{"id":528634,"date":"2026-07-06T23:29:18","date_gmt":"2026-07-06T23:29:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/528634\/"},"modified":"2026-07-06T23:29:18","modified_gmt":"2026-07-06T23:29:18","slug":"single-and-sick-dating-with-breast-cancer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/528634\/","title":{"rendered":"Single and Sick: Dating With Breast Cancer"},"content":{"rendered":"

At age 33<\/a>, Alison Martin found herself sitting nervously in an oncology waiting room. She was there to discuss her upcoming double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery, and she was alone. \u201cMost of the time I wouldn\u2019t even tell my parents or friends when I had an appointment, because I would feel guilty if someone insisted on taking time out of their day just to come sit with me in a waiting room,\u201d Martin says. \u201cSo I\u2019d be there alone next to these women<\/a> with their partners, and I felt like everyone was looking at me and thinking, Look at that poor girl, she has nobody.\u201d<\/p>\n

Just a year before, everything in Martin\u2019s life had been going exactly to plan. At that time, she\u2019d graduated from business school, had a great group of friends, and was working at a prestigious finance firm in New York City. The only thing that was missing in her life was someone to share it with. As the new year approached, Martin made a resolution to finally carve out some time from her 80-hour work weeks to start dating. \u201cI remember thinking, 2024 is the year I\u2019m going to focus on meeting someone great.\u201d<\/p>\n

As 2023 came to a close, Martin had been working through her end-of-year checklist and realized there was one box left to tick: getting her mammogram<\/a>. Although she didn\u2019t carry a known gene for the disease, Martin had a strong family history of breast cancer<\/a> \u2014 her paternal grandmother, aunt, and older sister had all been diagnosed with the disease \u2014 so she had started getting mammograms at age 30. \u201cMy breasts were so small they needed to bring in a supervising technician to help get the image,\u201d she remembers. \u201cI always felt like if I had breast cancer, there was no way I wouldn\u2019t feel a lump.\u201d She was asked to return for a biopsy, and on the second day of 2024, she learned breast cancer wasn’t always obvious, no matter the breast size. As she scanned a MyChart message from her office, Martin\u2019s jaw dropped: She had ductal carcinoma in situ. \u201cI didn\u2019t know what ‘in situ’ meant, but I sure as heck knew what ‘carcinoma’ meant,\u201d she recalls.<\/p>\n

Although her first instinct was to panic, Martin calmed down after learning her diagnosis<\/a> was non-invasive (which is what “in situ” means) and stage 0. \u201cI remember my mom saying I was going to have a tough year ahead of me,\u201d Martin says. \u201cBut I was determined not to let it impact my plans for the year. I would get through whatever treatment I needed, and then I would put this whole experience in the rear-view.\u201d<\/p>\n

With her diagnosis came a flurry of appointments and consultations<\/a>, many of which Martin attended alone. She knew her friends and family would have jumped at the opportunity to support her, but she feared telling them she needed that support would only garner pity. \u201cTo me, showing vulnerability about being lonely felt like weakness,\u201d she says. \u201cMaybe that\u2019s why at the beginning, I tried to handle everything on my own \u2014 I felt like I needed to prove to everyone I was strong, to reassure everyone but also myself.\u201d<\/p>\n

After going over her options with her care team, Martin was leaning toward a full mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. Unlike many young women diagnosed with breast cancer, her care team advised she would not need chemotherapy<\/a>, and the double mastectomy could save her from both radiation treatment and the need for a five-year course of estrogen-blocking medication, which may have impacted her fertility<\/a>. \u201cI\u2019ve never had any attachment to my breasts, so the idea of losing them meant very little to me,\u201d says Martin. \u201cAt first, I even deluded myself into thinking of it as a free boob job.\u201d<\/p>\n

But reconstructive surgery, Martin learned, is very different from cosmetic breast surgery, and would leave much more visible scarring. When her surgeon showed her the after photos of previous patients, “it really hit home for me that this wasn\u2019t just going to be an inconvenience,\u201d she remembers. \u201cThe scars would be big, and obvious, and impossible to ignore. When I\u2019d thought about dating, I\u2019d only considered the time I would lose, not how this would impact my self-image and confidence. It was devastating, and I felt so alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

As she weighed the pros and cons of a full mastectomy, Martin was put in touch with another breast cancer survivor who had undergone reconstructive surgery. \u201cThe first question she asked me was if I was married or in a relationship,\u201d Martin says. \u201cWhen I told her I was single, she very bluntly suggested I look into other treatment options. The idea that I should compromise my health because a potential partner might be turned off by visible incision scars made me angry.\u201d She decided to move forward with the double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery.<\/p>\n

The six-hour procedure went well, and Martin went home to begin the healing process. \u201cThis was when people really showed up for me,\u201d she says. The recovery would take about a month, when she would mostly be bedridden and unable to lift her arms. Martin\u2019s mother traveled to the city and slept on the couch in her studio apartment for weeks. Friends checked in constantly, dropped by to keep her company, and sent food since she couldn\u2019t cook for herself.<\/p>\n

Five weeks after surgery, Martin felt well enough to start dating again. She activated her profile on a dating app and matched with Sam. \u201cHe was the first person I went out with after surgery, and for the first few dates I just didn\u2019t tell him about it,\u201d she says. On their third date, Martin found herself back at Sam\u2019s apartment. \u201cWe were at a point where I realized there was no putting it off any longer, so I stopped and said, \u2018There\u2019s something I need to tell you. I had breast cancer and a mastectomy.\u2019\u201d She explained that this was just five weeks ago, and that she still wasn\u2019t ready for him, or anyone, to see her body. \u201cThere\u2019s no textbook for how to approach this,\u201d she says. \u201cMy whole little speech was awkward, and stilted, and messy.\u201d But to her, his response was perfect.<\/p>\n

He told her he wished they\u2019d met sooner so he could have been there to support her. \u201cI\u2019d been freaking out this entire time that people would see my scars and nobody would ever want to date me,\u201d Martin says. \u201cBut then I met Sam. It happened so soon after the worst thing that happened to me, and he\u2019s the best thing that\u2019s happened to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Almost two years later, Martin is now in remission<\/a>, and she and Sam have moved in together. When she reflects on those days in the waiting room when she felt so lonely, Martin doesn\u2019t feel sad for that version of herself: She feels proud of her. \u201cI went through that experience without a partner, which means I can get through anything without a partner,\u201d she says. \u201cIt made me realize I don\u2019t need Sam in my life<\/a>, but I want him in my life.<\/p>\n

That doesn\u2019t mean there aren\u2019t still bad days. While her physical scars may eventually fade, the emotional ones are still healing \u2014 something Martin realized when she recently found herself sobbing in the shower. \u201cSometimes out of nowhere, it hits me: Oh my God, I went through the three most horrible, traumatic months of my life, and then I just plowed on like it never happened.\u201d But with Sam\u2019s support, Martin is starting to accept that maybe vulnerability isn\u2019t weakness, and that it takes strength to ask for help. Cancer isn\u2019t just something that happened to her \u2014 it\u2019s a trauma she\u2019ll carry for the rest of her life, but it\u2019s one she doesn\u2019t have to carry alone.<\/p>\n

The post Single and Sick: Dating With Breast Cancer<\/a> appeared first on Katie Couric Media<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"At age 33, Alison Martin found herself sitting nervously in an oncology waiting room. She was there to…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":528635,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[228653,10986,73426,163,85,46,20206],"class_list":["post-528634","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-health","tag-alison-martin","tag-breast-cancer","tag-double-mastectomy","tag-health","tag-il","tag-israel","tag-reconstructive-surgery"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/528634","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=528634"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/528634\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/528635"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=528634"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=528634"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=528634"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}