Secret savings felt safer than another fight about money.

Anthony wrote to “The Ramsey Show” that he quietly increased his retirement contributions, diverting $65 from each paycheck into an online investing platform because his wife believes “debt is normal.”

He admitted the deception was wrong but said he felt stuck. The Minnesota resident’s frustration  prompted hosts John Delony and Dave Ramsey to respond bluntly.

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Anthony wrote that he wants to tackle their debt more aggressively but cannot persuade his wife to be more frugal. He said lying to provide for his family “hurts” and asked what to do next.

“Stop lying,” Delony said. “This is not a money situation. This is something that’s deeper than this.” He urged Anthony and his wife to sit down with a trusted mediator, such as a marriage counselor, pastor or a trustworthy friend, for a direct, truth-telling conversation about their relationship.

Ramsey agreed and said the situation is not tolerable. He said the secrecy reflects passivity and warned that avoiding conflict now creates a bigger problem later. Instead of quietly moving money around, he said Anthony needs to confront the issue directly and decide what he is willing to accept.

“No more,” Ramsey said.

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He said Anthony should look his wife in the eye and refuse to continue living “broke to broke to broke and in debt our whole lives.”

He also said Anthony must have an “or what?” moment — meaning he must decide what happens if she refuses to change rather than continuing to postpone an inevitable confrontation.

Delony told Anthony the couple is not ready to build a future together if the foundation of the marriage is cracked. Ramsey warned that slipping around with separate accounts will “slowly drown” a marriage and urged putting everything on the table.

Delony said that hiding, lying, stealing or cheating does not help a marriage, even when someone believes they are protecting their family. “We’re going to do what it takes to win,” Ramsey said.

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As Anthony considers next steps, working with a financial advisor could provide a structured way to review debt, savings and long-term plans.