For those hoping to reconnect with someone who is at the end of life, there is “no perfect moment” or “perfect script”, said Leong Si Jie, a senior medical social worker at St Luke’s Hospital. She suggested ways to approach them:
Don’t force reconciliation: When approaching an estranged family member, first explore whether they are open to reconnecting. Reconciliation should never be assumed or forced.
Begin gently and calmly: Start with a simple check-in. Ask open-ended questions, for example, “What do you think about what the doctor has shared regarding your medical condition?” or “How are you feeling about it?”.
Let them set the pace: Pay attention to both verbal and non-verbal cues. For example, if they turn their head away or keep answers brief, change the subject or remain quiet.
Listen and acknowledge their feelings: Simple statements such as, “I imagine this news must be difficult for you” or “I’m here to listen if you feel like talking” can help the patient feel heard and supported.
Avoid dismissing feelings and giving false reassurances: Responses such as “You will recover” or “Why are you giving up?” may shut down the conversation.
If the person dies before reconciliation is possible, Leong said the first step is to acknowledge the loss and allow yourself to experience the emotions that come with it. If it helps, talk to a trusted friend or family member.
“Sometimes, it is about finding your own sense of resolution after the loss,” she said.
If unresolved grief or feelings about the relationship continue to significantly affect your daily life, seek support from a counsellor or psychologist, said Leong.