‘The arms race of beautification’: The social media images fuelling self-doubt

Jane Phare’s first ball dress, made from a sensible winter material.

Professor Kirsty Ross laughs at the memory of her own embarrassing school ball photo from the 1990s, in which she’s wearing a dress made by her mother.

“I have to be honest with you, looking back, good lord, I really do question what I was thinking.”

But Ross, who is head of the School of Psychology at Massey University in Palmerston North, points out that the old photos we cringe over are safely stashed away in boxes or albums, and under our control, should we wish to share a laugh at our expense with friends, children or grandchildren.

Fast forward to the 21st century and life is not quite so simple.

These days, photos from school balls, graduations, parties and 21st birthdays are likely to be shared on social media where they are “liked”, examined, downloaded, and commented on.

Professor Kirsty Ross, head of the School of Psychology at Massey University in Palmerston North.

The images are out there, warts and all.

Harmless enough at first glance, but behind those smiley group photos can lie sinister forces causing anxiety, self-doubt, depression and low self-esteem as teenagers – particularly young women – strive to emulate what they see online.

“Now we have AI images as well, which is adding another layer to it,” Ross says.

Pressure on young people to look attractive and fit in with a peer group is nothing new, she says, but now there are other considerations.

“So previously it might have been ‘do I look nice?’ And now the question is ‘how will I look in photos? What will people think of me online? Will this get likes?’.”

Young women are under constant pressure to look flawless and post the perfect selfie online. Photo / 123rf

Young men, too, face similar pressures, wanting to be seen as fit, muscular and strong.

As a result, Ross says, rather than focusing on how they feel or whether they’re enjoying the experience, young people start to judge themselves on how they look to others.

“So it’s been a bit of a shift from seeking social acceptance to social validation.”

Professor Sarah Riley would like to see young people focus on making great memories – the fun of getting ready for the school ball, doing each other’s makeup, the event itself – rather than aiming for the perfect photograph.

“Because those are the things that people really reflect on and remember.”

Riley, professor in critical health psychology at Massey University and author of several books, including Digital Feeling and Postfeminism and Body Image, would like to see the narrative change using social solutions, beginning at school level.

Why not, she suggests, teach girls about makeup and then encourage them to do each other’s makeup before the school ball. They could donate the money they’ve saved to a charity that benefits women.

Head girl Isla Hamilton and prefect Summer Watson, both aged 17 and students at Tauraroa Area School in Northland, say they do worry about what people think of images they post on social media.

Head girl Isla Hamilton with deputy head girl Janne Loots, year 13 students at Tauraroa Area School in Northland.

Before posting, Isla says she makes sure she is comfortable and looks good.

“[I] double-check it multiple times before committing to posting it.”

Summer, too, worries about what people will think of images of herself online.

“I do worry a lot, so that’s why I don’t really post.”

Isla follows a small number of influencers online and says she’s conscious of comparing herself to the perfect images she constantly sees.

“It makes me feel like I have to hold myself to such a high standard, and compare myself to these so-called ‘beautiful’ people who are often photoshopped or even AI, so very unrealistic.”

Summer Watson and her boyfriend James Tyler-Whiteman before a school ball. They are students at Tauraroa Area School in Northland.

Summer says she follows a good number of influencers but thinks she is influenced in a good way by what she sees on social media.

However, she is aware that some images are curated or the person may have had cosmetic surgery to achieve a look.

“I like staying with the trends, but then I’m also not fazed by it.”

‘Hello boys’

Riley says although social media has a lot to answer for, she points back further to the beginning of post-feminism, what she calls the “Spice Girls era” of the 1990s.

Women were encouraged to dress up and feel sexy for themselves, not for men. Objectification was rebranded “as something that women like to do”.

The Spice Girls from left: Geri Halliwell, Victoria Adams, Emma Bunton, Melanie Brown and Melanie Chisholm at the Brit Awards in 1995. Photo / Dave Hogan, Getty Images

Riley references the infamous Wonderbra ads of 1994 in which runway model Eva Herzigová posed on huge, traffic-stopping billboards wearing black lacy knickers and a push-up bra.

She’s looking saucily down at her own cleavage alongside slogans: “Hello boys” and “Or are you just pleased to see me?”

In posters displayed at bus stops, Herzigová looked like she was waiting for a bus stop wearing nothing but her underwear.

Supermodel Eva Herzigova, wearing a Wonderbra, appears to be waiting for a bus on Chelsea’s Kings Road in London in the 1990s. Photo / Sean Dempsey, Getty Images

Riley: “So it was done in this kind of ironic, cheeky language of feminism, but it really threw attention back on to women’s bodies as a source of their identity and value”.

The so-called “male gaze” was banished, replaced by everyone on social media doing the gazing.

The dying gasp of the debutante ball

Back in the 1980s and 1990s the archaic ritual of the debutante ball took its last gasp, dying a natural death as schools gradually abandoned the tradition in New Zealand.

No longer did young ladies need to dress in white wedding-style dresses and be paraded into a hall for a first dance with their fathers.

The Southern Hawke’s Bay Scottish Society held a debutante ball in the town hall in 1994 to celebrate its silver jubilee.

Debutante balls were instead replaced by school balls and graduation dinners, events that have become increasingly elaborate and expensive because of exposure to social media.

But in Europe, the post-feminist wave has heralded a revival in society balls, events that are slavishly covered by magazines like Vogue, People, Hello! and Cosmopolitan, and shared widely online with impressionable young women who aspire to be “that girl”.

Apple Martin, the daughter of actor Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay’s Chris Martin, made her society debut at Le Bal des Débutantes in Paris in 2024, wearing a Valentino gown which reportedly took 750 hours to make.

Apple Martin with her mother Gwyneth Paltrow at Le Bal des Débutantes. Photo / @gwynethpaltrow

She rubbed bare shoulders with the likes of Sophia Loren’s granddaughter Lucia Sofia Ponti in what has become known as “the Met Gala for teenagers”.

But “that girl” was accused of being a “mean girl” after a video of Apple Martin larking about, while a fellow debutante was having her photo taken, went viral on Tik Tok.

The “mean girl” taunts are an example of how even the rich and famous are closely analysed and judged online over incidents that 20 years ago would have passed unnoticed.

That constant online scrutiny causes stress and anxiety, Riley says, with large amounts of energy, money and time consumed by young people constantly worrying about how they look and what other people think.

A level of perfection is promised on social media if people try hard enough.

“You don’t have to be born a natural beauty, you just have to learn the skills and products to turn yourself into one.”

Professor Sarah Riley, author and professor in critical health psychology at Massey University in Palmerston North.

She calls it the “arms race of beautification”, promoted by those making a living from the beauty industry, and chewing up money, time and brainpower. It’s backed up by relentless reinforcement on social media.

Riley mimics the messages: “Have you lost weight? Oh my god, you look beautiful. Where did you get your nails done?”.

On the surface they’re compliments, she says, but they become twisted in a “body toxic world” that reinforces the messaging.

Waikato University PhD candidate Francesca Kurghan, 29, says in the 12 years since she attended school balls, the pressure on a younger demographic has increased significantly.

They’re comparing themselves with flawless images that have been enhanced by photo-editing apps and face-altering filters.

As part of Kurghan’s thesis, she’s studying the experiences of young Kiwi content creators in areas such as health, wellness, beauty and fashion – niche spaces where they share their appearance and bodies online.

Waikato University PhD candidate Francesca Kurghan.

Her research shows the content creators themselves are under pressure.

“If they don’t look the part, as in they don’t fit that ideal, the algorithm won’t boost their content as much. It’s harder for them to be successful online.”

Escalating costs

This year, Auckland school principals spoke out against the escalating cost of school balls, with some tickets climbing to $230 each. Added to that cost are hundreds of dollars for the formal dress, hair styling, makeup, nails, fake tans, accessories and shoes.

Although Tikipunga High School in Northland cancelled its ball, scheduled for last Friday, due to low ticket sales, other schools in the area are determined to go ahead without costs blowing out.

Whangārei Girls High School students Tamsin Tulloch and Charlee Lawrence, aged 17, hitched a free ride to their ball at the McKay Stadium in a shiny Mack Superliner truck, courtesy of local transport company owners Shelley and Ian Newey.

Charlee’s mother, Angela Hayden, a self-confessed “truck nut”, posted a message on Facebook asking for transport.

Tamsin Tulloch and Charlee Lawrence before the Whangārei Girls High School ball.

The teenagers’ hair and makeup was done free of charge by Charlee’s sister. Tamsin bought her dress online for $240 and paid $99 for shoes, while Charlee spent just $60 on her dress and shoes. Tickets to the ball, combined with Whangārei Boys High, were $85.

Julie Chaplin, Year 13 dean at Tauraroa Area School, has overseen the school ball for the past nine years and is aware that many families in the Northland community, 22km southwest of Whangārei, can’t afford big bills.

The school ball, held last night at the Barge Showgrounds Events Centre in Whangārei, had a ticket price of $70.

Tauraroa Area School in Northland.

Chaplin says she’s never seen anyone turn up in a stretch limo but there’ll be plenty of shiny trucks, utes, classic cars and the odd tractor.

An extra expense this year was hiring an additional photographer because Auckland schools had booked out all the photo booths.

Senior students will help decorate the venue and the food will be subsidised by the PTA committee, in return for students helping at fundraising events throughout the year.

Isla Hamilton bought a dress online for $180 and plans to wear it again to other balls and formal events like graduation. This year she’ll do her own hair and makeup, and use press-on nails to save money.

“I do fake tan but I really try to keep it local within the community (Maungakaramea) so that I’m helping them as well as keeping it cheaper for me.”

Summer Watson has rented a dress for $115 and admits she will be spending money in preparation for the ball, including getting her hair dyed blonde and styled for about $200, nails ($80), fake tan, and eyebrow and lash tint.

One 21-year-old Auckland student told the Herald that she felt she needed to wear a different dress to the various school balls and formal events she attended during her school years, because the photos would be posted online.

Ross says she’s encouraged to see evidence of pushback from young people against the relentless pressure from social media. Some are celebrating the fact they bought their school ball dress from a thrift shop.

Young women spoken to for this story say trends can change every couple of months, encouraging them to try to keep up with the ideal body shape.

Those included trends like Glow Up, which features dramatic before-and-after transformations, Thinspo, pushing extreme thinness, Fitspo (fitspiration) featuring highly edited athletic bodies; and hardmaxxing, which promotes extreme methods to change facial looks.

Kurghan: “So one day you could go on TikTok and it will be being fit and toned, and then the next day it’s all about being ultra thin”.

Her research shows that although many young people are outwardly critical of social media trends and are aware that some images have been enhanced, they still feel pressure to achieve the same look.

Ross shares a favourite post by United States comedian and serial tweeter Dana Donnelly, who says that sometimes she wants to be skinnier but then remembers body types are similar to dog breeds.

American comedian Dana Donnelly says body types are similar to dog breeds. Photo / Getty Images

“If I’m a corgi who wants to lose weight to look like an Italian greyhound, that won’t make me look like an Italian greyhound – it’ll just make me look like a sick ugly corgi, so nvm (never mind)”.

Jane Phare is a senior journalist based in Auckland.

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