While the plan was always to get back into their own place 15 minutes down the road fairly quickly, life had other ideas – a year on, Hayley, 45, Josh, 35, and their boys are still living on the family farm.
Hayley’s two boys, Raven, 3, and Kingston, 18. Photo / Babiche Martens
But what could have been a setback has instead become something very special.
Hayley says, “It’s actually been a really beautiful thing for all of us living together. The boys get this amazing time with their grandparents, and we’re surrounded by love and support.”
Hayley is no stranger to the concept of reinvention. Since finding fame in 2006 as a dancer (and later judge) on Dancing With The Stars, the former professional snowboarder has also been a More FM radio host, presenter on Breakfast and The Crowd Goes Wild, plus a 1News sports reporter.
She even dabbled in politics as a Green Party candidate in 2017, so it’s perhaps unsurprising when she finished up at TVNZ last year, instead of despairing, she felt excited about the future.
“I know it sounds a bit weird, but I actually like change,” she tells. “I think it’s good for us.”
And Hayley was thrilled to land a job in sales with a fleet management company. While she loved the people and the new challenge of the role, juggling full-time work and a long commute with two young kids proved tougher than expected. After much soul-searching, she made the tough decision to walk away.
A long commute with two young kids proved tougher than expected. Photo / Babiche Martens
“It just wasn’t working for our family and I had to admit to myself I had a limit,” Hayley explains. “I couldn’t actually do it. The boys were missing me, Josh and I were stressed out because everyone was so stretched, and we realised that to make it work, we’d have to put the boys in full-time daycare, with extra childcare around the edges. It just made absolutely no sense. It was like, ‘What’s the point?’”
Now tradesman Josh has upped his work hours, and the family is staying on with Robin and Murray until Hayley finds a job that works alongside motherhood. While living with her parents isn’t always easy – Hayley is keenly aware just how demanding life can be for her parents with two toddlers in the house – there are special moments every day that make it worthwhile. The kids adore their grandparents and vice versa.
“The boys’ relationship with my parents is a blessing,” Hayley shares. “They go upstairs and open Nanny’s door every morning, and she has toys up there for them to play with. Kingston sits on Dad’s four-wheeler and waits for Poppa to take him for a joy ride. They’re just in their element here and I feel so, so grateful.”
Hayley says the boys’ relationship with her parents is a blessing. Photo / Babiche Martens
Hayley recalls a moment recently where Raven insisted on adding Nanny and Poppa’s names to a Christmas trinket he was making at daycare.
“He was the only one who had his grandparents included on it, and my mum and dad were so proud,” she beams. “It was super cute.”
But this Christmas, Hayley jokes she’s giving her parents the best gift possible – some peace and quiet! Hayley, Josh, Raven and Kingston will head to Taupō on December 23 for a week. The nearby community of Hatepe is an incredibly special place for Josh, who is of Ngāti Tūwharetoa and Ngāpuhi descent.
“It’s where lots of his whānau are and where he feels most at home,” reflects Hayley, who has grown to love it too. She reckons it’s incredibly special seeing their boys with all their aunts, uncles and cousins.
“We have so much fun down there – it’s right on the lake, so there’s lots of swimming, relaxing and catching up. It’s pretty special.”
It’s incredibly special for Hayley to see her boys with all their aunts, uncles and cousins. Photo / Babiche Martens
At 3, Raven has just reached the age where the holidays are a big deal. He’s been talking about Santa a lot. Every time he sees a Christmas tree, he says, “Look at that beautiful tree!”
Hayley is excited about watching her boys open their stockings on Christmas morning, before they join the wider family at Josh’s sister’s home in Hatepe. Christmas Day will be a big, fun affair with a potluck lunch that everyone contributes to.
Last year, Hayley made apricot balls, something her mum always made at Christmas, but she confesses they weren’t the most popular item on the buffet table.
Laughing, she recalls, “Josh was like, ‘What are these?!’ and I have to admit no one seemed that keen on them, except for Josh’s mum. She ate them, but I think she was trying to be nice. Maybe I’ll make a trifle this year.”
In a quiet moment during their holiday, Hayley and Josh will bury the placentas of Raven and Kingston under the same tree at Hatepe where Frankie Tai is, their big brother who was stillborn in April 2020. Frankie remains an important part of their family story and one they openly share with their boys.
Finding moments of joy amid the chaos of motherhood is something she’s exploring in her podcast. Photo / Babiche Martens
“I’m not sure how much they understand,” admits Hayley, who says his loss makes sons Raven and Kingston even more precious. “But we talk about our guardian angel Frankie and they definitely know how special he is.”
Finding moments of joy amid the chaos of motherhood is something she’s exploring in the It’s Totally Fine podcast, alongside Sharyn and Lana, who were brought together by Sports Cafe creator Ric Salizzo. While she didn’t know Sharyn and Lana before, she says they’ve well and truly hit it off.
“We’re still finding our feet, but it’s been so fun and we’re getting great feedback,” she tells. “We hope it’ll resonate with other women like us – mums who are paddling furiously beneath the water to keep everything going but insisting that everything’s totally fine! We want people to come away from an episode feeling like you do after a good catch-up and laugh with your friends.”
As for what comes next professionally, Hayley is open-minded. She dreams of creating a communal living village or food forest on her parents’ land, though she’s certainly not ruling out another broadcasting role if the right opportunity arises. Whatever the future holds, she knows one thing for sure.
“I don’t need a lot to be happy,” she enthuses. “As long as I have Josh and the boys, I’m good. We’re so lucky.”
After everything they’ve been through, Hayley says her relationship with Josh continues to grow stronger.
“Watching him with the boys teaches me so much about being present and not overthinking everything,” she reflects. “Life might feel uncertain at times, but it’s also full of joy and really, that’s what matters most.”