Hawke’s Bay is small, so sometimes they’d bump into each other at a cafe or in the airport departure lounge and it was always lovely to catch up. But what Joanne didn’t know that day in July 2025 was that Paul, 54, had been carrying her plight close to his heart.
Joanne with her kids, Peter, Esther, Lucy, Oliver and Jonathan. Photo / Suzy Gasson
“I’d read an article online about Jo losing Brett and I felt for her,” says Paul, who also has a strong Christian faith. “I wanted to do something to help.” So he did.
Paul had entered and won a weight-loss challenge at his workplace, Hastings District Council, and instead of spending the winnings on himself, he chose to purchase supermarket vouchers for Jo.
“I messaged to arrange how to get everything to her and Jo explained how hard it was to meet for coffee with five little ones, so asked if I wanted to drop by the house,” he tells.
Which is how Paul got welcomed into Joanne’s home on a day where she happened to be toilet training not one or even two, but four toddlers at once.
“It was a procession of potties,” laughs Paul.
Joanne says that having raised three kids of his own, now all in their twenties, Paul was “totally unfazed”.
Glancing at her new love, she tells, “He took it all in his stride. We’re a busy household and you just have to go with the flow, which was no problem for Paul.”
Paul confides that although his intentions that day were nothing but platonic, seeing Joanne again stirred something within him.
Faith was pushing Paul into Joanne’s orbit. Photo / Suzy Gasson
“It had been a number of years since we’d caught up, and I remember thinking about what she had been through, and reflecting on her strength of character and faith in God,” he says. “Her sense of calm was so admirable and I began feeling something for her that caught me by surprise.”
Starting to text more regularly, one weekend, Joanne invited Paul to accompany her and the children to the Napier Aquarium. That turned out to be the beginning of a blossoming romance. Which was exactly what Joanne had been hoping for.
“In the year after Brett passed, I’d done a lot of work on myself and started thinking about my future,” she tells. “As much as I love my kids, I knew I didn’t want to continue raising them on my own. But I also wondered how on earth I’d ever meet anyone new when my weeks were absolutely full and I spent the weekends exhausted.
“So I prayed – I prayed with Peter for a new daddy and for myself that I might meet someone. And that someone would need to literally walk up to my front door.”
Faith was also pushing Paul into Joanne’s orbit, she says.
“God had put the same thought into Paul’s heart at the perfect moment. Honestly, if he’d come for that initial visit even a few weeks earlier, the timing would not have been right for me mentally.”
The children seem just as besotted with Paul. Photo / Suzy Gasson
With Paul in her life, Joanne – who works for “hugely supportive” software firm Technology One – says the load began to lift.
“I’d feel excited about weekends again and our time as a couple. We don’t believe in living together, so Paul maintains his home, and me and the kids are in ours.”
And the children seem just as besotted with Paul.
He reflects, “The first day we met, Peter climbed straight on my lap with a book. It just seemed easy and natural. When I turn up at Jo’s, Lucy will take a flying leap into my arms.”
It’s an enormous undertaking to be in a relationship with someone who comes as a package of six, but Paul sees it as a blessing.
“Jo made it clear from the start that she wasn’t interested in casual dating, and that any relationship needed to be intentional and lead to marriage,” he says. “That meant having some very open and honest conversations about family life from day one.”
After six months of dating, Paul asked Joanne’s dad for permission to wed. The two men were moving a pile of firewood and, during a break, perched on some logs to chat. Paul explained how things had progressed, and that he wanted to be with Joanne and the children forever.
Paul presented his love with a beautiful ring set with four diamonds. Photo / Suzy Gasson
“He had some questions,” admits Paul, “but he could also see how we were around each other and how settled the kids were, and he gave his blessing.”
A romantic vineyard dinner and heartfelt proposal on the beach at Bay View in Napier – where Paul presented his love with a beautiful ring set with four diamonds – followed.
The next day, Joanne had news for the kids.
“I said, ‘How would you like my friend Paul to be your new daddy?’ Peter was ecstatic. But my heart broke when Oliver asked, ‘What’s a daddy?’ The quads were only a year old when Brett died. They don’t remember him. I’ve explained that Paul is special to me and that you can have more than one daddy.”
The pair will pledge their vows in July. But it’s what comes after that they’re looking forward to most. Paul will move into the family home, and they’ll begin their lives as husband, wife and “Daddy number two”.
Brett is still very much a part of the family – there are photos dotted around Joanne’s home, constant chatter from Peter about the things they used to do together, and cake and candles on Brett’s birthday.
“I have prepared the children’s hearts for this,” says Joanne. “And I’m so excited. I’m looking forward to the little things, really – taking a walk together, debriefing at the end of the day and just normal daily activities. I can’t wait to do life with Paul.”