“I love you! We’ve got the same vibe and we hate the same people!” Gia squeals, hugging Bec like they’re reuniting after war.
Their targets? Alissa and Stella.
They pledge to take these two women down tonight.
“Let’s have a conversation – that’s what we’re gonna do. We’re ladies – we have conversations, we don’t fire up,” Bec says.
Cut to this civilised conversation in five, four, three, two …
“Surprise, bitches!” Brook yells, strutting into the warehouse after quitting the experiment and disappearing in the dark of night.
Gia and Bec welcome her into their clique and they immediately get to work.
“I just wanna know, Stella, what is your problem with me?” Brook spits at her rival, demanding to know why she dobbed her in to the experts at Sunday’s commitment ceremony. “You called me out in front of everyone and the experts, making me out to look like a bad person.”
Oh, Brook. It’s not Stella who makes you look like a bad person. You do that all on your own.
“I’m not calling you out in front of a whole circle of people,” she says, while calling Stella out in front of a whole circle of people.
Stella sits in silence, refusing to bite back. Her calm maturity only agitates Brook, who continues to unravel.
“I just think you’re f***in’ dumb!” Brook snarls. “Ya know what, babe? I think you’re a very rude bitch.”
Just days after proudly dubbing herself a “girl’s girl” who won’t tolerate anyone who “tears girls down”, Brook is now behaving more poorly than the men she claims to rail against.
Her insults get more petty and cruel. Of course, she prefaces every jab with the passive-aggressive exclamation of “baaaabe!”. She eventually zones in on Stella’s thigh-high boots.
If Brook thinks Stella is shaking in her Target stripper boots, she’s sadly mistaken.
“Babe, take ya stripper boots off! Babe, get the stripper boots off!” she drawls. “Ya know, if ya gonna buy stripper boots, buy 100% lamb – don’t buy faux leather! Seriously, where’d ya get ‘em from? Target?”
Fellow mean girl Gia cackles at the insult and gives a round of applause.
Alissa scrunches her face and sighs. “Excuse me, that’s not nice.”
This disapproval only draws the ire of the mean girls, who then turn their focus to the peppy blonde wife.
“SHUT UP ALISSA, YOU RATCHET IDIOT!” Brook screams.
“Yeah, roll your eyes! That’s why everyone hates you! That’s why we don’t like you!” Gia heckles. “Babe, take ya hair extensions out and chill!”
Now seems like an appropriate time to remind everyone that Gia is a disability support worker and mother to a young daughter.
Alissa tries to remove herself from the drama. “I’m done with your bullying.”
This prompts Bec – who’s buzzing with excitement at the fact the mean girls allowed her into their fold – to start slurring offensive nothings.
“Aaaaargh! SHUT UP! AAAARRRRGHHHH!” she blabbers.
YOU’RE GROWN WOMEN!
Alissa politely asks the meanies to leave her alone.
Of course, Brook has a response ready to roll: “Ya f***in’ lame bitch!”
Not even the scary girl gangs of Maroubra could bring these ladies down.
It’s around now the husbands have to step in and stop Brook from throwing a bread roll at Alissa. Naturally, Brook aims her vitriol at Danny.
“Hey! Temu Connor McGregor! Shut ya mouth!” she mocks.
But it’s not just stale jokes about Temu that Brook whips out. She claims to know a secret about Danny that has the power to destroy his relationship with Bec. But maybe Brook won’t reveal it – especially given Bec is now in her clique?
… Nah.
Okay, Temu Regina George.
The secret spills. Danny allegedly told Gia on the weekend that she’s the kinda girl he’d be attracted to in the outside world.
It plays into all Bec’s insecurities about Danny not being attracted to her and the paranoia she has about her husband perving on sexy imaginary pedestrians. This short-lived mean girls clique is immediately fractured.
Bec slams the table with her palm and howls.
“NOOOO! You are not coming for my husband! Don’t you even f***ing dare! Don’t! Don’t!” she growls at her frenemies before running out of the warehouse.
A refrain of “I’m done! I’m done!” echoes down the hallway.
The only silver lining? The bread rolls survived.
Married At First Sight Australia screens Sundays to Wednesdays on Three and Three Now.