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The Shards<\/a><\/p>\n Stairway to Heaven<\/p>\n \n Season 1<\/p>\n Episode 9\n <\/p>\n \n Editor\u2019s Rating<\/p>\n 1 stars<\/p>\n *\n <\/p>\n \n Photo: FX\n <\/p>\n Maybe it was the use of Ultravox\u2019s \u201cVienna\u201d \u2014 a song we haven\u2019t heard on The Shards since the series premiere<\/a> \u2014 but for a moment, I was convinced we were back on track. With the understanding that any course-correction would almost certainly be too little, too late, the finale\u2019s opening scenes made me feel like the show might be approaching a level of entertainment that\u2019s been missing for nearly the entire season. Then I kept watching. The deeper into the episode I got, the clearer it became that The Shards is doomed to incoherence, too far gone to ever put all these pieces back together into something satisfying. We get no surprises and no resolution, just build-up to an impressively anticlimactic ending. The final scene of \u201cStairway to Heaven\u201d is such a \u201cfuck you\u201d to the audience that it\u2019s clear this show never cared about the viewers or the much better novel it\u2019s based on. My mistake for briefly believing otherwise.<\/p>\n After an opening scene that flashes forward to the mystery of who pushed Terry over the railing \u2014 sigh, we\u2019ll get to it \u2014 we return to the Schaffer residence at present, where Debbie watches a VHS tape that we can assume shows her father and Bret in some very compromising positions. Like Bret in last week\u2019s episode<\/a>, Debbie is horrified by what she sees. Unlike Bret, she chooses to immediately use this to her advantage. She moves straight into blackmail mode, confronting Terry with the information she now possesses \u2014 she never says exactly what it is, but she doesn\u2019t have to \u2014 and plainly stating her demands: Daddy is going to make her a star. \u201cYou have no talent,\u201d Terry tells her, now that they\u2019re being fully honest with each other. Debbie doesn\u2019t let it faze her. \u201cBut I have information,\u201d she counters. \u201cI am now aware of something that Mommy could never prove.\u201d Even in 1981, I\u2019m a little dubious that she could actually destroy Terry\u2019s career the way she\u2019s threatening to. (Maybe if the show hadn\u2019t been afraid to let Bret be underage.) Regardless, Debbie appears to have the upper hand.<\/p>\n Meanwhile at Hamburger Hamlet (where else!), Susan and Thom are having a very uncomfortable post-breakup conversation. \u201cYou threatened me with a knife the same week our classmate\u2019s severed head was found in a trophy case<\/a>,\u201d she points out. Thom is not doing a great job of appearing any stabler now than he was then. Even as he maintains that there\u2019s something very wrong with Robert, Susan notes that none of Robert\u2019s behavior has been nearly as unhinged as Thom\u2019s. Case in point: Thom uses this moment to propose marriage to Susan, who has already made it clear she doesn\u2019t see a future for them. Luckily, Debbie arrives just in time to pull her bestie away before she has to respond. Living high on the newly upgraded lifestyle Terry is providing, Debbie\u2019s only real disappointment is that it\u2019s Halloween week and everything is canceled because of the Trawler. It\u2019s a little hard to square her attitude with Bret\u2019s insistence via voiceover that, \u201cI was no longer some crazy Cassandra spewing hollow warnings; now everyone was afraid.\u201d Are they?<\/p>\n Clearly, Debbie should be afraid, which she learns the hard way when she and Susan find the severed head of her horse, Spirit, in her bed. (The Trawler is a fan of The Godfather, apparently.) We don\u2019t see much of Debbie\u2019s reaction to this gruesome discovery, but Liz reports that her daughter was \u201chysterical and then deadly calm.\u201d I find it hard to believe that Liz\u2019s maternal instincts are persisting to the extent that she feels hurt by Debbie rejecting her comfort. I do buy that she\u2019d tell Steven she thinks Terry, who has long hated Debbie\u2019s horse, might have something to do with it. Surely there would be better ways to dispose of Spirit than stabbing, decapitation, and hoof removal, but it could be revenge for the blackmail plot \u2014 not that Liz knows about that yet. Evan Rachel Wood continues to give her all in these scenes, and her interaction with the drug-dispensing Dr. Stone might just be the highlight of the finale for me. \u201cMy husband is a homosexual, my daughter hates me, there\u2019s a serial killer targeting the glamorous,\u201d she explains when he asks for the root of her anxiety. \u201cCan you give me a shot of whatever you gave Debbie?\u201d<\/p>\n However broken Debbie may be by Spirit\u2019s mutilation, she seems perfectly fine by the time Bret meets her for a swim. There\u2019s a \u201clife goes on\u201d quality to much of what happens on The Shards, but it feels like sloppy plotting for a return to normalcy so soon after life-altering trauma, much like Bret being relatively chill the day after finding his first love\u2019s severed head. I did at least smile when Debbie confronted Bret about his absence, and he answered, \u201cI\u2019ve just been busy, and people around us keep getting murdered.\u201d Fair enough! Debbie doesn\u2019t go so far as to blackmail Bret, but she hints at the dangerous information she now wields as a way to get him on her team. Aside from demanding sex, she tells Bret that she will be prom queen in seven months and that he\u2019ll be in charge of her campaign. The whole thing smacks of a planned storyline for a second season I doubt will ever happen. Elsewhere \u2014 yes, at goddamn Hamburger Hamlet \u2014 another couple is negotiating the terms of their relationship. Susan and Robert are finally together, or at least moving firmly in that direction. In his voiceover, Bret reflects on the way that Robert has manipulated and gained control over Susan, but I think it\u2019s as simple as Robert being the only one to treat her normally. When he tells her, \u201cI think you have to acknowledge that you might have outgrown your friends,\u201d I\u2019m inclined to agree.<\/p>\n But Susan has bigger problems than a fractured friend group. That night, she gets a phone call from the Trawler, who is already in her home and chases after her with a knife. The whole thing is a bit of a shrug \u2014 Susan manages to escape unharmed and hides in the bathroom, where she locks the door and shrieks her head off. I wish this show were capable of creating any suspense, but at least it\u2019s given Kaia Gerber the opportunity to show off her screaming range. She\u2019s not in the bathroom long before Thom comes to her rescue, telling Susan that he tussled with the Trawler and threw him off the balcony. It\u2019s a very sus story, and not just because Thom doesn\u2019t have a scratch on him. When they look down at the backyard, there\u2019s no body. I\u2019ll give The Shards credit for this homage to Carpenter\u2019s Halloween, especially with so few other reminders that this is a Halloween episode. But it\u2019s not like the sequence serves any real purpose. Despite her near-death experience, Susan is still going to Debbie\u2019s Halloween party.<\/p>\n Yes, a Halloween party! What an exciting opportunity to make the finale pop by putting everyone in fun costumes. Or it would be, if they weren\u2019t all doing black tie and attending \u201cunmasked.\u201d Bret says this is the moment when all their secrets will be revealed, which is, I\u2019m sorry to say, a blatant lie. For his part, he promises that he\u2019s finally going to confront Robert about being the Trawler \u2014 has he not been doing that all season? \u2014 and that he\u2019ll lay out all his evidence at the party. When they\u2019re face-to-face at Susan\u2019s, however, things don\u2019t go as planned. Robert is unbothered by Bret invoking Katherine Latchford, and he brushes off Aunt Abigail as a depressive alcoholic. In fact, he\u2019s easily able to turn the tables on Bret. \u201cI feel bad for you,\u201d Robert tells him. \u201cYou have to get over this little crush that you have on me.\u201d When Bret brings up that they slept together, Robert appears genuinely confused. Is he playing Bret, or is Bret delusional? Troublingly, Robert also shares that he called Bret\u2019s dad\u2019s job to inquire about the months-long vacation Bret\u2019s parents are on. Work has no idea where Mr. Ellis is; he simply stopped showing up one day. \u201cIs he on a permanent getaway with your mother in the basement, Bret?\u201d Robert presses. \u201cDid you hack them to pieces?\u201d<\/p>\n At this point, Robert calmly accuses Bret of being the Trawler, murdering kids so that he can write what he knows. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Bret is less bothered by this than he is by the revelation that Robert and Susan are together now. There\u2019s no time to process that, though \u2014 they\u2019re interrupted by a scream from another room. Terry has been shoved over the railing by an unknown assailant, and is now bleeding out on the floor below. \u201cLooks like he slipped\u2026 or crossed the wrong person,\u201d Steven observes, which is probably not something I\u2019d say out loud if I were standing over the broken body of my employer. At the police station where the party guests have been taken for questioning, Bret and Robert continue their tense t\u00eate-\u00e0-t\u00eate. Both think the other pushed Terry \u2014 Robert says Bret did it because Terry made him do things to get his script optioned, while Bret says Robert did it because he\u2019s a sociopath. They each swear they have enough evidence to get the other locked up, depending on who talks to the cops first. Unfortunately, the detectives want to speak to them together.<\/p>\n And not just Bret and Robert, it turns out \u2014 the boys are taken to a room with Susan, Debbie, Thom, Liz, Steven, and, for some reason, Ryan. Detectives Donaldson and Fregosi announce that they have information pertaining to the murders of Katherine Latchford and Matt Kellner, and the kidnapping of Rhonda Fox, and that they now believe the culprit is someone in this room. (What about the rest of the Trawler victims? Does the show even remember that Cha Cha was murdered<\/a> a few episodes ago?) As the suspects look at each other suspiciously and the Go-Go\u2019s \u201cOur Lips Are Sealed\u201d starts to play, it becomes clear that The Shards has no intention of solving this (or any) mystery. Did you actually think this show was going somewhere? Adding insult to injury, Bret hits us with a final voiceover promising a better second season: \u201cAnd that\u2019s when things really got crazy.\u201d Roll credits. If you\u2019re not booing at the screen, you\u2019re not paying attention.<\/p>\n \u2022 I\u2019ve long wondered how the show was going to handle the Trawler\u2019s identity, since the book ultimately reveals that the Trawler is really just cult members paying tribute to Robert. Bret even acknowledges there may be multiple killers in this episode. Who could detectives finger here that would make any sense?<\/p>\n \u2022 In the novel, the Trawler\u2019s attack on Susan and Thom is much scarier and horrifically violent \u2014 and even more disturbing when you learn who really did it. I have doubts that the show is willing to go there.<\/p>\n \u2022 On the other hand, Robert\u2019s interaction with Bret at the party does call Bret\u2019s sanity into question. Did he fully imagine their hookup? Did he murder his parents? If the series continues, it could explore the idea of Bret as a dangerously unreliable narrator.<\/p>\n \u2022 I imagine a second season would also solve the mystery of who pushed Terry, but I don\u2019t know why we\u2019re supposed to care. There\u2019s already a serial killer on the loose, and that feels more important. In the book, we never learn who pushed Terry \u2014 or if he was pushed at all \u2014 because it doesn\u2019t really matter.<\/p>\n \u2022 Of all the changes this adaptation made, I can at least be grateful that Spirit\u2019s death is way less graphic here than on the page. I\u2019m still getting those images out of my head.<\/p>\n Sign Up for the Vulture Newsletter<\/p>\n Entertainment news, for the pop-culture obsessed.<\/p>\n Vox Media, LLC Terms and Privacy Notice<\/p>\n