Labour MP Duncan Webb does not endorse eating our national bird for dinner.
By some strange Garfield-esque convention, parliament’s bar doesn’t open on a Monday, so Duncan Webb and I have found ourselves next door, at a pleasant little establishment known as Huxley’s. With four beers (two lagers for me, two IPAs for him) between us taken care of by Webb (“this is my contribution to The Spinoff“) and his quick wit plowing full steam ahead, I’m sure it wouldn’t have mattered where we ended up. I mean, yeah, there is another famously parliament-adjacent bar we could have gone to, but taking a staunch left-winger there would have been a little gauche.
For those unfamiliar with his game, Webb is kind-of like the uncle of the Labour Party. He’s reliable for a dad joke, keeps a vast amount of knowledge stored in his noggin and is often sporting a red and black Swanndri jacket. Which means it’s unsurprising that when he’s back home in Christchurch with his 20-something aged children, Webb has found himself, on more than one occasion, explaining the latest in politics over a game of beer pong with their mates. Though he promises he’s not doing any indoctrinating of any young minds, of course.
Lately, the self-described socialist’s head has been deep in the government’s “shitty” and “slightly depressing” electoral bill, the validity of which he sees as being “blasted” by the electoral commission’s admission that cutting short enrolment times won’t actually speed up the final count. Between that, some of the “bullshit” regulatory changes undertaken by the Act Party and the knowledge that “this government is shit”, there’s a lot that goes on in parliament that can rile up a simple man from the south.
Duncan Webb in the hallway between the Labour Party offices, because I forgot to take a photo at Huxley’s.
So, when throwing around a few expletives in the select committee isn’t enough to calm him down, you might find Webb in his office “banging away” on his “stress ukulele”. As a member of Labour’s policy council, Webb knows he’s not the only one shaking his head at changes to the Jobseeker benefit and the like – but he also knows the red team needs to get it right before making any policy promises ahead of next year’s election. “It’s always a danger in politics, because you’re continually surrounded by people who tell you you’re doing a good job, because that’s how politics works, right?” Webb says. “We’ve got to present really complete and compelling – and I hope, transformative – policies, because I think everyone’s just a bit tired of not seeing change.”
After almost every question I pose to Webb, he asks me for my journalistic perspective, and what the future looks like when you’re a young person taking up space in parliament, like Te Pāti Māori’s Hana-Rawhiti Maipi-Clark – though it pays to be careful when making comparisons. “I mean, look at you: you’re 25, only three years older than her, and you haven’t been in Time magazine yet,” Webb reminds me. Yeah, cheers mate.
THE SPINOFF PUB Q+A
How much should a pint cost?
Look, I don’t mind paying for quality. I think we paid about $12 for our pints here.
Do you have a karaoke go-to?
Can I say, the Labour Party conference is a really good reason not to do karaoke, because there are so many good singers – [former MP] Nanaia Mahuta and her partner could nail anything, they’re amazing. Any drunk white guy tries to do ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go’ by The Clash and it never works out … But If I could do it well, I would sing Righteous Brothers’ ‘Unchained Melody’.
Favourite place to get a drink in Aotearoa?
You know what I like in Christchurch? There’s great little breweries. Two Thumbs is one of my favourites, they do a great English style Yorkshire pudding. They’ve got a couple of locations in Christchurch, and at one of them, on a Sunday afternoon, they have a bit of live music – that and a good beer in a sunny little beer garden is a great way to wind down. But their pints, I’m pretty sure, are more than $12. Pretty sure.
Which three MPs would be on your pub quiz team?
I’d choose Kieran McAnulty [Labour], he’s got an envious knowledge of sports. And I’d choose Lan Pham [Greens] for science – she’s very impressive, and she’s from Christchurch. I wonder if I should make a coalition bid and name someone from New Zealand First. Do you know who’s clever in New Zealand First? Because I don’t. I hadn’t really thought of the National Party … I mean, Chris Penk’s very clever. He’s got that history/geography/military blend – despite everything, I mean, he’s got strange views. But maybe we’d go for Chris Penk.
Which MP from across the aisle would you most like to share a drink with?
I’d have a beer with Hana-Rawhiti, because I haven’t had a good chat with her. Back in the day, before she was uber-famous, I stuck up for her in the House and she just gave me a little nod, like “thank you for that, mate”. I’d be interested to see how she progresses in politics or elsewhere, because she’s clearly got some talent.
Is there an alcohol-related law you would like to change?
Obviously, I don’t object to drinking alcohol – I’m happy to buy you another, or a top shelf cocktail – but alcohol is an issue in our society, and we need to think very carefully about how we can reduce the harm it causes. In Christchurch, we have inner city bars open until 3am, and I don’t quite understand why – what’s the balance of good times versus bad things? People make some pretty poor decisions when they’ve been drinking since eight o’clock until 3am.
Duncan Webb during question time in the House.
Here you and I are, hopefully undamaged and untraumatised, but that’s not the case for everyone. I’m not going to say turn off the tap or anything … But I think communities should have a clear say about alcohol in their community. That’s something the local alcohol plans were supposed to do, but unfortunately, they may have a limited scope as many things do.
What’s a policy area we’ve been nursing without finishing the glass?
Digital harm: human nature is such a powerful thing, and we have naturally addictive personalities whether it comes to alcohol or cigarettes or scrolling Instagram. It is curated to get you, to play on the way your human mind works by getting you to scroll. And for our young people, we do need to do something – I don’t think a ban will be effective, there will always be ways around it, and we need to do more than say “you can’t look at it”.
The real perpetrators are the social media companies, who know exactly what they’re doing. They have all the tools to know of the nature of the content that’s online, who’s looking at it and what effects it’s having. Whether it be body image stuff for young women, or toxic masculinity stuff for young men, and once you get into that vortex, it’s hard to get out.
What qualities make a good drinking partner?
Affability: a good conversationalist, who knows how to listen as well.
Have you ever had a Schnapps election moment where you regretted your political instinct?
I’ve been very lucky not to have had a political catastrophe in my short political career to date. But, in my first weeks in parliament, Jenna Lynch stopped me outside of the select committee, and said “is it true that you eat kiwis?” And I was like, “I’m sorry?”
It turned out it was from a regional TV show where we were talking about conservation, and why we protect kiwis. And I said something along the lines of, well, it’s because they’re rare – if we had as many kiwis as chickens, we’d be eating them. So on the six o’clock news that night, they played me saying we should be eating kiwis. And then me, blinking in front of the camera.
Up next on One MP, One Pint: Consumer affairs minister Scott Simpson. Read more OMPOP interviews here.