{"id":592153,"date":"2026-08-22T02:26:09","date_gmt":"2026-08-22T02:26:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/592153\/"},"modified":"2026-08-22T02:26:09","modified_gmt":"2026-08-22T02:26:09","slug":"70-of-the-greatest-samantha-jones-quotes-on-kim-cattralls-70th-birthday","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/592153\/","title":{"rendered":"70 of the Greatest Samantha Jones Quotes on Kim Cattrall\u2019s 70th Birthday"},"content":{"rendered":"

A wise woman once said: \u201cI will not be judged by you or society.\u201d She also said, \u201cHello, my name is Fabulous!\u201d and \u201cYou can\u2019t swing a Fendi purse without knocking over five losers.\u201d We\u2019re talking, of course, about Samantha Jones<\/a>, arguably Sex and the City\u2019s funniest, wisest, most progressive and life-loving character.<\/p>\n

With her open-minded, sex-positive approach to men and dating, her unwaveringly loyal approach to friendship, and her don\u2019t-fuck-with-me approach to work, Samantha was the woman we all wanted to be, and the woman we all wanted to listen to\u2014even now. Though Sex and the City ended two entire decades ago, many of her most valuable life lessons\u2014usually delivered via purring, zingy one-liners, either with a dirty martini in one hand or while waving a fork over brunch\u2014feel just as relevant today.<\/p>\n

And so, without further ado, on Kim Cattrall<\/a>\u2019s 70th birthday, here are 70 of the greatest Samantha Jones quotes of all time.<\/p>\n

\u201cDirty martini? Dirty bastard!\u201d\u201cYou can\u2019t swing a Fendi purse without knocking over five losers.\u201d\u201cPlease, Maria has 10 dicks!\u201d *waves fingers*\u201cI am harsh. I am also demanding, stubborn, self-sufficient, and always right\u2014in bed, at the office, and everywhere else.\u201d\u201cEasy? Honey, they don\u2019t call it a \u2018job\u2019 for nothing.\u201d\u201cFuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me.\u201d\u201cI have decided, after careful consideration, that I might be ready for bigger boobs.\u201d\u201cA guy gets angry in a meeting, he\u2019s a pistol. A woman? She\u2019s emotional.\u201d\u201cI think I have monogamy. I caught it from you people.\u201d\u201cI\u2019m dating a guy with the funkiest tasting spunk!\u201d\u201cWhat\u2019s your age ceiling with men? Factor in millions and millions of dollars.\u201d\u201cI\u2019m telling you, Carrie. It was like a wall of flesh coming at me\u2026 I mean, it was quite a shock, his hands are relatively tiny.\u201d\u201cHe\u2019s doing it on his lunch hour, I\u2019m going to follow him. Oh, don\u2019t worry, he won\u2019t know it\u2019s me, I got a wig from the Raquel Welch wig line.\u201d\u201cThree errant hairs and this asshole thinks I\u2019m George of the Jungle. And you should see the bush on him, I need a weed-whacker just to find his dick.\u201d\u201cI don\u2019t believe in the Republican party or the Democratic party. I just believe in parties.\u201d\u201cDo you know that when a vagina gets engorged, it expands to the size of a fist? It\u2019s like a fabulous cave!\u201d\u201cI don\u2019t understand why women are so obsessed with getting married. I mean, married people just want to be single again.\u201d\u201cI\u2019m a try-sexual: I\u2019ll try anything once.\u201d\u201cI fucked a guy once because his family had a pool.\u201d\u201cI love you too, Richard, but I love me more.\u201d\u201cThe right guy is an illusion. Start living your lives.\u201d\u201cIf I worried what every bitch in New York was saying about me, I\u2019d never leave the house!\u201d\u201cI will not be judged by you or society. I will wear whatever and blow whomever I want as long as I can breathe\u2014and kneel.\u201dCarrie: \u201cYou brought a pregnant woman a bottle of scotch?\u201d
Samantha: \u201cThe invitation said \u2018BYOB\u2019.\u201d\u201cI\u2019m going to have a big drink. Jealous?\u201d\u201cMen aren\u2019t that complicated. They\u2019re kind of like plants.\u201d\u201cI\u2019m not going to die in this tin can. I have a date with a dildo.\u201d\u201cSince when did kids become the get-out-of-cancer-free card?\u201d\u201cI masturbated to my priest.\u201d\u201cMoney is power. Sex is power. Therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.\u201d\u201cIf you were 25 that would be adorable, but you\u2019re 32. That\u2019s just stupid.\u201d\u201cI\u2019m sick of people with children, they\u2019re everywhere.\u201d\u201cHis dick is like a gherkin.\u201d\u201cThe country runs better with a good-looking man in the White House. I mean, look what happened with Nixon. No one wanted to fuck him, so he fucked everyone.\u201d\u201cI feel the same way about being a bridesmaid as you feel about Botox\u2014painful and unnecessary.\u201d\u201cThe good ones screw you, the bad ones screw you, and the rest don\u2019t know how to screw you.\u201d\u201cMen cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their balls\u2014because they can.\u201d\u201cThe only words you should say in bed are dirty ones.\u201d\u201cNipples are huge right now, open any magazine.\u201d\u201cYes, I need glasses and I\u2019m not ashamed. I have a sexy young man who loves to fuck me and I\u2019m fabulous.\u201d\u201cI go to children\u2019s birthday parties for you. You\u2019re going to Abu Dhabi for me.\u201d\u201cYou know, marriage doesn\u2019t guarantee a happy ending\u2014just an ending.\u201d\u201cI am leading the way through the menopause maze with my vitamins, my melatonin sleep patches, my bioidentical estrogen cream, progesterone cream, a touch of testosterone\u2026 I\u2019ve tricked my body into thinking it\u2019s younger.\u201d\u201cI don\u2019t get laid unless the Knicks win.\u201d\u201cAn ex is an ex for a reason.\u201d\u201cThe new millennium won\u2019t be about sexual labels. It\u2019ll be about sexual expression. It won\u2019t matter if you\u2019re sleeping with men or women. It\u2019ll be about sleeping with individuals.\u201d\u201cOh please, there\u2019s always a contest with an ex. It\u2019s called, \u2018Who will die miserable?\u2019\u201d\u201cI\u2019m fifty-fucking-two and I will rock this dress.\u201d\u201cHoney, what\u2019s the point of being in the suburbs if you\u2019re not going to fuck a gardener?\u201dCharlotte: \u201cTrey and I are trying to have a baby.\u201d
Samantha: \u201cWhy?\u201d\u201cI\u2019m done with great love. I\u2019m back to great lovers.\u201d\u201cHello, my name is Fabulous.\u201d\u201cI am not the type of woman who sits home all day waiting for a man.\u201d\u201cI never met a man who was bad in bed and who was good at life.\u201d\u201cWhy don\u2019t you go fuck yourself, because I won\u2019t be doing it again.\u201d\u201cIt\u2019s dickalicious.\u201d\u201cHow dare you! These are Chanel.\u201d\u201cYou dated Mr. Big, I\u2019m dating Mr too big.\u201dCharlotte: \u201cShe stole my baby name!
Samantha: \u201cYou bitch!\u201d\u201cI remember when Danny had more than one thought\u2026 and they all involved going up my ass.\u201d\u201cOh please, if you\u2019re a whore, what does that make me?\u201d\u201cYou have a lot of nerve telling me to get a wax\u2026 Every time I blow you I feel like I\u2019m flossing.\u201d\u201cThey practically chased me with torches like I was Fuckenstein.\u201d\u201cWe can\u2019t leave yet! They haven\u2019t even cut the cock!\u201d\u201cThis is so typical of men in power. They love to be dominated and humiliated.\u201d\u201cIs that the smallest man you\u2019ve ever seen?\u201d\u201cHe is a hot priest! Look at his robe, it\u2019s so Robin and His Merrie Men.\u201d\u201cI don\u2019t do sick person.\u201d\u201cWhy does everybody have to get married and have kids? It\u2019s so clich\u00e9.\u201d\u201cI can masturbate to whomever I like!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"A wise woman once said: \u201cI will not be judged by you or society.\u201d She also said, \u201cHello,…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":592154,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[6613,146,85,46,4813,10051],"class_list":["post-592153","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-entertainment","tag-digital_syndication","tag-entertainment","tag-il","tag-israel","tag-splitscreenimagerightfullbleed","tag-tv-movies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/592153","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=592153"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/592153\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/592154"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=592153"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=592153"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=592153"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}