Two-thirds of Hawke’s Bay people affected by family violence, survey finds

“I guess it’s trauma bonding because, when you go through something like that, you just click instantly. We were there to support each other.”

At the time, fear of judgment had almost stopped her from seeking help.

“Heaps of women still, to this day, won’t reach out because they feel like it’s their fault.”

Her experience was one of many reflected in the results of a stark new Hawke’s Bay survey.

It revealed 66% of people in the region had either experienced family violence themselves, or knew someone close to them who had.

Commissioned by Family VIP Services and conducted independently by SIL Research between October 2025 and February 2026, the survey found emotional abuse and coercive control were reported even more commonly than physical violence.

Shame and stigma were identified as the biggest barriers to getting help, followed by fear of losing children or housing, fear of not being believed, and lack of trust in services.

Family VIP services business manager Julie Hart said the findings reflected what frontline workers across Hawke’s Bay were seeing every day.

“Family violence is often far more complex and hidden than people realise.

“Coercive control, emotional abuse, intimidation and fear can exist long before physical violence occurs, and many people still don’t recognise those behaviours for what they are.”

The survey suggested common warning signs included emotional and psychological changes, isolation and restricted contact, fearful, controlled or manipulative behaviour, verbal abuse, intimidation, and financial abuse or dependence.

Hart said many people also believed seeking help automatically meant leaving immediately, losing custody of children, or having nowhere safe to go.

“One of the biggest things we hear is fear of what happens next.

“People worry about losing housing, financial stability, or how they will support their children.

“Often they don’t realise support can start with a conversation, safety planning, advocacy, or simply understanding their options.”

Another Hawke’s Bay victim said she sought help after violence escalated in a long-term relationship she had been in since she was a teenager.

“We have five beautiful children, but then alcohol got involved, drugs got involved, and violence started.”

She was reluctant to seek support from her family, fearing judgment at a time when she was already dealing with trauma.

Women’s Refuge advocates helped her access clothing and food grants, and guided her through the practical steps of starting again.

“When me and my babies arrived, we were scared,” she said.

“They were just so supportive, made me feel so comfortable and not judged.

“She just asked me what support I needed, and I told her. We sat down, wrote everything down, and she just said that we’ll tick it off one by one.”

The woman wanted others experiencing family violence to know help was available.

“Find the strength and make that call for you and your babies,” she said.

“The women here at the Women’s Refuge are just amazing. They are just like my new little family.”

Family VIP Services provides confidential support, safety planning, advocacy, practical assistance, referrals and emergency safe house accommodation for women and children in Hastings and Napier.

How to get help

If you’re in danger now:

Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you.Run outside and head for where there are other people. Scream for help so your neighbours can hear you.Take the children with you. Don’t stop to get anything else.If you are being abused, remember it’s not your fault. Violence is never okay.

Where to go for help or more information

Women’s Refuge: Crisis line – 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 (available 24/7)Shine: Helpline – 0508 744 633 (available 24/7)It’s Not OK: Family violence information line – 0800 456 450Shakti: Specialist services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and children.Crisis line – 0800 742 584 (available 24/7)Te Kupenga Whakaoti Mahi Patunga: National Network of Family Violence ServicesWhite Ribbon: Aiming to eliminate men’s violence towards women.