Let them,\u201d<\/a> which is also the name of Robbins\u2019 blockbuster book, is a type of surrender based on stoicism and ancient philosophy, Robbins says. In a previous interview with TODAY.com, she said the concept allows you to \u201csee people exactly as they are instead of stressing yourself out wishing they were different.\u201d<\/p>\nMorgan\u2019s \u201cmake them\u201d theory is exactly that opposite. Rather than let people do what they want, you make them do as you want. <\/p>\n
Robbins watched \u201cNobody Wants This\u201d and was moved by the apparent reference, because she says it\u2019s proof her book is now \u201cpart of culture.\u201d <\/p>\n
Below, Robbins unpacks \u201cmake them\u201d vs. \u201clet them,\u201d her new People Magazine cover and whether her three kids take her famous advice in conversation with TODAY.com.<\/p>\n
What do you make of the \u2018make them\u2019 theory?<\/p>\n
I have used the \u201cmake them\u201d method for 54 years. I have tried to make them do the dishes, make them lose weight, make them change their mind, make them go to therapy, make them do their homework, and that does not work. What ends up happening when you try to make somebody change is they resist the thing you\u2019re making them do. <\/p>\n
I think it\u2019s amazing and fun and funny, but it\u2019s the way we\u2019re all going through life right now, which is why we\u2019re all so stressed out and why we\u2019re all frustrated in our relationships and with other people. <\/p>\n
I find it\u2019s much more strategic to work with the neuroscience, and just let people have the dignity of their own experience. Let people reveal who they are to you, and let them see your example. A funny thing happens, and this isn\u2019t my theory, it\u2019s actual hard science. When somebody has the space to sit with themselves, and when somebody does not feel pressured to change, they suddenly believe it\u2019s their idea. They suddenly have room to step toward the things that you\u2019ve been b—– about forever, because nobody wants to be told, \u201cI told you so.\u201d<\/p>\n
When you heard about the \u2018make them\u2019 theory on the show, were you flattered? <\/p>\n
I love the show, and I love everybody on it, and I was super flattered. I have created a simple theory that explains stoicism and radical acceptance and Buddhism and the serenity prayer, because that\u2019s what the \u201clet them\u201d theory is. <\/p>\n
When you see people not only apply it, but it becomes part of culture … you see people make jokes about it \u2014\u00a0you know you have shared something that is of value. If it\u2019s something simple, if it works, if it\u2019s sticky, so people can remember it, that\u2019s what makes for a really good idea. <\/p>\n
You have three kids. Do they listen to you? <\/p>\n
No, absolutely not. I\u2019m their mother. Why would they listen to me? They are biologically engineered to argue against and resist everything I try to make them do. I have learned the single best piece of advice in my 50s that I wish I had had when I was born, and it\u2019s this. Every parent should just repeat this sentence: Do you want my advice, or do you just want me to listen? Ninety-nine percent of the time, your children and everybody in your life just wants you to listen. <\/p>\n
But no, my children don\u2019t listen to me. <\/p>\n
I should listen to my mom more. She\u2019s always right. <\/p>\n
You cannot tell somebody the lesson they have to learn by failing or experiencing the pain of doing it your way. You just can\u2019t. Some lessons cannot be transferred through language. They have to be learned through experience. <\/p>\n
As moms in particular, we\u2019re trying to prevent you from experiencing the pain that we\u2019ve experienced. The irony is, the exact pain you need to learn the lesson, we can\u2019t teach.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re holding your new People magazine cover. How does it feel?<\/p>\n
We\u2019re a couple days away from Halloween right now. It feels like I\u2019m in a costume. I\u2019ve never imagined a moment where I would be on the cover of People. <\/p>\n
To see something this big happen in my career, and to know that it\u2019s happening because of all of the work that I did to change myself and become a person that is someone that I\u2019m proud of, and then just sharing what I\u2019m learning to be celebrated for the work that we can all do to change our lives \u2014 that\u2019s incredible. <\/p>\n
I\u2019m just very proud. I\u2019m so happy that the 41-year-old depressed, insecure, jealous, loser version of me got herself together and decided that she was worth working on, and her life was worth making better. Inside each of us, there is the desire to thrive. There is the desire to contribute. There is the desire to be happy. And I hope, in some small way, that this article and seeing how far one person can come in their life in 15, 16 years, and the positive difference that you can make \u2014 I hope it inspires somebody to make a decision to make their life better while they can. <\/p>\n
Part of what\u2019s inspirational about your story is that you didn\u2019t just wake up wise.<\/p>\n
I woke up dumb every day. Really dumb. If you think about it, if you\u2019re really honest with yourself, there are things that you\u2019re doing right now that are dumb, and they\u2019re embarrassing. If you really stop and say, \u201cOK, I can do better. I can take better care of myself. I can learn how to have a positive attitude. I don\u2019t have to hang out with negative idiots. … The time I\u2019m spending complaining and feeling sorry for myself is time I could actually invest in changing my mindset and my habits.\u201d<\/p>\n
When you do that, you immediately become a different person. The results take time, but you start to feel differently the moment you act differently. I think that\u2019s what shocked me the most. I stayed miserable for a long time. It\u2019s pretty surprising how different and how much better you can feel in a very short period of time simply by changing how you act every day. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Mel Robbins has heard of the \u201cmake them\u201d theory. In fact, she says she\u2019s been trying it for…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":659956,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[146,85,46],"class_list":["post-659955","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-entertainment","tag-entertainment","tag-il","tag-israel"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/659955","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=659955"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/659955\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/659956"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=659955"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=659955"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/il\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=659955"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}