Before he jets off, the Tāmaki Makaurau couple share their plans, why kids aren’t on the cards and dog Margot’s madness for the Herald series “How we make it work”.
The couple recently adopted a rescue dog named Margot. Photo / Supplied
Chris Parker, 35, comedian
We met on Tinder 11 years ago, and at this rate, Tinder should be paying us for the publicity.
Our first date was at Late Night Diner (RIP), and we had milkshakes and went on a walk, which ended outside a Barfoot & Thompson real estate [office] where we laughed and made snide remarks about ugly houses and their terrible styling. Nothing has really changed.
My first impression was immediate and not subtle: “This is the hottest man I’ve ever laid eyes on” and “My God, is he smart”. It felt unfair, frankly, that someone could have both.
I made the first move after watching a Victoria Beckham 73 Questions Vogue interview together. Since then, Micheal has made every next move: moving in together, the proposal, all of it. I did suggest the dog, though.
We got married in 2022 at The Hollywood cinema in Avondale. It was a wedding that was so perfect it got a write-up in Vogue (Australia, and online only, but still!). All the amazing styling came from Micheal’s perfect taste, but I suggested the oysters on arrival, which, you know, counts for something.
The couple exchanged vows at The Hollywood in Avondale.
We entered the relationship assuming kids were probably off the table, because, well, it wasn’t going to happen by accident. So we started from “I guess kids are out of the question”, and have always checked in with each other over the years to see if anything’s changed.
Being gay means you see things like marriage, home life and kids through a different lens.
Margot, our dog, has been the perfect size challenge for us. She’s terribly anxious and also a real b**** with other dogs. So, it’s been a bit of a full-on life adjustment that has changed how we live our lives. It’s been a fun challenge that we have totally brought upon ourselves, and we don’t regret it at all.
But we love to throw money at our problems; for Margot, it’s been in the form of a dog trainer. But in all seriousness, no matter what a couple faces, leaning on your wider community makes all the difference. Friends and family have helped us through a lot.
Finding time for each other is quite easy – we don’t have kids, and my job is comedy, so I’m never stuck at the office. If anything, we work harder at finding time away from each other. Our version of romance is a weekend meander through the city, picking up various homeware items and then not buying them. We luxuriate at cafes, holding on to Margot as she goes feral at every dog that passes by. Bliss.
“If anyone wants to dog-sit a high-maintenance dog for a week or so, Micheal and I would love to explore Thailand.”
When it comes to arguments, we go quiet and internalise it. Working out the arguments quietly in our heads. And then we calmly and rationally talk it all through with each other. We’ve never raised our voices at each other.
It feels impossible to reduce the love of my life down to “the best things”, because he is the best thing about my life. Saying “his humour” feels almost trivial, but it’s true. He’s always been so cheeky – he warned me on that first date. And it’s been 11 years of him making life fun and silly with that cheeky outlook.
As for what’s next: if anyone wants to dog-sit a high-maintenance dog for a week or so, Micheal and I would love to travel and explore Thailand.
“My first impression was immediate and not subtle: ‘This is the hottest man I’ve ever laid eyes on’,” Parker says.
Micheal McCabe, 32, designer and lecturer
Everyone tells you your wedding will be the best day of your life. It is, although I’ll admit it’s a close call with the time Chris and I had banana fritters in Vietnam.
What people don’t warn you about is how you cry until there is absolutely nothing left in you: I’m a Capricorn with huge feelings. But it was also the most present I’ve ever been in my life. We designed the day to bring our worlds together over a huge dinner. There were speeches, vows, films (two) and readings between each course.
Not everything has been smooth. During lockdown, there was a stretch where I didn’t leave the house for 35 days. It wasn’t a good time for me, but then again, it wasn’t really a good time for anyone. Chris has this infinite generosity, though, and it gets us through a lot.
Our day-to-day life is pretty shared: morning coffee, walking the dog, overhearing each other’s work calls in our one-bedroom apartment.
When we’re apart, if Chris is on tour or I’m deep in a project, it becomes a lot of voice memos sent throughout the day. Chris’ manager even added me to his work calendar.
“It’s been 11 years of him making life fun and silly with that cheeky outlook,” Parker says of McCabe.
We’ve never really had a full-blown argument. I’m actually quite a fiery person, but over time Chris has evened out my spikes. If a friend is having a hard time, I come in swinging, and Chris sees it more diplomatically.
When something does come up between the two of us, we take a moment, sit quietly with it, and let the tension settle. Once I can let go of the instinct to “win” (seven years of debating will do that to you), we just talk directly and then move on.
Over the years, we’ve grown together; despite that, we have also been able to maintain the things that make us who we are. For me, it’s knowing where I end and Chris begins.
We decided early on that kids weren’t for us. Sharing a dog has brought us infinite joy, but Margot is where it ends.
Chris Parker’s Take a Good Hard Look at Me New Zealand Tour begins in Wellington on September 4 before heading to Christchurch on September 5 and finishing in Auckland on September 11 and 12.