DEAR ERIC: When my dad passed away, with my mother already gone, it took my brother seven years to settle his estate.

He was living in dad’s house and not in any hurry. I spoke to him several times trying to encourage him to get it done. But nothing worked. So, I finally got a lawyer’s help. It worked and now he will not talk to me. Was I wrong in thinking it took too long?

– Estate Dilemma

DEAR ESTATE: Seven years is too long, especially if, as it sounds, your brother hadn’t even started. It would be one thing if the estate was complicated in some way and the process got caught up in legal red tape. But that doesn’t seem to be the case here.

People process death and the legal requirements around it in different ways. There is no standard timetable for grief, for instance, nor should there be. So, it’s helpful to approach loved ones with grace and compassion. But, if I’m reading between the lines in your letter correctly, it also sounds like your brother’s delay may have been intentional and more focused on keeping the house. This isn’t fair.

His feelings may be bruised, or he may be smarting from getting caught. But those feelings are his to work through. You did the right thing by involving a third party with no personal stake in the process (beyond the fee) and expertise in the field. While there is, obviously, a personal impact to the settling of an estate, this didn’t need to be a personal conflict. By seeking help, you did your best to keep it a legal matter, which is what should be.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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