While people are becoming better at recognising and getting help for those with postpartum anxiety or depression, the conversation doesn\u2019t always extend to mood disorders that existed before and after having a baby. We, too, are in the trenches, but for different reasons. Although depression can make you feel incredibly isolated, you are not alone \u2013 according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 1 in 5 adults experience depression at some point in their lives.<\/p>\n
I talked to experts as well as other people who are navigating parenthood and major depressive disorder. Here\u2019s their advice.<\/p>\n
Tell your children what\u2019s going on<\/p>\n
Although it is natural to want to protect your children, it\u2019s best to be open and honest with them, rather than trying to hide what\u2019s happening, the experts said. \u201cParents sometimes don\u2019t say anything because they don\u2019t know what to say or [are] afraid of upsetting their kids,\u201d said Michelle Sherman, a board-certified couple and family psychologist and co-author of the book Loving Someone With a Mental Illness or History of Trauma, which she co-wrote with her mother. \u201cBut then if you do research with kids who\u2019ve grown up with a parent with mental illness, oftentimes they wish someone had told them.\u201d<\/p>\n
With an absence of communication, children might make assumptions that are worse than the reality. Of course, you should only share information that is age-appropriate, Sherman said.<\/p>\n
For Diana Warth, 40, talking to her daughter about depression was unavoidable. \u201cI actually went to a private treatment facility at the end of December 2023 and so I was away from her for three weeks,\u201d she said. Her daughter was 5 at the time, and Warth\u2019s partner simply told her that her mother was sad and needed to go to the doctor to feel better. \u201cShe understands that now,\u201d Warth said.<\/p>\n
Here are a few more tips based on my own experiences and what experts often advise:<\/p>\n
Assure your child that they are not to blame for what\u2019s happening.Let them know they\u2019re not responsible for a parent\u2019s emotions or angry outbursts.Try to speak with them calmly and with kindness.If you do lose your temper (anger can be a symptom of depression), apologise and try to curtail such expressions in the future.<\/p>\n
Get help<\/p>\n
After years away from therapy, I restarted when my daughter was an infant and continued until she was about 6. I saw three different therapists during that time. Once I found the right one, she helped me talk through my issues and offered perspectives that I had not considered before.<\/p>\n
If you can\u2019t find a therapist or can\u2019t afford one, look for lower-cost or community-based treatment. Open Path Collective or Therapist.com\u2019s directory (which has a sliding scale option) are good places to find professionals in your area.<\/p>\n
Take care of yourself, as best you can<\/p>\n
If you have depression, it can be challenging to just take care of your child and yourself, but choosing healthier food and exercising may help you feel better physically and emotionally. It\u2019s not in everyone\u2019s budget, but I did find that meal kits were a big help when my daughter was very young. Meal prepping can also save time and effort.<\/p>\n
Exercise releases endorphins and may help boost your mood and ease depressive symptoms. \u201cWhen you\u2019re depressed, that\u2019s the last thing you want to do. It\u2019s the very last, and it\u2019s the thing you should do the most,\u201d said Melanie Mullinax, a mom who developed depression and PTSD after a car accident.<\/p>\n
\u201cSelf-care is not selfish,\u201d Joanne Nicholson, a clinical and research psychologist and professor at Brandeis University, said in an email.<\/p>\n
That applies to any caregiver, including fathers. \u201cIf they are feeling down or blue or think something is off in terms of their mental health, getting the help they need is what is going to help their family the most,\u201d Craig Garfield, an attending physician at Lurie Children\u2019s Hospital of Chicago and a professor of paediatrics at Northwestern University\u2019s Feinberg School of Medicine, said in an email.<\/p>\n
Make a plan<\/p>\n
While you are busy planning family meals, play dates, and dentist and doctor\u2019s visits, don\u2019t forget to also have a system in place for the next time you\u2019re feeling low, said Nicholson, who is also the author of the 2001 book \u201cParenting Well When You\u2019re Depressed: A Complete Resource for Maintaining a Healthy Family\u201d. Nicholson explains that being proactive takes energy, which depressed people often lack. But if you know the signs that you might be struggling, you can better prepare for the future.<\/p>\n
Enlist your partner or another trusted friend or family member to be someone you \u2013 or your child \u2013 can turn to as you manage your mood.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt can be a grandparent, it can be a neighbour, it can be your partner or husband,\u201d Nicholson said.<\/p>\n
Make time for yourself<\/p>\n
While part of depression is losing interest in the world around you, you can also end up so busy organising birthday parties, taking kids to soccer games or helping with homework that you forget to even consider doing things that can bring you joy. Think about the things that make you feel happier (or have always wanted to try).<\/p>\n
While sometimes nothing can lift your mood, some of these ideas may be worth trying: spend time in nature, or try to relax at home with a craft project and music in the background. There are also thousands of podcasts specifically dedicated to mental health across platforms such as Spotify and Apple.<\/p>\n
Celebrate your wins<\/p>\n
When you are depressed, sometimes all you think about are perceived failures. But what if you kept a strength journal, the way that people keep gratitude journals, amassing a collection of successes, no matter how small?<\/p>\n
Nicholson encourages people to keep track of what they are doing well, helping to rebuild their confidence and capacity to do better. She ultimately hopes that no matter what we are going through, we can give ourselves some grace.<\/p>\n
These days, I still experience occasional feelings of woe, but I keep myself from being consumed by despair. I focus more on gratitude \u2013 not by pretending to appreciate or ignoring what\u2019s truly bad, but by reorienting my thoughts toward what is good. I also try to remain hopeful, shift my focus to more outward pursuits and, yes, give myself a little grace in the process.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"While people are becoming better at recognising and getting help for those with postpartum anxiety or depression, the…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":51071,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[2109,6934,14224,537,163,27207,85,46,39223,39224,10040,522,523,39227,39228,22801,12440,39225,22139,5798,39226,11022,39058,5392,9071],"class_list":{"0":"post-51070","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-mental-health","8":"tag-about","9":"tag-care","10":"tag-daughter","11":"tag-depression","12":"tag-health","13":"tag-heres","14":"tag-il","15":"tag-israel","16":"tag-learned","17":"tag-made","18":"tag-major","19":"tag-mental-health","20":"tag-mentalhealth","21":"tag-met","22":"tag-myself","23":"tag-needs","24":"tag-parenting","25":"tag-sure","26":"tag-taking","27":"tag-that","28":"tag-took","29":"tag-wasnt","30":"tag-were","31":"tag-what","32":"tag-with"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/51070","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=51070"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/51070\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/51071"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=51070"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=51070"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=51070"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}