Spending money that previously belonged to someone else can feel shameful, knowing they did the work but now you get to enjoy it. And it reminds us that one day, we’ll die too, and make others feel weird about spending our money.
Beneath the layers of awkwardness this topic produces, there’s good news. Even if no pot of gold comes to you, you can start building wealth now, with your kids.
It’s ironic, though, that the more financially sorted you are, the more at risk your kids might be of blowing it all on some terrible decisions.
Why? Being raised in abundance can often fail to deliver the tough lessons only scarcity can teach. I’d like to help my kids with a house deposit, if I could, but is that really helping them, or just easing my own anxiety about their future?
As we focus on filling their cup, we risk failing to build a vessel capable of holding wealth.
“Ninety per cent of wealth disappears by the third generation” is a quote not based on any solid research, but it’s logical. Give a kid a fish, and it’s gone by dinner; teach them to fish, and the pond’s theirs for life.
So, if comfort’s the trap, what’s the fix? Scarcity? Discomfort? Not pain for pain’s sake, but a little laissez-faire and delayed gratification couldn’t hurt. Perhaps start with chores that pay, then lessons on allocating earned pocket money, then the importance of giving, saving and investing.
Finally, charge them board when they get their first part-time job. Teach them these principles, and maybe they won’t feel the need to bury an inheritance in shame later on. If it’s done well, they’ll hold the wealth you give them or at least be able to grow some for their kids.
And if you’re fortunate enough to get an inheritance one day, or not, this is important. I’ve sat across the desk from hundreds of people with an inheritance coming and, almost always, they make one of two mistakes.
The first is less common: knowing money’s coming justifies a life of leisure. There’s no budgeting, no discipline, and no plan for the future. They’re black holes for intergenerational wealth.
The second mistake is more common – and even more tragic. People live like the money’s never going to come. Instead of investing more aggressively today, growing a bigger family, or being more generous, they pay their mortgage down and save the rest in term deposits.
In the Bible, there’s a parable of some servants given money to look after in their master’s absence. One buries it, afraid of losing it, and one invests it, multiplying it for when their master returns. The master praises the one who took a risk and reprimands the one who didn’t.
The moral of the story? An inheritance you can count on is a safety net most people don’t have, so instead of playing it safe, it should give you permission to swing bigger. Instead of burying the knowledge of family wealth in shame, build before it arrives. Just make sure the money is coming, have the conversations, and remember you’re always one will away from a rude awakening.
Now I know not everyone has a childless, rich Aunt Tina. So, every bit of your financial security depends entirely on you: no safety net, and no back-up plan.
There’s a strange freedom in that. There’s no awkward reading of the will with a lawyer, and you’re not dependent on a relationship holding up until someone dies. Meet your real Aunt TINA: There Is No Alternative.
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