How do you wake up?
I usually wake up between 5.30 and 8am. If I’ve slept all the night through, I’m as chuffed as anything (it’s not a common occurrence). The alarm is usually set on my phone but I usually, depressedly, wake a minute before it goes off. And my life schedule is all over the place. Sometimes I don’t have work all day, sometimes I’ve got to be on a TV set at 6am. So, there’s no routine. If I wake up really early I love me a 10am nap.
Sainsbury and his cat, Ross.
Does your partner share your routine?
No way, he’s a night owl who can stay up very late but struggles getting up in the morning.
Do you make your bed every day?
Look, I endeavour to. And think it’s good to, but we don’t. And I’m eternally debating whether to use a top sheet or just commando the duvet.
Tell us about your breakfast
As with most of my life it’s all over the place. Coffee usually. Then, most often, leftover dinner or peanut butter with anything – toast, apples, celery. And hummus. There’s no regular porridge or cereal. I wish I was that person but I’m not. This morning I had left-over soup made with oxalis (wood sorrel) from the garden. And now I’m reading if too much oxalis is poisonous. It is a weed but it’s edible. In low quantities.
Do you have a morning workout routine?
I’m all over the place. Sometimes it’s down to Jetts Gym for a full workout. Sometimes it’s a half-hour walk around the block. Sometimes it’s wallowing in bed feeling sorry for myself.
What other self-care do you do in the morning?
When I’m being good, I do my Buddhist chanting. Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo. I’ve been a practicing Buddhist for 18 years now but my diligence comes in fits and spurts.
Sainsbury usually wakes up just before his alarm goes off.
What is your shower/skin care routine in the morning?
I use soap. And a lot of it. I’m sorry about it. I’m a naturally greasy person so use it on my face and body. And then try and counteract it with active Vitamin C moisturiser.
How do you decide what to wear each day?
Just whatever is clean. If I have to go fancy, I’ve got two shirts and three different trousers that I feel okay in. So they get hurriedly ironed in the morning. But if I don’t have to impress anyone it’s whatever shorts, t-shirts and hoodies are on top of the pile.
How much time do you spend on your phone in the morning?
Too much. Doom scrolling. Comedy scrolling – I follow some absolutely hilarious comedians on Instagram. And cat videos or baby animal videos. And also the news. But it’s too all-consuming.
How do you get to work?
We live in deep suburbia now so there’s no more casual walking into town. I drive a lot – apologies. But I also take the bus. It’s a very straight-forward route and it’s brilliant for people watching.
How consistent are you with this routine?
There is no routine. My life is routine-less. Every day there’s a new element. The only thing I do regularly is procrastinate.
Tom Sainsbury’s Small Town Scandal podcast is now a TV series.
How long have you stuck to this routine?
I wonder if my life would improve if there was a routine. Every night I go to bed with the whimsical wish that I’ll wake up with motivation and discipline I’ve never expressed in my life up to that point.
Is your routine the same on weekends as it is on weekdays?
All the same. I’ll tell you what’s stressful, though, usually I’m working on a Saturday and/or Sunday and then Monday is my day off. But it’s not for anyone else. And an early Monday morning email or phone call is a legitimate jump scare.
What is your one non-negotiable each morning?
Only non-negotiable is a shower. I feel so gross leaving the house without a thorough clean. Strip that body of any grime or grease.
What do you do the night before to make your morning routine easier?
It’s quite the opposite. I do a lot to sabotage it. Stay up way too late. Don’t do any prep and set my alarm fifteen minutes earlier hoping I’ll be motivated to do it then but end up having a broken sleep worrying about ironing one of my two good shirts. Eating too much just before bed to give me digestion problems throughout the night. That sort of thing.
See Tom Sainsbury in Dynamotion’s new show Sharp Teeth, on from July 21–25 at Q Theatre. Book at qtheatre.co.nz He also headlines Laughs on Tour in Wellington on August 6-8 at various locations. Book tickets now at eventfinda.co.nz