alien truth suppressor. I didn’t know I needed this. Yet. I need this.<\/p>\n
Maybe it’s because we both wear cool mouth-guards. Mine’s for TMJ so I don’t clench my teeth when I sleep.<\/p>\n
I’m not sure what his is for, but that level of nostril flare means it can’t be good.<\/p>\n
Another sign of bad intentions, being flanked by dudes in tactical gear.<\/p>\n
They have zero desire to form a book club. One hundred percent desire to kill.<\/p>\n
Although, maybe all the safety gear and helmets is because the floor looks really slick.<\/p>\n
3. EMILY BLUNT STARTS SPEAKING IN ALIEN ON LIVE TELEVISION<\/p>\n
Here’s where things truly go off the rails.<\/p>\n
Emily Blunt plays a Kansas City meteorologist named Margaret Fairchild, who starts experiencing strange psychic phenomena. <\/p>\n
During a live weather broadcast, she starts emitting alien clicking noises and code-like vocalizations.<\/p>\n
That’s enough to make Al Roker poop his pants again! (Google it. True story.)<\/p>\n
Can you imagine flipping on the tube to hear the pollen count and then this happens:<\/p>\n
“And now let’s check the five-day forecast… click click brrzzt whooooom.”<\/p>\n
Nope. I’m out. The National Weather Service needs to be prepared!<\/p>\n
4. THE COUPLE ON THE RUN ANGLE IS VERY ROMANTIC AND VERY STUPID<\/p>\n
After Daniel steals the most classified data in human history, he and his girlfriend Jane (Eve Hewson) are forced to go on the run from federal agents.<\/p>\n
Nothing says date night like being hunted by the government because your boyfriend leaked proof of extraterrestrial life.<\/p>\n
Jane deserves a conversation about boundaries.<\/p>\n
Another red flag in their relationship is Daniel’s driving.<\/p>\n
He clearly has little regard for Jane’s safety or the basic rules of the road.<\/p>\n
At the very least, make sure she has her seatbelt on if you plan on plowing through a house.<\/p>\n
5. WAIT. IS THIS SECRETLY A “CLOSE ENCOUNTERS” SEQUEL?<\/p>\n
Fan theories have been swirling since the first trailer dropped, and they might be onto something.<\/p>\n
Spielberg’s 1977 classic “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” ended with humanity making first contact, but left a lot of questions unanswered.<\/p>\n
Nearly 50 years later, Emily Blunt told Empire magazine <\/a>that “there are definitely questions posed by Close Encounters that are answered in Disclosure Day.”<\/p>\n Oh, man, my tinfoil hat is tingling! That’s not a denial. That’s not even close to a denial.<\/p>\n Whether it’s a full stealth sequel or a spiritual successor, Spielberg appears to be closing a loop he opened before most of his current audience was born. <\/p>\n And honestly? The audacity of waiting 49+ years to answer your own cliffhanger is extremely on brand.<\/p>\n 6. SPIELBERG CHOSE THIS AS HIS ALIEN COMEBACK AND WE RESPECT IT<\/p>\n He took a long break from the alien genre. Sure, he gave us “E.T.” in 1982.<\/p>\n And 2008’s “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,” which featured Area 51 and a convoluted “interdimensional beings” storyline.<\/p>\n The point is, fans have been yearning for vintage Stevie!<\/p>\n Well, ask and ye shall receive.<\/p>\n “Disclosure Day” has all the ingredients of a classic Spielberg blockbuster:<\/p>\n – A vast conspiracy<\/p>\n – Mysterious baddies<\/p>\n – Awesome supernatural stuff<\/p>\n And the Oscar-winning director himself is a believer. He recently told the BBC<\/a> that he believes we will discover aliens in our lifetime.<\/p>\n 7. THE EARLY REVIEWS ARE A GOOD SIGN (UNLIKE CROP CIRCLES WHICH MEAN WE’RE DOOMED!)<\/p>\n A recent Hollywood Reporter <\/a> article featured a ton of positive reactions from critics. Here’s just a few of them:<\/p>\n Collider’s Steven Weintraub called it “another towering home run,” and Gizmodo\u2019s Germain Lussier declared it “Spielberg\u2019s best film in 20 years.”<\/p>\n And the praise train continued with IndieWire’s Jim Hemphill comparing “Disclosure Day” to “Raiders of the Lost Ark” but with even more “emotional texture” and ambition.<\/p>\n On the flip side, THR’s article included one dissenting voice. <\/p>\n Polygon’s Jacob Kleinman, who called it “quite good” but noted it has “a mess of half-baked ideas and plotlines.”<\/p>\n I predict he’s going to feel very embarrassed at the end of awards season.<\/p>\n Hello! It has Colman freakin’ Domingo in it. That’s already award-worthy.<\/p>\n 8. NOT GONNA LIE, THE TAGLINE IS A LOT TO UNPACK AND I AM TRIGGERED<\/p>\n The official tagline asks: “If you found out we weren’t alone, if someone showed you, proved it to you, would that frighten you?”<\/p>\n Yes. Absolutely yes. Enormously.<\/p>\n “This summer, the truth belongs to eight billion people.”<\/p>\n Eight billion people who are wildly unprepared for this information. Most people can’t even agree on what to have for dinner. We are not ready to process the existence of extraterrestrial life as a society.<\/p>\n But here we go anyway.<\/p>\n “Disclosure Day” hits theaters June 12.<\/p>\n Follow us on Instagram @WeArePauseRewind<\/a> for all your pop culture obsessions.<\/p>\n