Miss Behavior
Season 3
Episode 8
Editor’s Rating
3 stars
***
Photo: Griffin Nagel/Bravo
Psst, Nia … blink twice if you’re okay. Let’s distract Danny with an alpha-male podcast so we can really talk. It’s time for a Destiny’s Child “Girl” music-video moment — except we don’t need you to take a minute and come sit down to tell us what’s been happening. We’ve seen quite enough. We’re past the point of the benefit of the doubt or “giving grace” for Danny’s drinking problem. He’s now risen to the top of the ranks of the nefarious Bravo Boys Club, with his actions in San Diego skyrocketing him past the likes of Joe Gorga, Craig Conover, and West Wilson.
As Danny and Lala’s argument continues, Lala dislodges a dam that Nia holds up with sheer will and determination to maintain appearances. Lala says all the things Nia wishes she could, bluntly calling out Danny’s disrespect instead of using the clipped therapy speak Nia often invokes that makes you wonder if Danny is her husband or her fifth child. Unlike Nia, Lala has no qualms about bucking her chest out at an opponent regardless of their gender, making her an addition to The Valley I didn’t know we needed. Lala’s righteousness completely shatters the fortress that the Sanchez-Booko family worked very hard to build to protect their family and faith, using age-old tactics like requiring all potentially uncomfortable or damning conversations to occur in private, without any witnesses.
This secretive “keep it behind closed doors” deflection technique may work on Danny and Nia’s church circles (I can almost hear the voice of some male megachurch pastor “counseling” them, saying these are normal ups and downs they should navigate through prayer). Still, it doesn’t work in reality TV, where the opposite happens — the more a couple refuses to engage with their real shit on camera, the more viewers can sniff out toxic patterns. For a moment, Danny and Nia got away with it by shunning those who dared to open their mouths to critique his drunken behavior, though this was short lived as Lala entered the cast like a wrecking ball. Lala, who has sober eyes and a brazen gall that’s characteristic of her personality, can’t physically sit by in silence while Danny berates his wife.
After finally putting Danny in his place — she clearly expresses her position, telling him he’s “got the wrong one” — Lala retreats to her bedroom. She downloads Zach and Brittany on what happened, amazingly referring to Danny as Polly Pocket. Nia continues to try to defuse her hot-headed husband with more coddling therapy speak, telling him, “I can tell you shifted your energy, and I appreciate it,” to which he responds, “Don’t talk to me like that.” Well, that’s rich, coming after an argument caused by his tone of voice with her. However, that’s the crux of the matter, isn’t it? Danny doesn’t think the way he speaks to Nia is an issue; he thinks it’s the natural order of things, so of course when the roles reverse she’s disturbing the hierarchy of their household. The same goes for his interactions with Lala: He doesn’t care that his behavior is wrong, but he believes a woman calling him out on it is. I wonder what would’ve happened if Jesse spoke up in the moment, though, asking a Bravo man to call out his bro for mistreating women is like asking a dog not to bark. It isn’t in their nature.
But as all great drag performers know, the show must go on, and with Lala and Danny at an impasse, and Nia determined to make the best, The Valley puts on its first-ever cross-dressing pageant. It pales in comparison to The VPR boys getting in drag for Schwartz’s bachelor trip, but my goodness, do we need the levity. In a dress, Tom Schwartz still looks, as Dame Moylan put it, like “a melted Courtney Love” except this time a middle-aged version with a debilitating astigmatism. Jesse gives Toddlers and Tiaras reject, while Luke glamorously slinks in like he found Nicole Kidman’s Practical Magic wig in a dumpster. Zack somehow looks like he’s doing Susan Sarandon drag with the red lip and ample cleavage from his breastplate. No comments about Danny. Surprising no one, except maybe Zack, Luke wins the competition as he makes a stunning woman. Kaia should be proud!
After the pageant, Nia pulls her husband aside to try to wrap up their argument in a neat bow, hoping production and her co-stars will move on and write it off as average marital woes. Unfortunately, Danny has officially descended to the dark side after copious amounts of drinks, and what follows is an awkward negotiation of apologies as Nia tries to save face, knowing her husband is wrong but not wanting to disrespect his masculinity as he asks her to “give him a break.” Meanwhile, Lala checks in with the girls about what she witnessed. Michelle clocks it correctly. She notes that Lala isn’t the only one who’s felt uncomfortable with Danny’s behavior, but the cast is afraid to stand up to him for fear of retribution.
Nia ends the night without an apology, instead getting more of the wrath of Darkside Danny as he chastises her for their conversation while she tries to get him out of drag. He continuously snarls, “I can’t believe you said that shit!” with “that shit” being her feelings. Nia reminds him that they’re mic’d, which is a tell that she’s very conscious of the impression his words make when cameras catch them. She starts talking to him like a baby, saying he’s tired and had a long day, before herding him back to their quarters as he continuously tells her to de-mic, presumably so he can be his true self. I’d hate to hear what happened in their room once production wrapped.
The next morning, Danny apologizes to Nia, blaming the alcohol. However, when it’s time to make amends with Lala, the inebriated excuse won’t fly, although, as a consciously sober person, Lala sympathizes, noting that some people turn into a different person after one too many drinks. I get what she’s saying, but wasn’t Danny sober when he was snapping at Nia on the first day of the trip? At some point, he must be responsible for his words, whether exacerbated by alcohol or not. I highly doubt sobriety would turn him into a model husband … but he still needs to consider it. Regardless, Lala tries to check in about his relationship with drinking, and Danny shuts her down, saying in his confessional that they don’t know each other like that. Well, you knew her well enough to mock her triggers, so maybe be happy she’s taking the high road.
Before the gang makes it back to Los Angeles, Janet tries once again to move forward with Nia. For Janet, it’s another calculated attempt to manufacture a redemption arc; she speaks in an annoyingly soft, calm voice, willing herself to be demure and likable, yielding a result that’s even more boring than her normal personality. Not only is it disingenuous to what we know Janet wishes she could say, but it highlights why Lala’s presence is necessary (I never thought I would say such a thing). After years on Vanderpump Rules, Lala is much more immune to the fans and her cast members’ reactions, unafraid to be the villain in someone’s story if it means building the narrative. This zeal makes her an apt person to bring the Danny situation to the surface, because other dissenters like Janet, Brittany, and Jasmine clearly fear coming off as dislikeable to the masses.
But what’s even more interesting about the Nia and Janet sit-down is how Nia can perfectly articulate that she’s not accepting Janet back into her life because of Janet’s pattern of behavior. Yet, she struggles when people point out her husband’s pattern of behavior. She complains that Janet’s apology feels “fully planned out,” without any “deep understanding of the hurt that she’s caused.” Hmmm, sounds like another “apology” we witnessed tonight. Sure, Nia is allowed to have different standards of forgiveness for her friends than for her children’s father, but at what cost? I can’t help but wonder what her daughters will experience if Danny and Nia continue to hoard their relationship woes, waiting until they can hide behind the doors of their family home to explode, especially when, in this same episode, Brittany talks about the leaps and bounds Cruz has made developmentally now that he isn’t privy to the constant fighting. Obviously, the two relationships are vastly different, but every child deserves to see their mother loved and respected … in public and in private.
As the dust settles on the San Diego trip, and Jason heals from injuring his knee during a basketball session (I keep forgetting Jason exists, but Schwartz got a laugh out of me for immediately filming him as he was lying on the ground), Lala goes to lunch with Zack, Kristen, and Brittany to debrief. She steers the conversation toward the disturbing things she witnessed, but Kristen pushes back, saying Danny and Nia just prefer to hash it out in private, which she actually admires. Kristen goes on to say in her confessional, “You don’t air your dirty laundry.”
Kristen, you should know better than anyone that the backbone of reality TV is finding and airing the most soiled laundry you have. Beyond that, berating your spouse in public to the point of other women’s discomfort isn’t “dirty laundry,” it’s a character flaw. Strangely, Zack turns the conversation into how Brittany doesn’t like Nia, which is really neither here nor there, but clearly Zack wanted to get this off his chest. Either way, based on the entire cast’s reaction to Lala consistently calling out Danny’s behavior, it’s apparent that everyone knows more about the dark side of that relationship than they’re letting on. And if we know anything about Lala, she’s not letting go of this any time soon, and thank goodness for that.
Sign up for the Housewives Institute Bulletin
Dame Brian Moylan breaks down all the gossip and drama, on- and off-screen, for dedicated students of the Reality Television Arts and Sciences.
Vox Media, LLC Terms and Privacy Notice