I can’t believe it’s been over six years since the infamous barn fight between Candiace and Monique. It honestly feels like a lifetime ago that we saw Monique latch onto Candiace’s wig and summarily fight her way out of a job, but in retrospect, not all that much has changed. Sure, everyone is divorced now, and Candiace has taken her talents for histrionics out of the music studio and into the podcast mic for the time being — but we have the same President, Ashley remains as messy as ever, and Gizelle still won’t bring a man on camera. Some truths remain immutable in the Potomac universe.

I can be honest and admit that at the time, I was a bit clouded in my distaste for Candiace’s antics in a way that probably let me give Monique a bit too much grace about the situation. For one, the franchises are no strangers to violence: RHONJ occasionally serves as a WWE undercard, depending on the season; Salt Lake City has thrown more drinks in people’s faces than Susan Lucci; and Atlanta couldn’t even keep a slumber party peaceful. During this period, the ladies of Potomac still held onto a delusional pretense that they represented a specific style of Black upper-class genteel that had long been abandoned – the cast may be products of Jack and Jill, but the show is no The Gilded Age. And so once the fight actually aired, over a year after the fiasco had already leaked to the press, we spent an entire season being beaten over the head with the insistence that the cast was above this.

While I can now recognize that what Monique did was an unacceptable escalation of interpersonal issues in a workplace (which is what the show is, after all), her reunion performance will remain an all-time moment in not just Potomac, but Housewives history simply because she broke the show. Fully knowing she was on her way out, she summarily dismissed Gizelle with the binder moment that aired all over the world (Karen asking “is Jamal coming” with sardonic satisfaction remains etched in my cerebellum), but more importantly forced everyone to acknowledge that despite her being the deserved target of the reunion, all of the women have skeletons in their closet that they were unwilling to confront. Gizelle was reunited with a man who had embarrassed her numerous times with his penchant for skirt-chasing; Robyn was in an endless engagement with a now-husband who, then and now, seemed to barely humor her; Karen is a sugar-baby turned breadwinner who could be found at any watering hole in Potomac; Ashley was married to the personification of the grim reaper.

All of the women were trapped in their own cages of misery, trying to make Monique look like the primary cause for their own distress. Monique very much needed to leave, but the chaos she left behind, while occasionally resulting in uneven, stilted television, forced the women to acknowledge their own shortcomings in her absence. Ashley could no longer hide her disaster of a marriage; Robyn’s permanent state of melancholy became unavoidable; Chris Bassett was unable to hold a job longer than a season. I don’t think it’s that much of a stretch to say that women seem to be in 10 seasons is at least partially influenced by Monique wiping the slate clean on her first ousting.

Monique’s penchant for forthrightness, almost to the point of abruptness, is what makes her reintegration to the cast fascinating already. Thankfully, she makes no bones about addressing the elephant in the room, namely, the state of her divorce. It is no secret that Housewives can be taxing on any marriage, but often we hear it from the perspective of women who come on the show to build a career and a platform to split safely. Monique, however, freely admits that being on the show kept her marriage alive for years longer than it should have. Judging from her original run on the franchise, I fully believe that she held onto her marriage out of spite; at that time, there was no way she was going to let Gizelle have one up on her, and the image of her successful Black family with numerous houses, investments, and businesses was her ultimate trump card.

It was refreshing to hear the women reflect on that time without the show turning into a forlorn “very special episode.” Gizelle being able to acknowledge the strain she recognized in Monique’s marriage coming from the side of a divorcee is a conversation Monique simply would not have been able to receive five years ago, and I think it’s healthy that both women recognize that. I don’t know if we’ll get Gizelle to admit on camera that Monique gave her a run for her money at that reunion, but we’ll take the small victories where we can.

Unfortunately, Gizelle and Monique finally finding common ground is not the animating vehicle they are using to structure Monique’s return to the group. Nor are Monique and Wendy finally attempting to establish a relationship outside of Candiace’s sphere of influence after Monique was effectively removed from filming on Wendy’s rookie season. For whatever reason that I am still desperately attempting to make sense of, we are continuing to draw out this tired string of “Stacy being desperate for Chris.”

Listen, I get it. Stacey is definitely nimble with her understanding of the truth. I have dated enough men who told me they had no girlfriend, only to find out they actually had a wife (this has happened only three times, but it’s crazy that it happened more than once), so I recognize a person whose statements of fact come with terms and conditions. But here’s the thing: I don’t care that she fucked Chris, or didn’t. I don’t care that her husband, Temu, barely wants to be on camera and filming with the rest of the cast, or that they are too lazy to come up with coherent excuses to avoid participating in events. Temu says five words a minute, and to my ADHD brain, it feels like nails on a chalkboard; I won’t miss him if he doesn’t get mic’ed up ever again.

What Stacey understands well is that if you are not going to give authenticity, you have to sell the fantasy. Stacey has chosen to be the peppy, out-of-touch model who has the spirit of Mary Poppins in the package of Kenya Moore. Whether or not it’s legitimate is irrelevant to me until it fundamentally becomes irreconcilable with her on-camera persona, à la Grande Dame. Perhaps it’s the QVC training, the same stomping grounds that birthed us the scourge known as Lisa Rinna, but you simply cannot move her off her square.

Stacey’s consistent persona ultimately makes the women look even more deranged for calling it out. Monique already said she couldn’t possibly care less who Chris is dating, but Ashley, Keiarna, Tia, and Gizelle simply couldn’t leave well enough alone. Now I have to pretend that I care that Stacey told Chris that Monique was miserable by the end of her marriage? I’m sure that’s nothing Chris doesn’t already know, whether this Cookie lady is reporting back to him or not. Considering how the last fiasco with a third party bringing gossip went down, I just am not intrigued or inclined to explore this line of inquiry any further unless Stacey ups and leaves Temu for Chris.

All these shenanigans ultimately end up doing is cementing Stacey as indispensable to the group. I can somewhat understand Tia’s frustration — despite overselling the Nigerian royalty bit, she has, for the most part, been sharing her personal life on camera, warts and all, and is frustrated that Stacey won’t do the same. But Keiarna is getting irate on Monique’s behalf when there is absolutely no indication that Monique would even care or be bothered by this at all, and as a result, Stacey dealt with her accordingly. Keiarna may be a breathtaking beauty, but she was not prepared to step into the ring for a war of words with the Detroit Barbie. Stacey cheekily telling K that “the only time you get heated is about me” was a nice little jab, but when K tried to counter by saying “I would never leave my husband around you,” Stacey had no choice but to hit her with the uppercut: “You don’t have one.” I’m excited to see Keiarna finally show up this season, as I prefer a beautiful bitch on wheels to a sedate one, but unfortunately, she still came up short this time around. See you all next week!

• The more Angel carries on about her imagined issue with Wendy, the less rational she sounds. Her husband can’t even pretend to be bothered about this nothingburger of an issue on his wife’s behalf. Every time she insists that Wendy somehow betrayed her more than Gizelle by defining what a catfish is, a clown nose starts to sprout on her face spontaneously. Wendy and Gizelle were indeed being messy and mean, but nothing about that warranted the weeks-long spiral our WAG has been going through.

• Wendy was really rocking the finger waves! It’s such a shame that her best season to date is coming on the heels of what we know to be a precipitous downfall. (Yes, yes, I know she gave a gracious showing at BravoCon and had a generally good reception, but when your local paper is reporting claims of alleged aliases and over 40 credit cards, there is clearly still a long road ahead.)

• When it comes to crossover moments, I allow/overlook them if they make sense for the show and the groups’ connections. The Vanderpump Boys on Summer House, sure, whatever, they basically helped launch that franchise. Cynthia making a guest appearance on any franchise she wants is fine because I appreciate any excuse to swoon over her cheekbones. Bringing in competitors from the Love Hotel, however, is where I have to draw the line. I’m sure Wale is a lovely man, but this isn’t Marvel, and I’m not about to start watching three other franchises just to understand what is on my TV screens. I already have to monitor the subreddits like a hawk!

• At this point, “What is GNA” could be a Jeopardy category. We have gone from clothing line to wellness brand to events promotion to philanthropy, and now we’re making floats. Many companies do PRIDE floats, but they are usually selling something. What, pray tell, is GNA selling? I still have no clue.

• Ten million downloads on Reasonably Shady? Y’all are really listening to that podcast? Color me shocked.

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